What room is the free food in?

Baked tofu.

2010-02-23T22:00:00.003-05:00

I know I said I'm not going to post, but I have to post because I just made baked tofu.

What you do is you take some firm/extra firm tofu, wrap it in paper towels, put it on a plate, set another plate on top of it, and set something really heavy on top of that (cast iron cookware, whatever). I wasn't aware of just how much liquid is in tofu until very recently (read: tonight) when it flooded my countertop. A cast iron dutch oven is quite heavy; heavy enough to make that block of bean curd lose water like Richard Simmons in a plastic sweatsuit.

Anyway, once I wiped up the flood, I figured the bean curd had drained enough, so I dumped a bunch of soy sauce into the bottom of a tupperware, sliced the tofu, and let it sit there at room temperature for... well, a while turning it over and moving things around so all the slices got soy sauced over the course of a while. I can't tell you exact times or amounts, but I put just enough soy sauce to cover the bottom and pool up somewhat. Then, when nearly all the soy sauce was absorbed, I preheated the oven to 400 F. I put the slices on a very lightly greased tray (I used olive oil - obv it doesn't matter what grease you use), and chucked them into the oven. Once they got browned and caramelized, like after roughly 30 minutes, I turned them over. Then I cooked them until when poked, they felt firm and not jello-like. I think the total cooking time - though I can't swear to it - is about 45 minutes to an hour.

During all this time, I cut up a salad and cooked literally 2 lbs of green beans. Trader Joe's had some beautiful 2 lb bags of them, so I bought one. I found out exactly why it never seems like one pound in enough. It's because of Danny. He eats everything, so now that he's traveling for work, I am left with an insane amount of green beans in soy with garlic and ginger. (PS - I am SO not complaining. Along with having the ENTIRE expanse of the bed to all 5 feet 11 inches of myself, I do so love green beans with soy and garlic and ginger.) But now I have to eat them all.

Anyway, when the tofu came out of the oven and was barely cool enough to pick up, I grabbed the slices, cursed a little because they were hot, and cut them into strips. I heaped my plate with salad and green beans, and haphazardly arranged the tofu strips on top. I drizzled some balsamic vinegar on my salad, and that was dinner. Perfect. I guess rice vinegar might have been more congruous, but I didn't care. The soy on both the tofu and green beans was plenty salty, and the balsamic was tangy with a hint of sweet, and I was thrilled with the outcome.

The baked tofu has opened up a world of flavor. I can squeeze out the water and re-inpregnate bean curd with whatever crazy flavors I want! I'm so excited. There is great potential for cubed, marinated, and baked tofu for finger food, salad toppings, in sandwiches, whatever. This is brilliant.

Commitment issues.

2010-01-27T22:13:00.002-05:00

I was thinking about saying I'm taking a formal hiatus from blogging (because I know the throngs of humanity that read this are trembling on the edge of their seats for the next entry), but then I figured I'd want to write something the second I posted it, so I did nothing.

But just in case, I figured I'd write that work is like a terrible hemorrhoid that won't go away. Or how I imagine a terrible hemorrhoid that won't go away would be. It's consisting of a lot of writing which on one hand is good because it means I've made meaningful progress, and on the other hand is bad because it's sciencese. I don't think in sciencese, I can't force myself to, and the whole process blows. When I ask how I should set up my figures, no one tells me, and then I have to redo them like 14,987,677 times in like 3 different file formats in multiple separate completely inadequate programs that I have to learn and I suck at computers because dealing with computers is like dealing with passive aggressive people which I hate.

So yeah, I'm eating. I'm eating well. :) But beyond discovering that I can make a spinach/garlic/egg white omelette in one nonstick pan with the tiniest bit of oil, I haven't exactly been making culinary fireworks happen. I have an entry in my head about making red chile sauce a la New Mexican cuisine, but I want to experiment with the chiles I use. I made it once with just Anaheim chiles and it was incredibly flat and disappointingly mild. It does, however, taste good on top of the aforementioned omelette. But I'm going to work it into something that is a good chile sauce, but it lets you know what's what. I'm not going for authenticity with this one. Anyway, we'll see. Man, I hope I graduate before I completely lose my mind...

RatatNEWouille.

2010-01-03T17:47:00.002-05:00

So I just redid more ratatouille the way I did it here in this post, sans biscuits, soy sauce, and tempeh bc I'm craving a simple vegetable stew. I haven't eaten this much crap for so long in like forever, and I need to clear my head. Not that the crap was bad per se but the usual proportion of fruit + veg to, well, everything else was heavily skewed toward "everything else" for too long a time. Although somehow my insides continued to function properly, happily enough... :-P

Anyway, I realized a great way to add body and depth to the veggies is the old standby of dumping in a bunch of anchovies. Yeah. Funky fish is the reason Thai food tastes so meaty and awesome, and I'd be willing to bet that much of the pasta sauce bought at various restaurants gets an umami kick from anchovies, too. When you use them this way, several tossed in with the tomatoes, the fishiness is dispelled immediately. Tastes awesome.

I like the Cento anchovies. I've tried Roland, but they're redolent of dirty underwear IMO. Granted, I've eaten them without dying or getting sick. You can't really tell once they're in whatever you're making, but I like to eat the leftover fillets with salad or on bread for some salty omega 3's, so the whole dirty underwear thing is completely unappealing.

Inquisition Punch/Krunk Jewce

2009-12-20T11:22:00.007-05:00

I have achieved the impossible. For this particular thing, I deserve a culinary medal of honor for going where no home cook has gone before. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have made Manischewitz palatable.

I will pause now so you can pick your jaws off the floor.

Upon divine inspiration - and by divine, I mean I read the NY Times - I came upon a recipe for a single drink made with Manischewitz, bourbon, lemon juice, and seltzer called the Drunken Pharoah. I thought to myself, hey, you can do better than that! And so I did. The Economical Epicurean was holding a holiday party, and this mysterious wine product steeped in so many years of tradition and punchlines came to me. Clocking in at under $8 for 1.5 liters of candied Concord grapey alcoholic bliss, it was certainly cheap. Instead of bourbon, I used Seagram's VO whiskey, a smooth if slightly boring libation that is my fallback whiskey of choice when price and the health of my gut are taken into equal consideration. The night before, I ventured into the local supermarket to get lemons. People, when the weather is supposed to be 1-2 feet of snow in an area where 1-2 inches can cripple a city, do not enter a supermarket. May the good lord help you if you need toilet paper, milk, eggs, or potato chips, because you ain't gittin none. But thankfully, lemons weren't high on the list of survival foods that night, and I got 4 fat, shiny, yellow specimens.

The morning of the party dawned steely grey, a thick cloud cover and swirling snow hiding the sun. I mixed up the punch, using the ratios the NY Times suggested just in much larger quantities:

2 c Manischewitz, the concord grape variety

1.5 c whiskey

0.5 c lemon juice

I tasted it. It had promise. I took a bit on ice and topped it with seltzer. Very promising indeed. Then I doubled the recipe because there were going to be 25 people there, and given the typical food and drink situation, not 2 feet of snow nor sleet nor ice nor rain would keep people from this party. When I doubled the recipe, though, I think I tweaked the ratios. I added the base amount of booze, but messed with the lemon juice. What I was going for was a sweet (but not syrupy), boozey, yet slightly tangy concoction that would benefit from chilling and fizz addition. Then I decided to add some thinly sliced lemon, and I also added a handful of fresh cranberries for decoration (note on fresh cranberries: they are resilient little buggers that you can freeze when you buy them fresh and use whenever you feel like cranberry relish, muffins, bread, etc. - there's a 3 lb bag in our freezer). Then I adjusted the ratio of Manischewitz to whiskey to suit my tastes, and I suggest you do the same! When you do that, just remember you're going to add ice and seltzer. When you chill things, perceived sweetness decreases. So if you're not sure, make yourself a mini cup of it, and see what it needs. The whole thing tasted bright and fruity, but I wanted more depth. So, I broke 3-4 cinnamon sticks in half, added in 4-6 whole cloves, and 4 whole allspice berries for some spice. It sat at room temperature on the counter for several hours, and the total volume was probably a little more than 3 quarts, pre-seltzer.

We packed it off into two nalgenes and an empty spare bottle we had, loaded them, bottles of seltzer, and the bowl into backpacks, put on our winter gear, and trudged out into the blizzard. Along the way we helped one guy free his car from a snowbank. The walk was beautiful. The snow was falling in fine cold flakes, swirling here and there, but the wind wasn't uncomfortably strong. We took pictures of some Xmas lights under the snow and admired the gobs of snow covering everything. Another nice thing about extreme beautiful weather like this is people come out to admire it. We saw more people walking around just looking at things, and there were those like us, walking instead of the usual driving. We walked maybe just over a mile to get to the party, but some of the other attendees' hikes were 2 or more. We all tramped in wearing snowpants, boots, and parkas, shedding clothing like snakes casting off old skin, and making a beeline for the food and drink.

The punchbowl was drained. Literally. Someone, I forget who, actually picked it up and poured the dregs, little bits of spices, lemon pulp, and all, into their glass. I can think of no better praise. We're still stuck on a name, although Inquisition Punch (bc, you know, sangria w/ Manischewitz?) has a good ring to it. The Hebrew Hammer or The Hebrews Get Hammered or Krunk Jewce were also in the running.

Melting onions.

2009-12-17T10:23:00.003-05:00

Melted onions are my new favorite food. You thinly slice however many pounds of onions you want. For batches of onion jam, I've been going with 3 pounds. Have three garlic cloves, UNPEELED. That's right, don't peel 'em. Also, you can add whatever herbs you like. I found out that when Julia Child suggests a bouquet garni, it means that then you won't be picking out limp herb leaves from everything, but if you're like me, you'll skip the damn cheesecloth and leave it up to whoever's eating it to pick out the greenery if they so desire. I like a few sprigs of parsley and either some thyme or rosemary or a combination of the two.

To cook it, you heat up some olive oil in a pan, but not searingly hot, throw in the onions and a big pinch of salt, the herbs, and the unpeeled garlic cloves. Stir it often. Keep the heat lower than a normal sautee, like medium. When you see the onions go completely limp and translucent, turn the heat down even more because you want to achieve a very slow even caramelization without getting charred bits. The ultimate goal is to, well, melt the onions into a savory, sweet, limp mass of golden brown awesomeosity. This will take a while, like an hour. Do it while you're doing something else in the kitchen, stirring every so often to prevent burning.

Once the onions have achieved savory, sweet, limp, golden brown awesomeosity, it's up to you to decide what you want to do with them. You can leave them as they are and fill a smallish prebaked tart crust, topping it with some good anchovies and oil-cured olives for a pissaladiere nicoise. You can add a bunch of red wine into the onions, reducing it into an onion jam which is amazing with brie on whatever bread/cracker product you have lying around. Or you can dump them into mashed root vegetables to amazing effect. I mashed up a small rutabaga, a couple potatoes, and a few carrots and then dumped the onions in. It is extremely delicious. Melted onions are apparently also the base for onion soup, which I am oddly embarrassed to say I've never made.

The trick of leaving the garlic unpeeled prevents burning. Garlic burns much more easily than onions, and by leaving it in its paper, you get the garlic flavor with none of the burned bitterness. You can peel them after the onions are done and either eat it plain (because by this time, it's sweet and soft) or just give it a light chop and fold it into whatever you're making. Whatever you decide to do, melted onions are a lot of flavor for very little money and there's no cream or bacon involved. As far as flavor vectors go, it's healthy, vegan-friendly, and tastes awesome.

What is up with all that?

2009-12-15T12:49:00.003-05:00

One thing I can't get over is why every soup recipe I see has to have cream and/or bacon or some similar greasy pork derivative in it. Does anyone else see soup as winterized salad? Do you glug cream all over your salad every day for lunch? Is the main flavoring in your salad fried bacon or sausage bits? Probably not. Well, ok, at least not in my case. Salad is a glorification of raw vegetables, and when I eat them, I intend to enjoy them as they are, not mask the flavor. Because they actually taste good, and the amount of flavor you can bring with raw produce is really nice if you know what you're doing.

I noticed this month's Bon Appetit was all about the fennel. BA, you are behind MY times. There is a Mark Bittman-esque salad you can make with very thinly sliced raw fennel and matchsticked apples, dressed in a super-simple mustard vinagrette and decorated with a bit of fennel fronds that is fresh, delicious, and can not only be a salad in its own right, but also dress what I consider as The Most Basic Salad. The Most Basic Salad is tomatoes, cukes, peppers, and lettuce. When you have tomatoes, cukes, peppers and lettuce that were grown well, you would be surprised at how amazing this simple mixture can be on its own. When peppers are grown for flavor and not, say, sugar content or wall thickness (wall = the part we eat), you can't believe how genuinely peppery they taste. The same goes for all the above. But seeing that we live in an era when tomatoes are grown for shippability (resulting in pink soggy styrofoam insides that taste nothing like real tomatoes), peppers are grown for size and sugar content, and cukes have morphed into giant, flavorless, oblong vessels of water and seeds, we need to take some other action to get the vegetabley flavor few people really know.

There are veggies that haven't been as tampered with, veggies that retain a greater degree of their true character. They aren't perfect, as anyone who's eaten a homegrown carrot right out of the ground after a brief rinse in the garden hose can tell you. After all, does biting into a raw supermarket carrot give you a slap-your-grandma carrot-y flavor? No. But carrots still manage to taste like carrots. Beets still manage to taste like beets. And red cabbage still tastes like cabbage, but it's purple! Little known fact: raw cabbage has a BUTTLOAD of vitamin C. Orange juice - while very tasty - isn't necessary when you toss a good amount of shredded fresh cabbage into a salad. Then there are the seasonal fruits that can be added and dried ones, too.

So when constructing a good salad, add some diced apples and raw thin-sliced fennel which has a gentle, fresh, anise flavor. If you don't like it, slice the rest of it and sautee it with onions and/or mushrooms to add to your next omelette. Sauteeing drastically ratchets down fennel's anise flavor. Grate some carrots and/or beets into the bowl. What I've been doing is making a giant bowl of salad for the week, scooping some out every day for lunch and adding things as I want them. Toss in some fresh grapefruit segments which are coming into season from Florida or raisins for some sweetness, some chopped fresh herb of your choice, and some balsamic vinegar or lemon juice. A big part of making the salad pop is combining sweet, sour, and salty in a way that you find appealing. You can do it with mostly fruits and veggies. I've been giving my salad more staying power by throwing chunks of roast turkey on top. Hardboiled eggs are a cheap good choice, especially with a high-quality feta.

My final tip for eating tasty salad is not refrigerating it all day. I know it sounds weird, but letting it come to room temperature at work makes it much more likely that I'll eat it because when it's chilly and wet out, eating chilly wet things is completely unappealing. But room temperature wet things? Fine. Anyway, I will soon add to the several soups on this blog that do not contain cream and/or bacony things.

Vegetable soup saves.

2009-10-24T18:28:00.002-04:00

So, I made this root veggie soup. It started with a sweat of carrots, onion, garlic, and parsnip in olive oil, and then went on to include wine, balsamic, worcestershire sauce, and soy to add flavor and salt to the cooking water; bay leaves, thyme, sage, and pepper for more flavor, and turnips, roasted beets, potatoes, and finally, cabbage only at the end so the apartment wouldn't smell. If you boil large amounts of cabbage for long periods of time, your space will smell like some animal walked in, defecated, and then lay down and died. So, unless you like smelling that stank, don't add cabbage at the beginning unless it's surrounded by lots of other ingredients (like stuffed cabbage which is delicious and generally awesome). It was enough veggies to require 6 cups of water, which was just enough to have some liquid at the end. Oh, and I also used a scant 1/4 cup of corn flour to thicken it right before I turned off the heat. The remaining liquid wasn't thick per se, but it had a slightly increased mouthfeel. Anyway, it was sweet and vegetabley. Lots of flavor, light, and warming. It made a very nice lunch this last week.

Today, Danny and I were cleaning out the fridge and freezer, and we found an ancient frozen tupperware of beef stew. I have NO RECOLLECTION AT ALL of when we made it. I don't even know what, if any, recipe we followed. It's just always been in the freezer. Literally forever. But we decided to liberate the tupperware, so against Danny's wishes, I thawed it. He wanted to just toss it, but hey, it was in the freezer! It can't be spoiled! My mom would have been so proud of me.

I thawed it gently in the microwave on medium heat and cautiously tasted it. Delicious. It was mostly gravy with a few hefty meat chunks, so I just dumped it into our veggie soup. The two mixed together was AWESOME. The veggie soup saved the meaty gravy from certain death, and everyone is happy. Danny announced his intention is to take it for lunch this week with noodles.

The moral of the story? Don't throw out frozen food! It never goes bad in there! I mean, sure, it had some awesome ice crystals, but it didn't even taste really freezer burned. It was slightly freezer flavoured by itself, but when I integrated the thick meaty essence into the veggie soup, it became completely delicious without a hint of funk.

Bourekas

2009-10-19T12:53:00.003-04:00

What with some madness from grad school, I just haven't been making a lot of food. I've definitely been eating, though. It's been a lot of salad, eggs, (fill in the blank) on bread, some chicken soup, the chicken from said soup, the remaining soup integrated into an amazing gingery pumpkin soup (pumpkin, broth, ginger, honey, nutmeg, salt, pepper), etc. Very basic.

It was Danny's birthday on Friday, so I made him - as per his request - felalfel with hummus, salad, hot stuff, and bourekas w/ spinach and cheese filling. Bourekas are made - I think - typically with puff pastry, but I grew up making them out of filo dough. They're spanikopitas from a different Mediterranean region. They can be filled with potato, cheese, spinach, meat, or whatever you feel like. I took a pound of frozen spinach, just barely thawed it (4 minutes in a covered bowl in my microwave) and squeezed it out, and put it in a bowl with mayyybe 2/3-3/4 of a 1 pound block of feta. I highly, highly recommend Pastures of Eden feta that you can get from Trader Joe's. It's not as aggressively salty as a lot of other fetas, it's creamier, and you can really taste the sheep milk. If I were to set up a spectrum for fetas from mellow to sharp, this would fall more towards mellow. Usually that's a losing position for my tastes, but the creamy/crumbly texture, not overwhelming saltiness, and the pronounced (but not stanky) sheep flavor make it my favorite.

Anyway, I crumbled the cheese, stirred it in, cracked in one egg, some pepper, and mixed it up. You can add parsley if you like, play with cheese combinations if you want cheese ones (grated muenster, mozzarella, and cottage cheese, for example). I didn't go crazy with the flavors in the bourekas because the other food I made was very aggressive (lots of lemon, garlic, onion, spices), and I wanted something to contrast.

To do bourekas the way I learned from my dad, you need some thawed filo dough. The amount of filling is enough for an entire box (40 sheets). Lay the dough out, and cover it with a barely moist dishtowel. Have ~ half a stick of completely melted butter and a pastry brush next to you. Take a single sheet of dough, lay it flat horizontally (longer sideways than it is tall; i.e., the landscape option on your printer). Paint a single stripe of butter horizontally at the bottom, and fold up 1/3 of the way. Paint another stripe of butter along what is now the bottom, and fold it to the edge. You should have a long strip of dough folded in thirds, held together with butter. Don't skimp on the butter, but at the same time, don't go crazy with the butter; just a bit is enough.

At one end of your dough strip (let's say the right side), place a glob of filling... er, like 1-1.5 tablespoons? Don't overstuff them or they'll explode in the oven. Fold one corner over to the side, covering the filling, so it makes a triangle. It doesn't have to be tight. Fold the triangle's new corner over to the left. Instead of a point on the right side, it should be a flat edge now. Continue to flip the small triangle down the length of the dough strip. Seal it with a dab of butter if it needs it, and put it on a baking sheet. Before baking, paint the tops with a little beaten egg, and if you like, sprinkle with sesame seeds. Put them in at 350 F until they're golden brown. It doesn't take super long.

This isn't exactly healthy, but eh. It was a birthday definitely worth celebrating. :)

Ratatouille is Rad.

2009-10-01T20:17:00.002-04:00

I would like to draw everyone's attention to this recipe from the NY Times. It is a recipe for dumpling-topped ratatouille. Is it technically 100% authentic ratatouille? Nope. Do I care? Nope.

I tried it tonight with hacked up tempeh subbed in for the sausage (sauteed with a pinch of fennel seeds because to me that's the dominant flavor in Italian sausages (besides meat), and it's cooking in the oven and holy crap lions, it smells so good. On the healthy scale, the unhealthy bit is obviously the dumplings because they have 6 tbsp of butter in them. I subbed out full fat yogurt for fat free because that's what was in the fridge. Another thing I did was slosh in some soy sauce when the tomatoes, garlic, peppers, thyme (I used dried), and onion was simmering to add some - ok, bear with me while I totally food-geek out on you here - umami. Just dump some in a little bit at a time while the tomatoes, etc. are simmering until it tastes slightly saltier w/ more body, but not so much that you can actually taste the soy sauce. It'll compensate for the lack of meatiness because tempeh doesn't bring much of that to the party.

It's cooling off. If Danny doesn't get out of the shower really soon, I'm eating without him...

A Warm-up

2009-09-09T10:00:00.003-04:00

I am getting my writing part of the brain in gear because I have to write an Independent Proposal, which is graduate school speak for "stupid fucking piece of shit waste of time." However, in my infinite wisdom, I will actually make it work for me by sending it to people who give a damn and might be able to get me a job after I graduate. So HAH. NYEAH. I WIN.

Anyway, about the food...

Inspired by the amount of random vegetable salads in Israel, I decided to construct a random veggie shred. I had in my fridge the following: half a head of cabbage, 1 zucchini, and 1 apple. So I shredded everything w/ my food processor into a bowl. It was crunchy, green, and slightly sweet (thank you, apple bits). Then Danny added zested rind of an entire lemon. He used the juice of the lemon to make a vinagrette (I think he added oil, salt, and pepper until it tasted good... maybe mustard too... I don't know...), and we topped it all off with poppy seeds. I guess it was kind of a slaw? It tasted good, whatever it was. We made this for a party of 10 people, and it went over very well.

Then, we also tried an apple fennel salad, as per a Mark Bittman recipe. Recipe is as follows: very thinly slice a bulb of fennel, cut up a few apples (I did matchstick-like pieces, toss together with a few chopped fennel fronds for greenery, and dress with a basic mustard vinagrette (oil, vinegar, mustard, salt if needed, pepper). We added some tarragon, which was pretty good. As for the apples to fennel ratio, just go with whatever tastes good. It should be a balance between the anise-y flavor of the fennel and the sweetness of the fruit. Do whatever works for you. It's a very autumnal salad. As apples come into season, it'll only get better.

Israel

2009-08-25T10:34:00.002-04:00

So, I'm sure everyone knows someone who's gone on Birthright, the free trip for Jewish people to Israel. (I just came back from it.) They all take the same photos of a dusty, rocky, hilly landscape; everyone has a picture of the Western Wall; you usually see people either smeared in mud or bobbing unnaturally high in the Dead Sea. And that's all well and good, because you should have pictures of those things. They're unique, unlike anything you'll ever see anywhere else in the world.

Unfortunately, I'm a shit photographer. Mostly I just forget I have a camera (probably because up until I commandeered Danny's old one specifically for this trip, I never had one of my own, and to tell the truth it still feels like this one technically isn't mine and it's only on loan - a camera is a luxury I will buy when I have a real salary). The rest of the time, I'm not even thinking about artificially preserving what I see beyond my memory. Thinking about it messes it up, because then it's all about the composition, and the lighting, and the color, and the forms, and is there balance between vertical elements and horizontal elements, and why can't I turn off the damn auto-focus because I WANT the foreground to be blurry dammit, and how can I make this look interesting - like something someone would remember. And then, when I go home, I don't even really remember what I was looking at in the first place.

The bottom line is I suck at snapping pictures.

So I didn't take that many which makes me sad.

I especially didn't take very many of the things I personally enjoy - like the food - although I do have one of my and several of my tripmates' lunches. However, despite the lack of visual evidence, I can still verbally rave about the food.

First of all, can I just say that the simple fact that there IS agriculture on land that's alternately desert and swamp is just unbelievable? I'm not talking a plot here or there, I'm talking bananas, dates, litchis, cucumbers, prickly pears, tomatoes, grapes (for eating out of hand and really good wine), mangoes, olives, plums, all kinds of citrus, pears, and I'm sure plenty of other things I'm not aware of, all from someplace half the size of New Jersey... that is, as I said, half desert and half swamp.

If you put in a minute bit of effort, it seems like it's impossible to eat badly here because all the fruits and veggies are so fresh and tasty, there's hardly any reason to eat anything else, which brings me to the rest stop options. I have a lot of experience with Israeli rest stops because the only way to get a large group of people all over the country is by bus. Our bus didn't have a bathroom which was both good and bad. Good: the bus didn't smell like a bathroom. Bad: we had to stop for bathroom breaks.

Israeli rest stops:

- The actual toilets can make the ones in NJ rest stops look like the Four Seasons. Carry your own toilet paper, ladies and gentlemen.

- The food is - roughly speaking, of course - 9 million billion gazillion times better than US rest stops. You do have McDonald's and pizza, but why would you even bother when there's falafel in pita with everything and tons of complimentary salads to round it out??? I mean, really. one place we stopped had a random guy selling baklava and other syrupy delicious confections off a table. They were awesome. There's also Aroma, a coffee shop that sells borekas (crispy flaky dough with a vaariety of fillings) with egg, tomato, eggplant, and pickles inside along with sandwiches and really, really good coffee. It's no wonder Starbucks failed miserably in Israel.

Honestly, if every Pizza Hut or Wendy's or whatever was replaced with a falafel joint, think of (a) how much more awesome everything would be, (b) how much tastier everything would be, and (c) how much more vegetables the entire US population would eat.

I also had a chance to try some of the best shwarma I've ever had in Jerusalem, thanks to one of the Israelis who stayed with our group throughout the trip. Shwarma is slabs of meat (the best is lamb) skwered through the middle and layered on a spike. Then the whole thing is slowly rotated so everything is exposed to a vertically placed heat source. They shave off the outer cooked layers, leaving the raw meat exposed. Another concept I was hugely appreciative of - the half pita if you're only sort of hungry. Brilliant. You could order a half pita, a whole pita, or a laffa (large Iraqi variation on the pita). And there were all sorts of complimentary salads on the side you could help yourself to, roasted eggplant chunks (sooooooo good), carrot salad, various pickles, sauteed onions, roasted peppers, etc.

Another gastronomical high point is the dairy. I got a little pot of full fat yogurt, and I was full after two spoonfuls. It was like eating sour cream, super flavorful and rich. It tasted so good. True, I ate simply. Lots of fresh things very simply prepared. I didn't have a chance to go looking for developed cuisine beyond stop-and-eat joints, but I think taking it down to basics really shows off superior ingredients (or points to inferior ones). The bottom line? Everything was spectacular, from fresh squeezed orange juice after a sunrise hike up and down Masada, to the salads, falafel, and shwarma I ate everywhere. Israel is one country in which I highly recommend eating as much as possible.

Milk and Honey

2009-08-21T09:29:00.002-04:00

Just got back from Israel, land of milk and honey. More like land of awesome produce and hummus.

Oh man, jetlag.

The Sidecar.

2009-07-24T21:50:00.002-04:00

A classic cocktail if ever there was one. Typically, I associate it with winter because one of the main ingredients is brandy, which for whatever reason - right or wrong - for me brandy = something to drink to warm you up in the winter.

However, I have never been one to limit my alcohol consumption based on something as silly as the seasons, so here's the recipe:

1 to 1 to 1 of brandy, an orange liqueur (such as Cointreau, Gran Gala, etc.), and lemon juice. Shake it up till cold, or if you're like me and don't own a cocktail shaker, just stir with a lot of ice until chilly. Easy enough.

It reminds me of a citrusy Manhattan, sans woodiness from the whiskey and medicinal quality from the vermouth and bitters. And I thought, "Hey, sidecar + fizz = a totally summer-acceptable libation!"

So, try it. Make a small one to try, and then add some seltzer water. It's refreshing, very lemony (if you don't do tangy, cut back on the lemon juice, obv., but don't cut back too much), boozy, and now I have to think up a good name. Best enjoyed near a pool while wearing huge sunglasses and an even larger hat.

I'll get back to you on the name when something strikes me... :)

CSA, again.

2009-07-20T18:41:00.003-04:00

So, our CSA is in full swing, which is nice. We're getting a nice amount of veggies and fruit, and while I've been too busy to really think about how much we're buying vs how much we buy when we don't have a CSA, it's been interesting. I can say with complete certainty we eat a buttload more fresh fruit than it actually provides for us, but I'm not sure if that's just us and our insane appetites or how it usually ends up for most people. I don't know how people with families would do it.

A lot of times, it turns into a "Oh, dammit, those stupid peas/summer squash we forgot about is/are going to rot if I don't do something with them RIGHT NOW! What should I do???" There've been some stirfries, rice dishes, and random salads that have been quite lovely. We tried a corn souffle thingy from the NY Times that used a zucchini along with 4 small ears of corn and some roasted and peeled poblano chiles (any pepper would work; I think they actually call for a fresh red pepper) we had in the freezer from last year. You mix ~ half the corn kernels with 3 eggs, and some milk, I think, in the blender. Slice and sautee the zuke with an onion (and the pepper if you're using fresh) until transluscent, wait till it cools, dump with whole kernels, roasted pepper shred, and egg-corn-milk mixture into a greased pyrex with some cumin, and bake till set. Then there was the time Danny didn't realize he had to shell the peas, and that stirfry had an interactive edamame-like dimension to it. But again, it was tasty.

Overall, the whole CSA thing is nice, and if nothing else, we're certainly eating more organic food for whatever that's worth. But to tell the truth, I've been feeling very put-upon and in a rut, with no desire to be creative or anything. It's an odd way to feel in the summer. I'm not used to it. I miss my half-day Fridays from when I worked at Pepsi, and Sal's amazing BBQ every other Thursday. I don't like working twice as hard for less than half the salary, and feeling guilty when I don't.

I sincerely hope academia overhauls itself or else it's going to die, because I can't say its collapse wouldn't be deserved.

Saved the celeriac

2009-06-10T11:28:00.004-04:00

From the previous post, you may have read that I attempted a rosti with celeriac

(Rosti: peel 1.5 pounds of potatoes, 6 cloves of garlic, herb of choice (rosemary, parsley, whatever), shoestring the potatoes, throw into olive oil in hot pan with peeled whole garlic and herbs, add salt and pepper, sautee until potato starts to get tender, roast for 25 minutes in the oven, smush down with aluminum foil and oven mits into a flat cake, roast another 25 minutes. Obviously, I did it with celeriac, which took far less time.)

However, the celeriac rosti did not stick together due to a lack of starch I believe, and nor did it end up with a pleasingly crisp/soft texture. No, friends, it more closely resembled extremely fragrant flavorful shreds of shoe leather. I know a lost cause when I see one, and it didn't take much to reach the conclsuion that this was one of those dishes that would forever languish in the back of the fridge until succumbing to mold. So I figured, hey, this needs to soften up, and it tasted great with sour cream, so why not gently simmer it in milk?

I did. And it worked. And I added a pinch of herbes de Provence mixture thingy. Very tasty and insanely flavorful. So, then I had a stroke of genius. What better way to achieve the impossible (make Danny full) than to add 6 eggs, a can of chickpeas, and turn it into a protein loaded Spanish-style tortilla? Due to the presence of all that somewhat caramelized celeriac, parsley, garlic and random herbs, it needed nothing else. I beat the eggs in a bowl until they were combined, dumped in the now-soft celeriac, the can of chickpeas, and stirred it up. Then I poured it into a pan and let it cook. We ate it with yogurt on top, and drank a very young gruner veltliner. We each had a glass.

It was totally awesome. And we were both stuffed, despite having leftovers! I think we tallied it up, and Danny ate the equivalent of 3 eggs, half a can of chickpeas, and half the celeriac. Hells yeah. I'm going to add up the cost of this meal, in a very rough approximation:

- 1/2 dozen eggs - $1
- 1 can chickpeas - $1
- 1 celeriac - $1.50, maybe. generously. It was maybe $0.59 per pound, and it was ~ 1.5 lbs.
- The whole large container of yogurt was probably around $2? We each had a few spoonfuls. You do the math because I don't feel like it.
- Bottle of wine - $10, unless it was $9. I forget.

Not bad, not bad at all. Sans alcohol, the whole thing cost slightly more than $3. McDonald's can seriously KISS MY ASS.

CSA

2009-06-08T22:06:00.002-04:00

Danny and I got a subscription to a CSA for a present (and a very nice present it was, as opposed to simply being more shite we have to find a place for), and it just started last week. I was uber excited as I made my way down to the pick-up. The produce looked great; tender new salad greens in a bag, a bunch of small radishes, asparagus (the most resilient strong-looking asparagus I've seen in forever), some green onions, garlic chives, 3 leftover apples from the winter, 3 leftover potatoes, strawberries (2 large containers), and rhubarb.

So, I gotta be honest... I was expecting more. The amount of veggies is roughly enough to fill our cavities because we eat like professionals, and man, we love our veggies. We did try (and failed) to make rosti with celeriac. By failed, I mean we generated a kind of garlicky celeriac hash which doesn't taste bad at all, but it's a little dry and doesn't stay together in a neat little cake of moist and crispy matchsticks. It is, however, totally off the chain with a dollop of sour cream on top.

But the CSA stuff... the radishes and lettuce made their way into a massive salad that we've had for diner, lunch, and lunch again tomorrow. I took the rhubarb and followed this recipe for curried duck legs with rhubarb, but I subbed in chicken because it's cheaper. I tell you, it was kind of a lot of steps and all, with the food processor and the extra sauteeing, but it's quite tasty. It's like a thicker, sweeter, tangier version of my curried chicken. Definitely richer than mine, too. I like it a lot, but I think I prefer mine because (a) it's a bit lighter, (b) I really like potatoes, (c) less dirty dishes at the end, and (d) fewer steps.

We plan on a quick broil of the asparagus, after rubbing them in a olive oil and garlic, and we're just eating the strawberries because they are really, really small, flavorful, and amazing. The green onions made their way into a block of cream cheese (very awesome under lox on bread), and I'm not sure what the garlic chives are going to be a part of yet, but stay tuned.

This sounds like a lot of food, but for us, it isn't. We don't buy lunch or anything, and we seriously eat like gluttons. Very happy, vegetable-centric gluttons.

today's breakfast smoothie

2009-06-03T12:14:00.003-04:00

Today I peeled and sliced a whole mango, half an avocado, and some vanilla soy milk and blended. I am going to edit my suggestion to using only a quarter of an avocado if the avocado in question is not small. The smoothie was tasty, despite having too little mango flavor, IMO - which should be remedied by using only a quarter avocado in the future - and I stayed full until now!

Usually I have to eat lunch at 11-11:30. By me, mangoes are miraculously $0.50 each. Hells to the yeah.

Iron powerhouse chili

2009-06-03T11:29:00.003-04:00

I am experimenting with making chili the same way I make cholent; throw everything in the crockpot, turn it on low, and walk away. I did one whole bag of black beans soaked for 24 hours, 1.5 pounds of stew beef, an onion, a buttload of garlic, 6 chiles (3 anchos, 2 guajillos, 1 pasilla, or something like that; all snipped into bits with kitchen shears), a bunch of whole cumin seeds because I couldn't be bothered to root through our ENTIRE haphazardly thrown together spice closet and find the ground variety, a couple bay leaves, some Mexican oregano, a can of choppped tomatoes, and salt and pepper. This qualifies as a Vat-o-Chili.

I hope I don't burn the apartment complex down.

This chili is going to be the iron powerhouse chili. Black beans - very high in iron for plant material. Beef - high in very bioavailable heme-bound iron. I've heard the combining your plant iron sourcecs with your animal iron sources results in more overall bioavailability of plant iron. Sounds good to me, people. Stay tuned for results...

Another smoothie

2009-06-02T11:16:00.003-04:00

I have stepped into interesting territory with my smoothie-making skillz. I have entered the throwing-weirdass-things-into-a-blender-and-seeing-what-comes-out phase. The weird ingredient of choice today was half of a very ripe Haas avocado.

I started with a bunch of (maybe 6?) medium sized strawberries, washed, with the leaves removed, threw in half an avocado, and then poured chocolate soy milk over the whole deal. Then I blended.

Holy crap, you guys.

The flavor was light, fruity, and chocolatey, with that very subtle green tang from the avocado, and it was somehow both light yet extremely filling. The texture was unbelievable. It was thick and creamy with a silky mouthfeel, like a milkshake. And yet... it was oddly light. I highly, highly recommend half an avocado if your smoothie seems thin. It's better than yogurt because it doesn't add a lot of sour to the party. I want to experiment with other fruits, regular milk, and maybe some sweetened condensed milk (like a tablespoon) and vanilla as sweetener and added flavor. Or maybe oranges, avocado, orange juice, and a tiny bit of sweetened condensed milk to get a creamsicle thing going on...

Ok, that sounds a little wacky, but it just might work... And the possibilities! They're endless!

Cheese blintzes

2009-05-29T22:17:00.002-04:00

Danny and I made cheese blintzes! They are crepes wrapped around a non-measured mush of ricotta, farmer's cheese, one egg, a dusting of cinnamon, a bunch of lemon zest, a couple spoonfuls of sugar, some vanilla, and a bit of sour cream. It should be creamy and flavorful but not too sweet. Then you fry the filled crepes, and eat them with a little fruit if you like.

I ate 3, and I feel like I weigh roughly 7 gazillion pounds, but I'm liking it. We tried this white wine I picked from the $10 and less cart in the store, the Terrai 2008 macabeo, which was actually very nice. The price was right, the acidity cut through the creamy blintzes really well, and there was this nice grapefruity zing going on too. I loved the whole combination. I'm busy feeling fat and happy... :)

Actually, speaking of fat and happy, I had this realization. Currently, I weigh ~10 pounds more than I did when I was competitively fencing as an undergrad. You'd think that would be bad, right? It's not. I feel stronger, 5 miles on various pieces of gym equipment don't leave me anywhere near as achy as they used to, and I find that I can workout longer for more days in a row without feeling as fatigued as I used to. This is an interesting data point in the ongoing experiment that is me as an active person. Hmm...

Very hot heat.

2009-04-29T11:25:00.003-04:00

Today it's 60 F outside. Yesterday and for the whole weekend, it was 90 F. Until last night, I don't think our apartment got below 85 F because the jerks who run the show in our apartment complex don't turn on the a/c until May 10th. Needless to say, there hasn't been much cooking. The most cooking I did was fry an egg one morning. Oh, and Danny got brave Monday night and boiled some pasta which he tossed with some pesto, chopped fresh tomatoes, green onions, and some amazing pecorino romano cheese. The TJ's brand is particularly pungent and tasty. You know, I don't even really appreciate parmesan as much as pecorino romano because it's less flavor bang for the grate. But then, gratuitous cheesiness never does it for me.

Aside from the pasta w/ pesto, we've been eating a lot of salad. I love salad. I'm totally psyched to stock up on cheap fruits and veggies this weekend at M&M when we go visit my parents; my grandma just turned 80, so we're having a BBQ to celebrate. It's a surprise, and she suspects nothing! Hah hah! Anyway, we're going to rock the house.

Also, you'll never believe this, but strawberries at Trader Joe's were less per pound that green peppers. On what crazy planet is this possible??? Peppers can grow in the shoddiest of soil, and they're less bruiseable than strawberries. Oh well. I'm not that disappointed; the strawberries taste awesome chopped up in yogurt with honey drizzled on top for breakfast... :)

I'm famous...

2009-04-22T16:04:00.002-04:00

...as a crazy on the internet among OTHER crazies on the internet!

I made Top 100 Food Blogs for the Frugal Gourmet! Check me out under "Student Eating."

Rawk.

Beanosity

2009-04-21T11:56:00.003-04:00

I missed beans hardcore this Passover. After whining about this to my mom over the phone, apparently my father took the next day to expound on his personal suspicion that when the Jews fled Egypt, they HAD to take beans with them because they're dry and lightweight, and besides, beans are one of the oldest cultivated crops so obviously they had them, so therefore it's crazy to not eat them, at what point in Jewish history were they banned, and how can beans rise, anyway? (Plus, we can drink wine which has yeast, so who made up these rules and what were they thinking?)

Next year he wants to go to a Sephardic seder so he can eat rice and beans. I agree with him. My mom's hung up on tradition and refuses to eat them (unless we're at a Sephardic seder) no matter what logic dictates. If you don't understand why Judaism has taken the route it has, my parents are a good micro-study.

Anyway, to celebrate the re-commencement of bean-eating, I decided to follow my occasionally faulty food improvisational instincts. I had a whole bunch of broccoli stalks, so I figured starting with the broccoli latke recipe as the backbone and morphing it into bean burgers would be tasty. In a very complicated, technically advanced, highly skilled procedure, I opened, drained, and dumped a can of black beans into the food processor. Voila, bean burgers. Ah, what the hell, I thought. I have some open chipotles en adobo in the fridge. Why not toss 2 of them in? I food processed until just blended, tasted, and it was good! Frying them up was even tastier, and eating them with some cheese, lettuce, tomato, and ketchup was phenomenal.

It was very close to Dr. Praeger's veggie burgers (unabashedly vegetable in nature, not some weirdly processed meat wannabe). Next time, I'm going to stir in - not food process - some frozen mixed veggies, and maybe add another can of beans. I'll probably have to scale up the flour for binder (or I could try oatmeal... veggie haggis, anyone?). Either way, it'll be healthy, cheap, and delicious.

Passover Recap

2009-04-15T18:40:00.003-04:00

So, Passover is done in 24 hours. I had myself quite a little adventure there, what with this whole making the seder deal. (FYI, the seder is the traditional meal eaten on the first two nights.) I'm probably going to leave something out, but I'll do my best to give a complete rundown of everything I made. The first night was at Danny's older sister's house.

Seder I:

Roasted Parsnips -

I love parsnips. They're a very overlooked vegetable that tastes kind of like a pissed off carrot (in a very good way), and they're dirt cheap. (Har har, root vegetable, dirt, dirt cheap? Ok, never mind.) They are madd tasty.

- parsnips

- olive oil

- balsamic vinegar

- honey

- salt and pepper

- herb of your choice (I used thyme, but rosemary and/or sage or nothing at all would be delicious.)

Peel and cut parsnips. I cut them diagonally into slices ~1/4 inch thick. Put slices in a roasting dish, drizzle olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and a bit of honey over top (I go light on the honey b/c parsnips are by nature very sweet especially when you roast them, and balsamic vinegar brings some sweetness, too). Sprinkle a little salt (go easy), some pepper, and thyme over it, and mix it with your hands. Fingers are the best tools for making sure everything is covered. It's best if there's a little bit of your dressing in the bottom of the pan; it'll become a nice glaze. Also, taste this as you go. Literally, after you mix it up, lick your fingers and adjust how much salt/honey/balsamic you need. Make it a little on the tangy side. Like I said, parsnips post-roast are surprisingly sweet.

Throw them in a 400 F oven, and stir every 10-15 minutes until they're soft. I like to cook mine until they get browned on the edges, but it's up to you. They get all nice and creamy... soooo good.

"Candidacy: Seder," a/k/a, Seder II (in no particular order):

Haroset -

Haroset is a traditional seder food thats supposed to represent the mortar the Jews used when they were slaves to build things for the pharoah. Ashkenazi Jews (Jews from Eastern Europe) make it out of apples, walnuts, concord grape Manishewitz wine, and maybe some cinnamon. I grew up with this more tropical variant:

- 1 banana

- ~1-2 handfuls of dates, depending on how much you want to make

- walnuts (~2-4 handfuls)

- 1 medium sized apple, peeled and cored

- Manishewitz concord grape wine

Start with the banana (peeled, obv.) and the apple in the food processor. Process until obliterated. Add a handful of dates, and again, process until obliterated. Add a couple handfuls of walnuts and repeat food processing. Pour a glug of Manischewitz in and make sure it's fully incorporated. You want something that is - quite literally - the consistency of mortar. So, it should be somewhat more viscous than natural peanut butter pre-refrigeration. When you think about it, it's just walnut butter with fruit. It's pretty healthy, actually, and it tastes awesome. If it's startlingly sweet, add more walnuts. Not sweet enough? Add dates. When it tastes nice to you, put it in a tupperware and refrigerate it. Don't get carried away with the Manichewitz. You can drink that separately.

Haroset is one of the things that makes Passover good. It makes eating matzoh really easy.

Horseradish -

It reminds us of the unpleasantness of slavery. Traditionally, it goes on gefilte fish. Realistically, it goes on whatever you want, and tastes awesome when cut with sour cream, or mayo on a sandwich, etc.

- roughly 1/2 pound of horseradish root.

- 2-3 fresh small beets

- salt

- a spoonful of sugar

- ~1/2 c of regular vinegar

Peel beets and horseradish root. BEWARE OF THE HORSERADISH BECAUSE IT RELEASES HIGHLY AWFUL FUMES. Imagine wasabi to the 100th power. Your eyes will be watering like mad. I'm not sure I'd wear contact lenses to do this.

Anyway, turn on the vent fan and open a window, take your food processor and its grating attachment, and grate the beets and horseradish. Trying very hard not to spill everything and make a mess, switch from the grating attachment to the blade. At this point (read: if you're me), you may need to slam the lid back on the food processor, stagger away from it, mopping your eyes, and swearing in any language that occurs to you. When you've sufficiently recovered, add the vinegar, sugar, and a pinch of salt, and then process until very finely chopped. As fast as you can, cram it all into a tupperware, and refrigerate until it's needed. You may need to repeat the stagger-mop-and-swear procedure.

Chicken Soup -

Best stuff ever. This recipe can feed ~4 very hungry people with leftovers.

- ~4 pounds of chicken (dark meat is way more flavorful than white, so go with thighs/leg quarters here... gizzards are also very good, and the word on the street is that chicken feet are the absolute best, but that hasn't been tried in my family for 2 generations. ...not that I don't believe it...)

- ~2.5 quarts of water

- 1 onion

- 2 carrots

- 1 or 2 parsnips

- as much garlic as you want (~4-5 cloves)

- 2 ribs celery

- large handful of fresh dill

- large handful of fresh parsley

- I happened to have fennel fronds in my fridge, so I used them here, too

- salt and pepper

Start by rinsing, drying, and skinning the chicken pieces and taking off the extra fat, but because it's Passover, you get to make shmaltz, so set the fat aside in a small pot. Put chicken pieces into a big soup pot, and I like to give them one extra rinsing in warm water (and draining). Cover with ~2.5 quarts of water, and set on highest possible heat. While the chicken's getting up to temperature, peel the carrots, onion, parsnips, and garlic, and wash the celery, dill, parsley, and in my case, fennel fronds. I typically cut the onion in half, leave the garlic intact, cut the carrots, celery, and parsnips into thirds. Set them aside.

When the chicken is on the verge of boiling, you'll notice crud on the surface. Skim it off as it boils into a cup, and when you've gotten most of it off (you'll never get it perfect, so don't even try), throw in the veggies, dill, and parsley (and fennel). Poke it all under the water, bring it back to a boil, and just let it very gently simmer as long as you want. Several hours at a very gentle simmer is ideal. Throw in some salt and pepper when you have a chance, but don't really season it until it's done. You may be surprised at how much salt it needs, especially if you're using nonkosher chicken, but just go with it. Also, you can reduce it if it tastes too watery - just uncover it.

Shmaltz -

THE ingredient that sums up Ashkenazi celebratory cooking - rendered chicken fat. We may not have lard in our history, but oh baby, we have chicken grease. And crispy chicken skins, called gribenes. It's the Jewish version of pork rinds, cracklings, chicharrones, etc. IMO, nothing goes better with mashed potatoes.

- Chicken fat, skins

- Water

Put chicken skins and fat in a small pot with a tiny bit of water (to keep them from sticking). Set it on a low flame, and let it bubble all the water out and render out the fat from the skins. You will be left with golden chicken grease and highly crispy chicken skin. This is why onions were invented; to fry in chicken fat.

Chopped Liver Salad -

I know, I know. Pretty much everyone in the world HATES liver. Except for me. I know this is a lot of liver, but I love it. And so does Danny and his father. While it is extraordinarily high in cholesterol, it's also very high in iron. Again, it's celebratory food. If I gorged myself every night on this, I'd be very unhealthy. Once in a while? No problems there. I love it, no guilt involved. I guess just take the proportions from this recipe, if you're skeptical.

- 4 lbs chicken livers

- 6 hard boiled eggs

- 2 onions

- salt and pepper

Turn your oven broiler on high and let everything get hot. Put livers on a broiling pan, and when the oven is really hot, stick them as close to the heat as possible, and cook them for 2 minutes on one side, and if they're still quite soft, a minute or two on the other. Don't overcook them! They'll get grainy and revolting. I've been eating rather rare liver my whole life, and I've never gotten sick from it. That being said, I cooked it more than my mom does. The inside of the livers should be just barely pink. When they are, take them out of the oven and let them cool a bit. Put them in a food processor with the eggs. Chop and fry the onions (preferably in shmaltz) until very caramelized, and add half of them to the processor along with salt and pepper. Process until smooth and creamy. Season to your preference (don't be stingy w/ the pepper), and stir the other half of the onions in by hand for texture. If you're shooting for extremely creamy pate, obv. include them when you process.

(My mom adds in mayonnaise, but I didn't see the point. Add it if it makes you happy.)

Carrot Kugel-

This is stolen straight from The Food Processor Bible by Norene Gilletz. It is delicious cold for breakfast along with tasting quite nice warm as a side dish.

- 6-8 medium carrots

- 2 large apples, peeled and cored

- 1 lemon in chunks, seeds picked out, peel left on

- 6 eggs

- 2 tbsp matzoh meal

- 1/2 c potato starch (or corn when it's not Passover)

- 1 c sugar

- 1/2 c Manischewitz (or another sweet wine)

Peel and shred the carrots and apples. Dump them in a large bowl. Switch from the grater to the blade in the food processor, throw the lemon, in chunks, and process it into oblivion. Dump it in the bowl with the carrots and apples. Crack the eggs into the food processor, and process for a few seconds. Add the eggs and everything else to the bowl, mix it up, and then dump it into a greased vessel. The book says a 2-quart casserole dish, but I don't really know what that is. I've been eating/making it forever in those rectangular pyrex things, and I like it better when it's flat and ~1 inch high. It dries out more and tastes a little better, IMO. Anyway, whatever you choose to bake it in, put it in a 375 F oven for 50-60 minutes until it gets golden brown. Obv. it isn't going to rise...

Broccoli w/ Garlic -

Very simple, pretty healthy.

- Broccoli

- Garlic

- Olive oil

Cut and wash the broccoli. Peel a buttload of garlic. Take the broccoli, put it in a microwave-safe dish, covered, with a bit of water on the bottom, and steam. I start with 4 minutes, give it a stir and adjust from there. When done, drain and set aside. Take garlic, slice it, cut it into chunks, whatever makes you happy, just don't cut it too small. Put some olive oil into the cooking vessel of your choice, and throw garlic into the cold pan. Leave the heat on medium low. The goal here is to draw out the garlic flavor into the oil. Slowly cook the garlic until golden brown, cut the heat, and mix with broccoli.

Mashed Potatoes -

- potatoes cut in chunks

- onion

- garlic

- shmaltz

- gribenes

Put potatoes on to boil. While they're boiling, cut up the onion into small pieces, and do the same to the garlic. Set the garlic aside because you don't want to add it to the pan w/ the onion at the same time. I like chopping up some gribenes, too. When the potatoes are soft, drain, and leave them. Get some shmaltz hot, and throw the onion in. The goal is something between a sautee (fast and hot) and caramelization (hot, but not as hot and more slowly). When the onion starts to look translucent, add the garlic and gribenes. Continue until they're browned and smell good, and then dump the potatoes back into the pot they were boiled in, followed by the sauteed add-ins. Mash. Season with salt and pepper.

Matzoh Brittle, a/k/a/ Matzoh Crack -

This is the best way to eat matzoh ever in the history of time. My mom got the recipe from my former high school math tutor, Mrs. Fisher.

- 5-6 matzohs

- 1 c butter/margarine (do NOT use shmaltz here)

- 1 c brown sugar

- chocolate chips

- walnuts

Start by amply greasing a cookie sheet with RAISED EDGES. Very, very important, these raised edges. Fit the matzoh on it in a single layer (use another one if need be), and preheat the oven to 375 F. Put the butter and brown sugar in a pot and cook on medium heat until simmering. Cook like that for 3 minutes. Pour the grease + sugar all over the matzohs, trying to roughly evenly distribute it. Doesn't have to be perfect. After you put these sheets in the oven, immediately decrease the heat to 350 F, and bake for 10-15 minutes. Be very careful it doesn't burn. Take it out and liberally sprinkle with chocolate chips. Wait ~5 minutes, and spread them around with a spatula (they will have melted from the heat), and top with walnut pieces. I had whole ones, so I squashed them in my hands as I went. When it's cool enough to touch, break it haphazardly into pieces. I put it in the fridge after that so it'll cool faster.

Passover Apple Cake -

This is a little involved, but it's very tasty. It's straight from the food processor bible.

Filling:

- 4 large apples peeled and cored

- 1/2 c sugar

- 1 tsp ground cinnamon

- 1 tbsp potato starch

Batter:

- 3 eggs

- 3/4 c sugar

- 1/2 c oil

- 3/4 c cake meal

- 1/4 c potato starch

- 1 tsp ground cinnamon

- 1/4 cup orange or lemon juice

Preheat oven to 375 F

For filling: Use the slicing attachment on the food processor, and slice the apples. Dump in a bowl, mix in the rest of the filling ingredients

For batter: Process eggs with sugar with the blade for 1 minute until light. Add oil through the feed tube while the machine's running, and process another 30 seconds. Uncover, add cake meal, potato starch, and cinnamon, drizzle juice over dry ingredients, and process with 3-4 on/off quick pulses until just smooth. Let it sit for 2 minutes so it thickens slightly. Pour half the batter into a greased 8" square pan. Add the apple filling mixture and cover with the remaining batter. Bake for 45-50 minutes, until nicely browned.

*********

So, yeah. I think the order I made everything was soup, shmaltz, carrot kugel, apple cake, charoset, horseradish, broccoli, matzoh crack, chopped liver, mashed potatoes. I put the soup up first because that's a long slow process, and so is doing the shmaltz. Then when things were in the oven, I did a lot of chopping, peeling, etc. so I was ready to do the next thing. Danny rocked the matzoh balls hardcore and he did most of the cleaning.

That day, I also had an exam. Turns out I did slightly above average. I am a fucking rock star.

Recovery.

2009-04-10T10:58:00.003-04:00

I cooked for 5 hours straight yesterday, banged out a seder from soup to dessert, had time for a shower + grooming, and everything came out delicious and amazing. I am still recovering. More on the food later. ;)

Passover

2009-04-09T05:25:00.002-04:00

It's Passover, and Danny in his infinite wisdom invited his parents over for the second seder to our apartment, I am seriously going to drop a nut, proverbially speaking.

I make weird haroset, weird lemony carrot kugel, weird broccoli and garlic, and weird everything. The apartment is tiny, I don't have candlesticks (I have this crazed rather brilliant idea born of desperation that includes small flowerpots, potting soil, and maybe a few flowers... very Martha-Stewart-on-crack, and the damn thing better work), our table is too small, his parents are bringing their motherfucking dogs, and there's going to be a toddler, our apartment is a death trap, and no one is going to be here who's going to be on my side.

Danny doesn't count because he's in the middle.

Oh, and I have a test this morning at 8. And I can't sleep.

Croutons

2009-04-04T15:50:00.002-04:00

Apparently, I suck at making croutons. I tried the other day with some ancient bread ends that somehow never grew mold in the back of the fridge. The end result wasn't croutons, but it was madd tasty.

Some recipe suggested heating garlic in olive oil, throwing in the bread, tossing to coat, and then continuing to cook so the bread would toast. It sounded simple enough. I think I may have overloaded the pan, because the bread never crisped up. The garlic started out well enough; I started it in cold oil, gradually letting it heat up so it would infuse all the oil with its garlicky goodness. When it was sizzling and just starting to brown, I threw in the bread cubes, adding some salt, pepper, and paprika, and tossed and toasted the whole deal.

This yielded garlicky, salty, chewy, greasy, absolutely delicious bread chunks that weren't crispy but tasted amazing on salad anyway. I ate a bunch of them as snack food. Very awesome. Failing at croutons isn't failing at all.

Oatmeal.

2009-03-25T20:51:00.002-04:00

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, aliens didn't abduct me, and I didn't get shanghied into a guerilla army in a small South American country. Instead, I went on vacation with Danny and several other people, and holy crap, that was a butt-ton of work. We went to New Hampshire for some spring skiing (and snowboarding! woo!). To keep costs down, Danny and I bought/cooked everything we'd need for a week of good eating. Chili, curried chicken, cholent, lentil soup, meatballs and sauce, and my dad baked us a huge tray of ziti. We relied on oatmeal for breakfast; fast, filling, and cement-like, it fits the bill for perfect pre-ski b-fast.

At this point in time, I would like to revise my opinion of oatmeal. Since childhood, I have viewed this breakfast food as lumpy, mushy, gross, and only good for my cholesterol and bowel regularity. It was something I'd come to eat when my cholesterol and bowel movements were of interest to me, hopefully in several decades. However, I had a revelation. After eating sweet oatmeal for like 4 days straight in NH, on a whim I decided to try it savory. My grandma used to eat it that way for as long as I can remember, but for whatever reason I saw that as completely upside down. Maybe because you can't put chocolate chips into savory oatmeal? Sounds about right... But anyway, I put a scraping of butter for flavor, some cheese, salt, and pepper into my bowl full of glop, stirred it up so the cheese melted, and lo and behold, it was not unlike the otherworldy cheesey grits my friend B. made one time. She would probably die upon reading this comparison, but it did it for me, a Noo Yawka who just doesn't know any better.

I mean, melty cheesey delciousness that early in the morning? The only thing missing was some hot sauce. I think the key is to make oatmeal like Danny makes oatmeal, stir it and stir it until it's roughly the consistancy of mortar, and THEN add the cheese.

I've been fantasizing over how this can be improved. First of all, oatmeal and milk? Dirt cheap. Can't improve upon that. Butter... well, I just use enough to give it the hint of flavor, but I could probably duplicate the creaminess with whole milk instead of the 1% we used. And really, butter isn't completely necessary, so you could leave that out. The cheese... well, we used munster which was great, but a good sharp cheddar would totally rock, jarlsberg would be lovely, gouda would taste great (maybe even smoked gouda?), and I will likely try this at some point with pecorino romano.

Another addition that occured to me is a runny fried egg. My aunt makes the best eggs ever, and I figured out how she does it! She cracks them when the pan is still cold, so they cook very slowly and gradually, which gives the bottoms enough time to get crispy. Then she puts liberal amounts of pepper, paprika (obv, not the hot one... but this reminds me that I need to get my hands on pimenton, the smoked variety which I bet would blow my face off because it would taste so good), and dried basil on top, and cooks them just until the yolk begins to set. I would love one of those babies on top of my oatmeal. Hellz yes.

Maybe I'd put some sauteed greens with garlic or thawed spinach between my oatmeal and egg too, come to think of it. The more I think of it, the better it sounds. This is now morphing from a one-dish breakfast to a brunch/lunch/dinner dish. For the non-kosher among us who like to go whole hog - literally - why not add some crumbled bacon?

Trust me, you'll be full until dinnertime.

Fishity Fish Fish Fish.

2009-02-26T11:30:00.003-05:00

I like fish. I bought a large jar of pickled herring from Costco last time we were there, and it makes me sad that the MD Costco doesn't carry whole smoked whitefish like the one in NY. Courtesy of watching my dad many Saturday/Sunday mornings taking apart whole whitefish throughout the course of my life, I make my own smoked whitefish salad which, if I may be so bold to say, is significantly superior to store-bought varieties.

(How to make whitefish salad: buy appropriate poundage of smoked whitefish. Remove meat, throw in tupperware. Add mayonnaise - Hellman's, you fools! Nothing but Hellman's! Mix. Put on real fresh bagel - toasting optional - with cucumber slices. Revel in the smoky, fishy, chewy, creamy, crunchy, cucumbery goodness.)

For ocasional fresh fish treats, Danny and I go with Trader Joe's frozen offerings. We've sampled their tuna (sear it after a quick marinade in soy, garlic, and ginger, include the ginger and garlic in the pan; it is excellent on salads or anything else), wild salmon, and sole.

With the salmon, I sliced kumquats (a seasonal treat currently available at TJ's! Woohoo!), garlic, salt, and pepper over the 2 fillets, each with a sprig of rosemary, and stuck them in a very hot broiler until they were just done. We ate them with sliced tomatoes topped with a few rogue kumquat slices, balsamic vinegar, and a bit of olive oil and some coconut rice and beans.

(The coconut rice and beans is very easy. For 1 meal for 2 people, take 1 cup of rice, 1 can of coconut milk in a measuring cup, and filling the difference with water, make sure you get 2 cups of liquid. Put rice and liquid in a pot, and add 1/2-1 can of drained and lightly rinsed black beans. Top with a little salt, maybe some allspice, and cover. Heat and boil until the level of liquid is below the top of the rice, turn heat on low, cover, and let it steam. Don't let it burn. Eat when soft.)

Actually, the nice thing about kumquats is their flesh is extremely tart so there's no need for lemon juice to counteract fishiness, but the peel is very very sweet. So when you cook them, there's virtually no bitterness. Also, a lot of the sour goes away with cooking. And you still get crazy amounts of citrus flavor because you leave the peel on and you're supposed to eat the whole thing. It was such a Carribbean-meets-Mediterranean flavor combination, it made the grey February go away because it tasted like sunshine. The tomatoes, the coconut, the fish, and the citrus... mm-mm.

You know, kumquats are an amazing ingredient because you get a huge amount of tangy, sweet, and flavor all in one easily handled fruit. All you need to do is wash, slice, and make sure you get [most of] the pits out. No peeling, no hard carapace, no equipment needed to access the yumminess, and no shells. Besides, the fewer ingredients required to make something that tastes awesome, the better.

Anyway, back to the fish. The sole. Danny was craving something fried, so we decided to fry the sole. The fail-safe breading procedure is flour-egg-bread crumbs. We used panko, and the beauty of that style of breading is whatever you're frying, be it eggplant or fish, doesn't absorb excessive oil. I mean, obviously you're frying something and when you eat it you're going to say, "oohhhhh yeah, fried whatever-it-is," but it doesn't get gratuitously grease-logged and nasty. So it was Danny's turn, and he fried the fish to perfection. Olive oil was fine here. We had the leftover rice from our salmon feast, and Danny made this garlic tomato chipotle sauce. Sautee ~2-3 cloves of garlic a little bit, dump in a large can of peeled whole tomatoes, reduce by ~1/2 (the tomatoes will fall apart by then), and kill the flame. Put 1 chipotle en adobo in the food processor, dump the tomatoes in, and food process. Obviously, if you like the smoky heat, use more chipotles. I put fish, a small heap of rice and beans, and a pile of thawed frozen spinach on my plate with a huge glob of sauce in the middle. I kind of dragged everything through the sauce, and it took the whole meal south of the border.

Very satisfying. Very delicious. And I got my omega 3's. So, fish. From Eastern Europe to the Mediterranean to the American southwest/Mexico by way of the Carribbean. :)

Boring.

2009-02-15T19:11:00.002-05:00

I am currently eating some of the most boring food ever because I'm on a crazy antibiotic. I have been eating lots of yogurt in an attempt to keep my gut bacteria maybe less than completely dead, chicken soup because, well, it makes you better even though no one knows why, saltines to try to glue the very liquid contents of my GI together, bananas, and the occasional cheese and tomato sandwich on bread.

Scrambled eggs are as greasy as I can go right now. Danny made waffles for breakfast the other day, but I couldn't handle straight maple syrup on them. So I got a bunch of yogurt, mixed a bit of maple syrup in for the flavor, and dipped the waffles in. It was surprisingly tasty! ....or my palate is just that bored...

Oh, does cough syrup count? Been taking a lot of that lately, too.

Weird Noodly Things

2009-02-09T13:10:00.004-05:00

So we tried the bizarre lasagna last night!

First, I roasted a whole ton of carrot and parsnip slices after coating them in a haphazard mixture of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and honey. I roasted them at 400 F giving them a stir every 15 min or so until they were soft and kind of caramelized. They were very tasty by themselves.

Then I took most of a tub full of ricotta cheese (a bit less than 1 lb), half a log of goat cheese (roughly... er... maybe half a pound? I totally forget how much one large log of it from Trader Joe's weighs. Basically, I added it and smooshed everything together until it tasted enough like goat cheese to make me happy), and one egg and mixed it up. Then I took 3 cloves of garlic, a handful of sage leaves, and some rosemary, and processed that into a pseudo-pesto with the help of a small handful of walnuts and olive oil.

Following that, Danny and I had an argument over whether we should pre-boil the lasagna noodles. We ended up boiling them. Then we layered noodles, veggies, and gobs of pesto and cheese in that order until we ran out, grated parmesan over the whole deal, and baked it at 350 F.

The verdict? It is very tasty. It's not perfect, though. It needs more filling, and the filling needs more liquid. I suppose I should have used cream somewhere, or something like that, but I like finding balance between gratuitously unhealthy things and things I can eat in good conscience on a regular basis that don't become "treat" foods.

Because then everything becomes a treat, and then what do you have left for special occasions?

Vegetables! In pancake form!

2009-02-06T09:49:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I finished my work early (fluorescence experiments are short periods of intense work, but they are far superior to plating because they don't take 3 days) so I went to Trader Joe's in search of vegetables in the late afternoon.

TJ's delivered! Sometimes their produce is sad and wilted and I get angry that they prepackage it so I can't root through it to pick out the good stuff, but yesterday I scored some awesome broccoli and eggplants. The broccoli florets were all green, perky, and tightly packed, and the stems weren't funky and brown on the bottoms, so I got 3 bunches. This seems like a lot, but it really isn't the way Danny and I eat. I chopped off the florets to bag en masse for stirfries, steaming, etc. And the stalks were left. When I was a kid, I liked the broccoli stalks more than the florets. I think it was a texture thing, but Danny doesn't like them at all. But dude! They're perfectly good broccoli stalks! I can't throw them out.

So, I went back to a veggie tactic from my mom's bag of tricks, cracked my Food Processor Bible to check ingredient ratios, and made broccoli pancakes or latkes, depending on what side of the Judeo-Christian divide you subscribe to. The basic recipe is as follows:

- 2 c shredded veggies (like ~6 carrots, ~6 broccoli stalks, etc).
- 1 medium onion
- 3 eggs
- 1/2 c flour
- 1/2 tsp baking powder
- salt and pepper
- oil for frying

First, shred whatever veggie or combination thereof in the food processor, and take it out. Then put the blade in and toss in the onion. Process until it's in small bits. Throw the rest of the ingredients in (except the oil), including the shredded veggies, and process until blended. It should be somewhat chunky. Heat up a pan with some oil, and with the flame on medium, drop them in with a spoon, flattening them a bit with the spoon. Cook like 2-3 min per side, roughly speaking, until they're browned.

So, use whatever vegetable combination you want. The broccoli ones seem like they'd taste good with a teriyaki-like dipping sauce... some combination of soy, ginger, garlic, and sweet/tangy. The basic flavor is gentle and sweet from the onion cooking with (obviously) whatever vegetable you added. It would take to a light addition of herbs very well.

These ended up taking the place of the risotto last night with the roast chicken and some of the broccoli florets, lightly steamed. It was a broccolicentric meal, and it was delicious.

Upcoming experiment...

2009-02-05T13:53:00.002-05:00

I am planning an upcoming experiment not involving E. coli, osmotic shock, fluorescence, and mechanosensitive channels! Can I get a what what?

I will experiment most likely on Sunday. This experiment will involve roasted root vegetables (parsnips and carrots) in a lasagna of sorts, probably with some herby pesto-ish thing in place of tomato sauce, and cheese. Danny and I are thinking provolone, because Costco sells big things of it. I keep making the same things over and over again, and I need to explore alternatives. Roasted root veggie lasagna seems like a good idea.

Tonight, however, is roast chicken, and Danny's going to make mushroom risotto. I think I may stop to pick up a veggie. Broccoli? Sauteed greens with garlic? The real question should be "What's on sale?"

Oatmeal.

2009-02-02T10:17:00.002-05:00

When I was a kid, I hated oatmeal, which was reserved for cold weather breakfast. I liked being full for the whole day and warm, but I hated the stuff. It was glorpy and rubbery and lumpy. Ecch. The only way I liked it was when there were chocolate chips melted into it (which was only a weekend treat, so I was pretty much screwed for the rest of the week). I would swallow it down as fast as possible (because I was always hungry and was never one for hunger strikes) and catch the bus.

But with age comes tolerance and from tolerance comes appreciation. I would honestly prefer leftover curry or shakshouka for breakfast than oatmeal, but that's just not a regular option. So I started making my own oatmeal packets. I have a thing of soymilk at work in the fridge. I fill a little sandwich bag with an approximate 1/2 cup of oatmeal, some brown sugar, and cinnamon. We have a thing of frozen cherries so I've been putting those in a different bag, but when I run out, raisins or whatever dried thing we've got will be my fruit of choice.

Then I nuke it. Actually, that makes it sound easier than it is. We have a Large Hadron Collider strength microwave that is completely out of control. You can't even see in the door, so you can't tell when it's starting to boil over. The invisibility might be intentional since one might go blind if you look the microwave in the eye. And even if you think you've changed the power level, it doesn't necesarily mean it'll be at a lower setting than Destructinate. I'm not sure if I'm inept, the microwave is possessed, or the microwave is broken. I have a feeling it's a combination of all three with particular emphasis on the first.

But once you get over pausing it every thirty seconds to poke at it with a spoon, let the bubbling lava settle back into the bowl, and not ooze all over the place, it's actually very nice and convenient. I get to determine how sweet/spiced/fruity my glop is, and I get it piping hot first thing in the morning. And I don't drag around wild-eyed and irritable because I'm hungry.

So screw the over-sugared Quaker oatmeal packets. Make your own. They're better.

Herring.

2009-01-22T10:09:00.002-05:00

So, there's this appetizing place in NY called Russ and Daughters. It specializes in fish products. Any kind of salmon: smoked, preserved, etc. and any kind of herring you could possibly want, or if it's caviar you're after, they sell it too. It's pretty amazing. Apparently it's been on Oprah, which decidedly lowers its street cred in my book, but that's simply because I'm kind of a bastard.

I was educating Danny and indirectly his sister who, along with his mother, recently "discovered" a corner of NYC they love besides Bloomingdale's and Broadway - Zabar's (and yet, they've never been to the Met, which totally kills me because I pretty much grew up there, but that's another rant for another day). I was poking around on Russ and Daughters website telling Danny what they sell, he was telling his sister over the phone, and I noticed they have a blog.

On their blog is a particularly hilarious blurb, "Boy Eats Herring and Becomes Funny, Active, Smart, and Intelligent, and Also It Makes Him Look More Like President Barack Obama." First of all, it's just funny. Second of all, the kid looks so thrilled to be eating a piece of herring off a fork, it's awesome. Third of all, he does kind of look like a miniature Obama. I think it's the forehead and haircut.

Homemade cake mix?

2009-01-19T20:20:00.003-05:00

First of all, there's this highly underrated cookbook I have. It isn't food pornography, it's not hawked by an American TV personality, and it's definitely not glossy. It's written by Norene Gilletz, and it's called "The Food Processor Bible." My mom has the old copy, which is liberally stained on many, many pages. I'm sure I've eaten more things from it than I realize.

Anyway, one of the standbys from when I was a kid and my mom would make my brother and me birthday cakes - towering, multilayered, very homemade, jam-and-icing laden, delicious confections - she'd use this one recipe for chocolate cake. In the book, it's called "cockeyed cake." Two posts previously, I mentioned it as the healthiest chocolate cake could ever hope to be. It happens to be vegan, and I could see it being a homemade cake mix. The dry ingredients could be mixed up weeks or months is advance, and then after measuring out a certain quantity, water, oil, vinegar and vanilla could be added. Baking time is 30 minutes. Not bad.

The recipe is as follows:

1.5 c flour

1 c sugar

1/3 c cocoa

1 tsp baking soda

0.5 tsp salt

5 tblsp oil

1 tblsp vinegar

1 tsp vanilla

1 c cold water

- Food processor the dry ingredients 10 seconds until blended.

- Add wet ingredients and process 6-8 seconds until just blended.

- Bake in a greased 8 inch square pan for 30 min at 350 F.

A couple things... the recipe suggests using peppermint as a substitute for vanilla extract. I'm sure orange or almond would taste excellent too. Also, remember that baking soda/vinegar experiment from back in the day in science class? It's a simple acid-base reaction that forms carbon dioxide gas (and water). This carbon dioxide is where the leavening for the cake comes from, so once you add the vinegar, don't continue food processing too long, and try to have your oven preheated so you can throw the cake right in. Also, the recipe said a greased pan. I would consider greasing and flouring, because of the 2 cakes I made in a greased-only pan, one came out ok and the other kind of got messed up when I took it out of the pan. It might have been my fault, but mreh... :)

If you wanted to store things, I could see measuring the dry ingredients into a ziplock bag, labeling it, maybe writing necessary amounts of wet ingredients + baking time and temp. on it so you don't forget, and storing it in a cabinet until you want chocolate cake and you want it NOW.

Also, this cookbook is really nice... it has a nice balance of meat based recipes, vegetable ones, starch, and dessert. It goes from more traditional recipes to recipes for Cantonese short ribs. There are recipes specific to the Jewish tradition (like Passover things, etc.), but cookbooks containing pork recipes never stopped me, so the reverse should be true for any non-Jews. Besides, haroset is really tasty. (It's a paste of walnuts, apples, honey, cinnamon, sweet red wine (Manishewitz, represent!), and maybe some ginger. Or if you're from the Middle East, you do a banana and date-based one.) This cookbook doesn't have quite the amount of veggie recipes I'd like, but this is a quality cookbook for anyone who says "fuck it" to knife skills. Because the food processor does the work for you.

But I digress... anyway, that's my cake recipe!

Put some cherries between 2 of those babies, whip some cream and cover the whole deal, and you have yourself some very respectable layer cake for dessert. Just make sure you have people coming over, so that you don't end up eating the whole thing yourself.

Lentils

2009-01-19T17:28:00.002-05:00

Holy crap, people, the Giant supermarket by me was literally OUT OF REGULAR LENTILS.

I kid you not. I had to make lentil soup from red lentils. More on that later, but dude. Out of LENTILS?

LENTILS??!??!!

Out of Goya AND the house brand. I could not believe mine eyes. This recession thing is for real.

Holy working week, Batman!

2009-01-16T12:28:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a slightly scatterbrained post.

I have not been doing anything particularly awesome in the culinary sense this week. I did satisfy a craving for black forest cake by making my own. I made 2 rounds of the simplest and almost healthy chocolate cake in the world (coincidentally and completely by accident, it's vegan). Then, I got cherries from TJ's in light syrup, which I put between the two layers, and then I covered the whole deal in whipped cream (good-bye, vegan).

That was probably on the whole cheaper than buying a slice of cake somewhere which would have likely tasted of additives and other crap and would have left me feeling sad and unfulfilled. However, the downside is that I have half a black forest cake sitting in my fridge pleading with me to be eaten every time I open the fridge.

Bad planning, HungryGrad. Very bad. Must make massive cake construction coincide with a dinner party or something.

In other news, I have decided to limit the amount of pasta that Danny and I cook in one week to 1 pound, tops. Danny is a hardcore starch hound, but I think after this week even he is tired of pasta. We made lemon dill pasta salad, lime cilantro pasta salad, and a parsley pesto on pasta. I don't want anymore bloody pasta.

Happily, tonight is going to be pan seared fish, papaya salsa, and rutabaga latkes. I can't wait. I'm so tired of pasta that I engineered a sardine salad for lunch today. 1 can of sardines, 1 can of kippers, a glob of yogurt, some capers, mustard, and I think I should have squeezed some lemon in, but I didn't. I chopped up a ton of dill, sliced some cukes, and put it all in a tupperware with a few slivers of Jarlsberg. Ate it with a spoon, because I didn't even want bread.

People, I actively miss beans.

I made a vat of curried chicken a couple weeks ago, sans the chicken. I doubled the recipe (because I love it so much) and in lieu of chicken, I threw in 3 cans of beans - kidney, garbanzo, and some weird whitish ones. It was gone very rapidly, and is definitely in the running for something to make for the week, especially since it goes very well with lima bean and dill rice (a Persian thing) which is good because we have a huge bouquet of dill that needs to get eaten. Another possibility for this weekend's cooking activities is a lentil soup of epically hearty proportions, as well as a minestrone. I am so back on the bean. I want the minestrone to be vegetarian, but I haven't decided if I want to include hotdogs in the lentil soup. Need some input from Danny. There's also half a head of red cabbage that's going to get cooked down with an apple and an onion and some vinegar and sugar into sweet and sour cabbage.

This is odd, but i'm craving spinach. The frozen-in-a-block kind. I want to put it in the microwave, thaw and warm it, drain it, and then put the entire package on a steaming hot baked potato with a touch of sour cream, and some sauteed/roasted garlic. And some salt and pepper. That would make me incredibly happy.

Hm. Yet another meal possibility for the week...

Syringes in the Kitchen

2009-01-06T11:54:00.004-05:00

This is a most unattractive picture of me imitating a mad scientist injecting sufganiyot (briefly mentioned here) with jelly. More specifically Polaner All-Fruit raspberry whatevertheycallit. I love raspberry preserves/jam/jelly.

I'm sure there's a better technique for preserves injection that doesn't involve unused dental syringes (because Danny had his wisdom teeth out, the dentists' office equipped him with 2 syringes to clean out his mouth holes - or whatever you want to call them - so we had some good equipment). When filling doughnuts of any kind, celebratory or not, is there a better way to jammify them? Obviously people have been doing this for much longer than there have been syringes, so they must have some way to go about this culinary pursuit.

I've seen recipes for a two-part doughnut with jelly in the middle like a sandwich, but I'd imagine it would get absorbed and kind of gooky during frying. Other recipes say to use a syringe or a spoon and a small hole. Hm.

This frying/filling business isn't something I'm familiar with or good at...

When life gives you lemons...

2009-01-03T12:51:00.000-05:00

..you CLONE them, and make SUPER lemons!!!!

(Madd, madd props if you got that reference.)

If you didn't, that was from Clone High, a fantastic cartoon show MTV did for 2 seasons. The first season was amazingly excellent, but the second season was a little too trippy and disjointed for my viewing tastes.

But anyway, I had lemons. And eggplants. And ample amounts of tahini. And I'm sick and I wanted something garlicky to kill the cold viruses. Despite the shakiness of this particular bubbe meise, baba ganoush and hummus sounded excellent. I've written about how to make baba ganoush before, and rereading it, it still sounds right. Adding the tahini straight from the jar (instead of premixing it with lemon juice, salt, smashed garlic, and water to get the dressing you'd pour over falafel) amps up the creaminess and minimizes any residual wateriness from the eggplants. And I've written about how to make hummus before, too. Rereading it, it sounds pretty good, although if I was only making 1 can of chickpeas, I'd probably cut the garlic back to one clove. But then, I never make just one can's worth of hummus because between Danny and I, it would be gone in a few hours.

I made both, and it really does make me feel better. The strong garlic and lemon make it through my sinuses and I can actually taste something! Huzzah. Now I have to wait 30 minutes before I take a cold-eeze because of the citrus.

Cholent

2009-01-02T10:48:00.000-05:00

I've noticed men prepare very distinct foods, foods that inspire the most macho of men to don an apron and a grim expression, pick up a fire extinguisher, and sally forth. In the US, these dude foods include things like vats of chili and barbeque, mainly hearty meat dishes. Very similar to these particular foods is cholent, a dish that is confined primarily to the eastern European Jewish communities.

Men make cholent. This doesn't mean women don't (this woman certainly does...). But what I mean is everyone's father/boyfriend/husband/brother knows how to make it, and they have their own special additions. The particular variant I grew up eating is pared down to basics, easy to throw together and even easier to cook.

Cholent is all beans and meat, with the most expensive ingredient being the meat. Bare bones of what you need for four people (4 people! 4 of them! If you live by yourself, you'll be drowning in cholent if you don't at least halve your recipe!) is 2 cups of dried beans, 1 cup of dried barley, and 3 pounds of meat. The meat should be decently marbled; if it's too lean you'll be chewing on shoe leather, but if it's too marbled you'll be drowning in grease. Generic stew beef is perfectly acceptable. Just make sure you cut it in chunks. For flavor, you'll need 1 whole onion, a bunch of paprika, a couple bay leaves, dried ginger (optional), salt, and pepper. The only caveat is that because the beans need a good soaking, you have to start 2 days before you want to eat it.

Before I get to the recipe, I want to talk about beans. You can use pretty much any dried bean mixture you want. I'm particularly partial to 1 cup (at least) of dried large lima beans, and then a cup of whatever else, usually kidney or pinto or navy beans. I've never used black eyes peas (don't use lentils), but pretty much anything is fair game.

So, let's say your beans and barley are sitting in the pantry, the meat is cut in chunks in the fridge, and you want cholent on Friday night. That means on Wednesday night before you go to sleep, you measure your 2 cups of beans into a really large bowl (they swell up like you wouldn't believe), pour in water until the level is twice what it was with just dried beans, leave it on your counter, and go to sleep. The next morning, transfer them to the fridge before you leave for work/school.

When you come home on Thursday, get out your crock pot. Drain the beans, and dump them into the pot. Measure one cup of barley, and dump that in too. Cut an onion in half from stalk to root end, slice it up, and throw it in. Toss in ~2 bay leaves, a very generous amount of paprika (the sweet kind is what I'd use here), on the scale of tablespoons... probably ~2-3. For the dried ginger, I'd do ~2 teaspoons. Grind a generous amount of pepper in, and sprinkle some salt in, too. Salt and pepper can be adjusted post-cooking to taste. Heat up a pan, and brown your meat chunks. Dump them into the crock pot. Now fill the crock pot with water until the water level is 1-1.5 inches above the beans and meat. At this point, I like to take a large spoon and attempt to mix everything so it's more evenly distributed. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just end up smushing the beans and barley around. It doesn't matter either way. Cover the crock pot, turn it on low, and go to sleep.

When you wake up in the morning on Friday, check the water level in your pot. If it's dropped below the surface of the beans, etc., add more. When you come home, you'll have dinner all set. Usually cholent needs more salt. Only once in 25 years of me being alive has it almost had too much. Oh, a caveat about cholent; you will think you want more. You will be like "Hey, I'm not full! I want another bowl!" and then all of a sudden, "Oh sweet merciful lord I cannot move from this table.... unngnghghghghghghngnnghgnghghghhh... there is a lead shotput in my belly." Be careful. Also, this goes extremely well with vodka toasts. You can do 4-5 shots with a meal of cholent and feel as sober as an observant Mormon. Cholent will keep you full practically forever. It's hot, thick, rich, and the beans get gloriously creamy and the meat falls apart.

Dude food, comfort food, Jewish soul food, whatever. It's an awesome winter dish.

Russian Spam

2009-01-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

Despite its complete ridiculosity, I thought I'd share this tidbit. Russians like spam, but allegedly they really like Polish spam. Much like Coca Cola from Mexico, spam from Poland is superior. The literal translation of the tin is "mechanically separated pork."

Anyone want some mechanically separated pork?

Vacation Rocks My Face Off

2009-01-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

It really does. For one thing, school isn't raining down all kinds of unimaginable hell on my head, the constant buzz of fear has finally shut off because I don't have to live one of my recurring stress nightmares (teaching a subject I know nothing about), and I am surrounded by people who communicate their thoughts fully and comprehensibly.

Actually, my anxiety dreams have grown up with me. When I was a little kid, like 8 or so, I used to dream about going to school naked. I went through puberty, spent a lot of time in locker rooms primarily for basketball and fencing, started dating, and as a result of observation and very rarely getting turned down by boys, I learned that for all my supposed freakishness (and all the awful teasing from girls), I'm actually pretty hot. So, those dreams went away. But far from being free from anxiety, I then dreamt about walking into class, sitting down in the front row, and knowing nothing about whatever the professor is professing. The second semester of my freshman year in undergrad, I accidentally walked into the wrong chemistry lecture, realized it was organic chem - not general chemistry - and slunk out with my heart pounding from a mixture of abject terror and relief. Once I got over that, I've dreamt about having to get up in front of a room full of people, feeling perfectly confident, and then realizing I know NOTHING about the subject about which I am supposed to speak. Well, just got done with that. Two 2-hour sessions a week for a semester is a very effective shock therapy.

I wonder, with what maladjusted phobic scheme will my brain ambush me next?

Anyway, after knocking another thing that scares me off the list of Things That Scare Me, I was totally primed for vacation. Two amazing Chanukah celebrations later, I am fat and happy. Actually, I'm not really fat even though I feel that way from a surfeit of really good food. Because Chanukah is a celebration of a miracle of oil (oil for a menorah lasted 8 days even though there was technically only enough for 1 day), fried food is the order of the day(s). Our celebration included sufganiyot (no idea how to spell that, but it's pronounced soof-gah-nee-yoht'... not a short "o" in the last syllable) which are jelly-filled doughnuts. I used a syringe to inject Polaner's All-Fruit raspberry preserves into the doughnuts my mom made. I know there's probably a less labor intensive way to do it, but I don't know about it... We also did potato latkes (potatoes, onions, egg, flour, water if needed) with apple sauce and sour cream, and my dad made falafel with all the fixings to round out the fried thing.

That's why I feel fat and happy, instead of just happy. But the funny thing is I managed to put on a pair of skinny jeans for a New Year's Eve party I pretty much despaired of ever fitting into. Something stayed my hand when I went through my closet recently. They were too nice; the denim is a deep saturated blue, they don't cling all the way down my calves, they're long enough, and they fit inside boots I own ever so perfectly. I couldn't toss them. When I realized I could slide myself into them, I paired them with a super sequined top that was possibly supposed to be a tunic on a shorter person under a black velvet blazer (after the leaping around with joy finished). I resembled the Times Square ball; just imagine it in a blazer with reddish hair. And of course, shoes. Mine look something like this, only black and a different brand which I've forgotten. That just goes to show you, sometimes even when you feel like a greasy blob, it really is just in your head. Hah.

But actually, between Chanukah and New Year's, I did something other than eat. While I was in New York, I introduced Danny to my best friend from high school who is the one person I've known since I was 15 with whom I can carry on a serious conversation and still joke about poop and farts. Knowing anyone over the course of your most formative years when everyone changes so much and still liking them and having them like you back is pretty huge. He's in law school now, as brilliant and goofy as ever, after finishing a master's in Slavic Studies at Columbia U. and writing a book, and translating things, quitting smoking for the bazillionth time, and generally boggling my mind with all the stuff he does. The three of us went out in a particularly deserted part of town, in bars with animal heads mounted on the walls, talking, laughing, and drinking beer. It was a tremendous relief when it turned out he and Danny got along. I didn't expect a table-flipping brawl, and it wasn't something I'd really been dreading, but, well, you know...

So, there was that, some museum hopping, and TONS of sleeping. Currently, I have a cold. It's not bad, just a nuisance that's keeping me from doing things I want to do. Danny made some amazing chicken soup, which combined with naps, tea, and cold-eeze is keeping me more healthy than sick. Hopefully this trend will continue. I want to take a shower, but I straightened my hair yesterday (which was a TON of work) and lack a showercap. Drat. I might sacrifice my hard work in the name of not being smelly anymore.

Down With the Sickness

2008-10-21T12:07:00.000-04:00

I have a cold. A sore throat, running nose, and general malaise. It comes at a crappy time, seeing as I have an exam to take today. Why it couldn't arrive when I was grading exams, or standing around giving the exam, or grading quizzes, or doing something that didn't directly involve my personal success, I don't know. But here it is.

Besides the constant nasal leakage, the sore throat was making me very unhappy. Thankfully, I have a weapon in my arsenal of cold-fighting tactics, older than Cold-Eeze and Airborne, possibly originating around the same era as parents the world over ladled chicken soup into bowls for sick children and found they felt better afterwards. It is... The Grandpa Calvin Drink.

My mom's dad is my Grandpa Calvin. Well, he was, at any rate. What is the proper etiquette for referring to deceased relatives? Just because he's not alive doesn't mean he's no longer my grandfather; I mean he's my grandfather in memory, right? Well, whatever. I'm going to use the present tense. Anyway, he passed along this concoction to make sore throats feel good, and I'm a huge fan.

The Grandpa Calvin Drink

- Fill a mug with milk, leaving a bit of room at the top.

- Sprinkle in some cinnamon. I added dry ginger to mine just before, and it was very nice.

- Microwave until very warm. Try not to boil it over like I did, but you want it to be hot. Alternatively, you can do this on the stove, but then that's one more pot to wash.

- Add honey until it's as sweet as you like it. I add what likely amounts to ~2 spoons.

- Optional: stir in a small bit of butter. This may aid the throat-coating, it may do nothing at all, or it may just taste nice. I tend to forget this step... maybe because I like my butter on toast, but hey. Whatever you like. :)

- Drink. Grandpa Calvin knew his stuff, people.

If I didn't have to drive to school later, I'd alternate a cup of this with a cup of tea with honey and whiskey to clear out my sinuses. You know, I've never been a fan of newfangled cold medicines. The normal ones tend to make me drowsy, and the non-drowsy formulas make me into a hyperactive lunatic. I'll stick to my Cold-Eeze, chicken soup, milk, tea, honey, and whiskey, thank you very much. Definitely tastier, at any rate...

Food Stamp Challenge, Continued

2008-10-15T15:47:00.000-04:00

Because of an avalanche of grading, homework, and studying responsibilities, I have been remiss in updating on the challenge. First of all, Danny and I spent $22.00 at Trader Joe's for peanut butter, bananas, eggs, milk, cheese, OJ, and a few other necessaries this weekend. The Rosh Hashanah leftovers were finished on Friday, and the fast on Thursday went well. I made a batch of borscht this weekend, and I am officially still in shock over the amount of cabbage one head of said vegetable contains. Danny made some kasha and risotto, too. We've been eating those items for lunch and dinner for most of the week. Our bread has carried over into this week, and that with peanut butter, bananas, and honey, eggs, or cheese and pickles have been nice breakfasts with milk or juice.

Still have enough beets for beet salad. Still have enough cabbage for slaw. In fact, I practically have cabbage coming out of my ears. It is with consternation that I stare at the sizeable wedge of neatly packed layered leaves sitting in the fridge. I think it may be time for a stirfry. Lots of ginger, lots of garlic, tempeh from the fridge, cabbage (of course), carrots, peppers... it'll be good.

Things have been fairly easy, really. This $25 per person per week is very close to what Danny and I spend normally. We've spent $75 over a week and a half with plenty of carryover (there is so much of this delicious, rich borscht, I cannot believe it; I'm going to post the Joy of Cooking recipe which is quite good for those who don't just throw things into a pot), and we haven't even gotten to make chili. I think the overall problem is how we as a society expect to eat, because when it comes down to it, veggies - certain veggies - are still ridiculously cheaper than processed crap.

When you get down to the naked legumes, huddled masses produce, and whole grains, the nutritional bang for buck is gargantuan. If our nation ate like this, there would be absolutely zero obesity epidemic. You'd have larger people and smaller people, for sure, but this "epidemic" would be nonexistant. And it wouldn't be for lack of food. You can eat as much lentil salad, cabbage, borscht, and kasha you want, because you'll still have money in your pocket. Once you get over the initial gassiness from the increased fiber (and you start to enjoy reliable regularity), it's not bad at all. You learn how to make things taste Mexican, Middle Eastern, Indian, Russian, Italian, Asian... and you suddenly have an arsenal of flavors you can apply to various substrates.

Food Stamp Budget Challenge? Not much of a challenge. I can see how it would be monotonous after a while, but it's entirely possible to eat well, plentifully, and insanely healthily. Plus, you can enjoy high-quality or even kosher meat every couple weeks if you're careful. If I ever donate anything to food banks, it'll most likely be a collection of recipes. What I've learned here is that we need to revise our attitudes. My parents used to take one day, usually Sunday, and cook for the week. And we always had hot, healthy, and usually delicious dinners. I mean, people, this is not impossible.

Is it boring to always eat beans? Yes, but why is it any more boring than always eating meat?

Isn't it time-consuming to cook all the time? Yeah, but I'll be damned if I'm going to throw away my health, well-being, alertness, and enjoyment of food in the name of speed. I turn on some nice music, and have at it. Danny is just as - if not more - involved in the kitchen, so everything gets split up.

Oh, and here's my last counter to the "it's too hard" argument about $25 per week per person challenge. Take the money you'd spend every month on cable TV (which is about $60 in my neck of the woods), cancel the cable (I don't get TV), and divide that by 4, which is $15, and add $15 to the weekly family food budget. Oh yeah, and then you'll have time to cook because you'll have an extra 2 hours every night. Or go to the library and borrow books if you have so much free time, or tutor kids (assuming you don't have any) and make some pocket money, or do that thing you like to do but never have time for (like picking up the instrument you've stored in your closet since high school and rediscover your love for honking away on the clarinet).

That's what I think. I may be wrong. I may have no idea what it's really like. But based upon my experience growing up - and I include the present - it isn't impossible. Like so many other things in life, you do what you have to do to get by as well as you possibly can. We only get one shot in one body. Might as well make it count, even when it sucks, no?

Food Stamp Budget: Proceeding

2008-10-08T21:28:00.000-04:00

So, this food stamp budget thing is ok.

For breakfast, I grabbed a handful of fruit (several plums) to throw down on my stomach full of nerves, because woah nelly, this teaching thing is a bitch. The last time I took biology was in high school, and now I'm expected to teach 2 recitation sections of Mammalian Physiology to psychotic rabid premeds. Imagine someone told you to teach 20th century British literature, with the only qualification being that you speak and read English. That more or less defines the mess I've gotten myself into, and it is quite possibly in the running to make the list of The Top 10 Worst Things In The World That One Can Do.

Danny had leftover bobka (cake) and plums with yogurt (from the fridge) for breakfast, and he had leftover stuffed cabbage, pot roast, and sweet and sour cabbage, mashed potatoes, bread with pickles, and finally brie and leftover cake for dessert. For lunch, I had leftover stuffing and lentils, and for dinner, leftover stuffed cabbage sandwich (toast, warmed stuffed cabbage cut into slices, a bit of mayo and ketchup to supplement the sauce) and leftover cake. See, this leftover thing is getting in the way. I think the only way to make it so I can see what $25 per person per week is really like is by doing it for several weeks. Technically, the leftover stuffing was free; I took it along with stuffed cabbage, pot roast, mashed potatoes, and a whole bunch of cake home from Rosh Hashanah. Oh yeah, and tomorrow is Yom Kippur, where Jews fast all day. So really, this is one big cheat. I can't bring myself to waste food by ignoring the amazing leftovers in the name of experimentation.

I'm going to do it again this upcoming week.

I haven't made beet salad or borscht yet, and I still have one pumpkin. We have an obscene amount of bread left, and there's sweet and sour cabbage and about 2 servings of pumpkin soup still in the fridge. My lunch finished off the lentils. And might I add... anyone not blessed with bowel regularity ought to consider increasing their intake of lentils. Seriously. All you need is some sauteed soup veg, a very generous amount of lemon juice and chopped parsley, and some salt and pepper. I'm addicted to it. But then, I grew up in a house where lemon, salt, and pepper was the dressing of choice for, well, nearly everything.

And by nearly everything, I mean normal salad, drained canned chickpeas, steamed zucchini, steamed broccoli, raw sliced tomato (plain and on sandwiches), fish (broiled, grilled, steamed), etc. Seriously. It's really good, especially with some chopped fresh herb and/or garlic. Forget bottled salad dressing. It's not worth it.

My assessment so far? I think I had a leg up shopping in NY for fruits and veg and bread, not to mention Rosh Hashanah leftovers and Yom Kippur fasting. The Food Stamp Budget will definitely continue into the upcoming weeks, but for now, the fridge will continue to be cleaned out by Danny and me because I HATE wasting food. I'm going to keep this thing updated, with full disclosure of all food eaten. (But only dinner tomorrow because of the fast.) So, to whom it applies, I hope you have an easy fast. :)

Soup-er.

2008-10-07T12:33:00.000-04:00

Danny made pumpkin soup last night from the smaller of the two pumpkins. We followed the Good Eats suggestion of taking a meat cleaver and a hammer and tapping the back of the meat cleaver to split the pumpkin into quarters. The seeds were scooped, and the pumpkin roasted, as per the recipe (click link in "pumpkin soup" above).

We approximated the quantity of chicken broth (from leftovers of the previous week) needed, added a bit extra ginger (from a large chunk in the freezer), and omitted the heavy cream. It's just not necessary. You can get a very smooth velvety soup from just the pumpkin and broth. I'm not busting heavy cream, but I like soup to be something I can eat like a salad - i.e., massive quantities whenever I want, not have to think about whether it's going to make me sorry later, and be comprised mostly of veggies. I think of it like cold-weather salad, because I really love salad, but eating something cold and wet when it's cold and wet outside isn't the nicest thing. So, during the winter months, hot soup fills salad's place in my meals. We had nutmeg and the requisite honey in the pantry, and I have the leftovers for lunch with some lentil salad, a couple slices of bread to dip in the soup, some plums, and 2 cookies (leftover from the family get-together this weekend).

Not too shabby... :)

The soup itself is totally awesome, and if you're into butternut or acorn squash, Alton Brown says it works equally well with those veggies. Like I said, it's really smooth, you can adjust viscosity with broth, and keeping it simple on the flavoring front - nutmeg, ginger, honey, salt, pepper - allows the pumpkin to be a player, not just as something in which to throw spices. If I was craving some heat, I can see hot peppers not being out of place, but be careful choosing. Tabasco or Frank's Redhot have no place in this soup. You'd need some deliberate heat, not vinegar with some chilis thrown in for the hell of it. Your best bet would likely be some fresh chilis chopped up and sprinkled over top, or maybe hot pepper flakes, but stay away from vinegar-based hot sauce for this.

Last night, Danny and I had the pumpkin soup and some sweet and sour cabbage for dinner... so far, so good. And healthy. Rock on, food stamp budget!

Cost of Eating: The Food Stamp Challenge

2008-10-06T12:10:00.001-04:00

I came across an interesting challenge last week, while flipping through a newspaper. A county food pantry was trying to raise awareness of hunger by challenging people to eat on a food stamp budget, $25 per person per week. I thought, "Wow, that's not so different from what I spend a week on food, give or take."

Unfortunately, Rosh Hashanah got in the way, and we had a week long foodfest, all the treats from the old country, until finally, on Sunday, after rolling out from my parents' house in NY to return to MD, Danny and I stopped at good old M&M Farms. We got plums, pears, 2 beautiful perfect pie pumpkins, potatoes, onions, garlic, cabbage, a bunch of fresh parsley, 2 boxes of mushrooms, bell peppers, 2 lbs of carrots, 5 limes, some lettuce, and beets, ready to resume a normal diet. All that amazing produce cost $30. Then we stopped at Rockland Bakery, got bread for probably about ~3 weeks to freeze for later, and that cost $13. And I thought, hmm. Maybe now would be a good time to try that Food Stamp Budget Thing.

I immediately failed, making tuna sandwiches out of pantry tuna for lunch. I don't know if pantry tuna counts, seeing as I didn't buy it with my $50. And if I divide the bread expenditure by 2, assuming our stash is depleted in 2 weeks (which it won't be, but whatever), Danny and I have spent only $37 on food for the week. And if I factor in a can of tomatoes and stew beef (because a batch of borscht is certainly in order), a can of Israeli pickles (for beet salad), then I'll be at around $45, with enough money for a 1/2 gallon of milk (~$3) to add to the weekly groceries. I'm also at liberty to add a bag of lentils for weekly protein, which clocks in under $1. We have eggs left over from last week.

I have a vision of borscht, warm lentil salad, sweet and sour cabbage, gingery pumpkin soup, pumpkin breakfast muffins (a pumpkin-y riff on the super-healthy bran, nut, and raisin filled version my grandma's been eating for 79 years... and hey, 79 years of bran muffin eating can't be wrong) accompanied by autumn fruits, baked potatoes, and sauteed mushrooms and onions to round out whatever needs rounding out. I forgot how much a box of kasha (buckwheat groats) costs, but I should check that because kasha is delicious, especially when it's loaded with mushrooms and onions.

I have to say, $25 per week per person isn't miserable. But then, if I shopped for food in Maryland, it might be. Fruit is quite expensive here. Apples can't possibly be more in season, and yet they cost $1.50 per pound. They're $0.99 per pound in M&M, and they have a very nice assortment of varieties; macoun, macintosh, and cortland. Bosc pears and plums - Italian prune varieties, large dark purple ones with green flesh, and the light pinky-purple ones with orange flesh also clock in at $0.99. Plums and pears aren't listed in the weekly flyer here in MD, so who knows what they cost. Bell peppers in MD are 4 for $5. Even if they are 1 lb each, that's more than $1 per pound, and they were $0.79 per pound at M&M. Granted, M&M and the local cheap supermarket here are equal for items like onions and in-season squash (even though I love pumpkin, I can't eat butternut or acorn because of a weird intolerance for assorted squashes and sweet potatoes). But I'd still take M&M because their onions aren't prebagged, and their food in general tends to last longer before turning to mush.

It's very curious. Peaches trucked from farms 45 minutes out are just barely underselling the supermarket ones. It's a pretty messed up system we have here in MD. But I will persevere with this foodstamp thing. It's not that far off from how Danny and I normally eat. If anyone else reads this blasted thing, are you up for the challenge? If so, please specify rough geographical location, because I want to know where people charge what for food.

Something else to do with lentils.

2008-10-01T13:49:00.000-04:00

So I figured out something else to do with lentils, as the title suggests.

Start with the cooked lentils plus sauteed flavor base (carrot, onion, garlic, celery), warm up in microwave, squeeze lemon on it, and add a nice amount of chopped parsley, some salt and pepper, and I like hot sauce on mine.

I expect that would fall under the category of "warm lentil salad," but that makes it sound like it took more time than it did...

Huddled Masses

2008-09-23T11:06:00.001-04:00

I forgot who, though it was probably Michael Pollen, said we should go for foods our ancestors ate when they were dirt poor and struggling. They got the most vitamins and nutrients out of the least dollar amount spent on food possible, and it was likely to be real food because food science wasn't as pseudo-omniscient as it is now.

My ancestors? Cabbage. Lots of cabbage. My grandfather would go out during the winter in Poland, chip the ice off the top of the barrel of sauerkraut that was sitting outside, and scoop some out for dinner every night. When you think about it, cabbage has a good amount of fiber, and according to Wikipedia, it has a bunch of other good things in it, too. You know that bitter taste cabbage has? Like broccoli, radishes, kale, mustard, Brussels sprouts, etc.? It's from glucosinolates. Interestingly enough, this compound, when ingested in huge amounts can interfere with iodine uptake in the thyroid, thus leading to goiter. HOWEVER, in smaller amounts, they offer some protection against cancer. Here's the article. Very interesting, not least of all because of the way you're supposed to get a nice sized dose to get the benefits, but eating too much of it all the time can be toxic. Speaks volumes about that whole "balanced diet" thing, no?

Instead of making a barrel of saurkraut which wouldn't last in Maryland, anyway, I opted for sweet and sour cabbage with red cabbage. Red cabbage, along with being tasty and pretty, can be used as a pH indicator. It'll retain its red color in acids, and it'll turn blue in bases. (Acid = vinegar, lemon juice; base = soap, bleach. Not many foods are basic. Milk might be ever-so-slightly basic, but I'm not sure.) Anyway, get a head of red cabbage. Cut it into quarters, cut out the "core" (really just a bit of stem at the bottom), and cut it into pieces that fit through the slice tube on a food processor. Slice it. You can put it through the shredder, but cabbage will fall apart on its own if you just put it through the slicer. Chop up one onion and one apple. Get the apple and onion sauteeing until golden brown. Then dump in the cabbage, 1/2 c cider vinegar (I'm a huge fan of Trader Joe's unfiltered variety, but whatever you've got is going to work), 1/2 c sugar, and 1/2 tsp celery seed. Stir it up. I didn't have celery seed, so I threw in a bit of fennel and caraway seeds, and while those don't taste anything like celery seed, the dish tastes good anyway. So you cook the whole thing down stirring periodically until the liquid is almost gone. Salt and pepper to taste, and there's your sweet and sour cabbage.

The other thing I made was lentil burgers. Cook a package of lentils according to directions. This means boil them in salted water until they're soft. (But first give them a rinse and go through them a bit, because every so often you'll find a stone and no one wants to break their teeth.) When they're done boiling, drain them. In a pan, sautee one chopped onion, one chopped carrot, and a couple ribs of celery. When they're almost done (soft, brown), throw in some minced garlic. The garlic will only need a little while to get soft. I put my lentils in a gallon ziplock, added my sauteed veg, and tossed it to mix. That's the base. From there, the world is your burrito. The basics = lentil + veg + egg+ breadcrumbs. From this, you can make anything you want.

I had some leftover chipotle tomato sauce (sautee 2-3 cloves chopped garlic till they start to go brown, dump in one large can of whole tomatoes, juice and all, break up tomatoes as they simmer - a splatter guard is really super useful here - and continue to cook - be careful of burning - until nearly all the liquid is evaporated. Carefully dump tomatoes and garlic into food processor, add ~2 chipotles en adobo from the can depending upon your heat preference, cover, and carefully food process. This sauce is awesome on lamb, burgers, crackers, chicken, eggs, bread, cheese, and spoons. As in licked off them.). ANYWAY. We had some leftover. So, I took a bunch of the lentil mix, put it in a bowl, cracked an egg in, dumped some breadcrumbs in and a bit of the sauce, added a dusting of ground sage and thyme, salted to taste, and mushed everything into a burger-shaping consistancy.

*The egg is binder, and the breadcrums absorb some moisture, so those are the structural elements of the burgers.* Therefore, if your mush is falling apart in chunks, you need more moisture either from sauce or egg, and if it's too gloppy and molten, add more breadcrumbs. It may take a little practice, but don't get discouraged. They're typically softer than their meat counterparts, so don't shoot for hamburger consitancy. That's just not the nature of the beast.

So heat some oil in a pan, and fry away! They tasted really good with the sweet and sour cabbage. Very filling, too. Lentils are small, but woah nelly, they will fill you up. I could see those burgers also tasting good on a bun with more of the tomato chipotle sauce and some fresh tomato slices, onion, and some avocado, radish slices, and cucumber, and maybe some feta or queso fresco.

And you could add some cumin to the lentil mush.

Or you could add some fresh cilantro and parsley, some cumin and coriander for a riff on felafel.

Or some curry powder, fresh grated ginger, and cilantro.

...Seriously, maybe I should write a book and call it something like '101 Ways to Cook the Lentil.'

But then, I'm not sure I'd make it to 101. Maybe I should shoot for something more obtainable, like 19.

Chickpeas.

2008-09-11T21:42:00.000-04:00

I love chickpeas. Primarily, I love them in hummus. You have no idea how happy it made me when the 1 or 2-year old (truth is I have no idea how old she is) daughter of some friends of mine from Taiwan was licking hummus off of bread at a party Danny and I had. And she had to be forced to eat the bread. Clearly, a woman after my own heart. See, I view starches - bread, pasta, rice - as simply vehicles on which one can eat more sauce, veggies, or meat in polite company. This attitude usually leaves Danny appalled, but what can I say? Since I was a little kid, eating starches was a way to get my parents to give me more of what I really wanted.

Except mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes. I especially love mashed potatoes prepared the Eastern European Jewish way, with rendered chicken fat and the crispy chicken rinds (called gribenes). First you render the fat out of the skin by putting chicken skins in a pot with a splash of water to keep them from sticking, and you slowly cook them down over very low heat. You're left with fat and the gribenes. So, you take the chicken fat, and you use it to sautee onions and garlic really slowly until they're caramelized and beautiful. Then you dump this into your mashed potatoes with salt and pepper. Because Jews who keep kosher don't mix milk and meat, you use the chicken fat to achieve the desired mashed potato consistency. It's funny how the French capitalized on the usage of duck fat and that's all haute cuisine, but this is dirty peasant food. Really, it's all the same. I think my ancestors managed to not die immediately of heart conditions because this was all they had. A lot of Jewish soul food that comes out of Eastern Europe is heavier than a cartoon anvil, but that's to do with the climate and level of poverty/starvation. Ever hear of kishke? Yeah, didn't think so. It's cow intestine stuffed with flour, spices, and lots of grease, although now I believe they go for collagen casings. We never had it growing up, but I hear it's quite tasty. :)

But chickpeas. I titled this post "chickpeas," not "mashed potatoes with chicken fat." I love them out of a can, drained, with a squeeze of lemon, salt, and pepper on them. They're a tasty addition to salads (regular, 3-bean, anything marinated), too. And soups. Tonight I was feeling particularly lazy, so I stopped in at Trader Joe's to get some milk, bread, etc. but opted for some take-out Indian food for dinner at the joint below TJ's, Saveur India. I got channa massala and a roti. I asked them to make my channa hot, and I was expecting to get hit in the face (and stomach... and intestine... and... well, yeah) but it was not as hot as I expected. It was pleasantly painful and masterfully spiced. The chickpeas were creamy and melted in my mouth, and the roti was partly crisp from the oven but still chewy and nutty from the whole wheat. It was such a nice surprise to find very well-thought out Indian food not lacking in flavor in this neck of the woods. I wasn't planning on eating it all, but I had to. I couldn't NOT eat it. It was too spicy and tangy and awesome. So I ate it all. Now that I'm done, I'm sad there isn't any more of it, but maybe that's a good thing...

...How is it that all Indian people aren't ridiculously fat?

Tomatoes, Tomatoes, Tomatoes

2008-09-11T21:22:00.000-04:00

I have one third of the last giant Brandywine tomato from the massive quantity of various tomato varieties I took home the last time I visited my parents. It's sitting in the fridge wrapped in plastic. I plan on devouring it tomorrow morning for breakfast on a slice of whole wheat rye toast with some swiss cheese and a glass of milk.

Along with the Brandywines, my mom grew smallish red tomatoes with tiger orangey stripes, yellow plum tomatoes, ghostly white orbs, sweet 1 million cherry tomatoes, and some minute yellow cherry tomato variety I'd never seen. Naturally, my dad and bro were reaching their fresh tomato limit, so as a year-round supermarket tomato hostage, I was thrilled to relieve them of some of their tomato-eating duties. There's nothing like real veggies.

Here's the deal. People don't eat veggies because they taste like crap most of the time. Varieties that make it to the supermarkets are bred for size, packability, and duration of perceived freshness. Flavor doesn't factor into it. Everyone's so removed from the land these days, they don't know what produce should taste like anymore, so they go to the stores every week, pick out firm tomatoes, and feed them to their families. Firm tomatoes? Real ones are soft, with juices ready to burst out and spray the guy or gal next to you should you bite into one.

Can you imagine throwing a supermarket tomato from now at a bad act back in the day? You'd kill him! Think of how dated those caricatures of tomatoes going 'splat' are. It's so sad and pathetic. According Michael Pollan (who is the modern god of food policy as far as I'm concerned), one of the reasons produce prices are so high is because the government subsidizes corn farming. If the government took away the corn subsidies, the farmers would immediately be up to their ears in debt, and because of the demand, HAVE to grow real fruit and veggies. So I say down with the government subsidies.

Why?

Because I want delicious, sweet, tangy, juicy tomatoes with intensely tomatoey skin that goes pop when I bite into them. And I want broccoli with biceps, gustatorially speaking. And cucumbers that taste like cucumbers! Why are we so obsessed with making corn chips taste like fucking fake cheese or BBQ sauce and so detached from what the real deal tastes like?

Hell, I'm not even going the nutrition route. I'm going full out pure hedonism here. What the hell, people.

Dessert-ed.

2008-08-28T20:53:00.001-04:00

Here are two of my favorite things for dessert. Actually, I have a lot of favorite things for dessert. These just happen to be 2 of them. :) Banana bread and these cookies called melting moments. Both recipes come out of this cookbook that is so retro it's post-modern. No, really. It is called The Pleasures of Your Food Processor, by Norene Gilletz. It is the anti-food-porn cookbook. It's food porn literotica, I suppose. It is brown and yellow, and I don't just mean the stains on the pages. The book is in a binder form and my mom's had it forever. I used to resent this particular version of banana bread when I was a kid when all the other kids had their beautiful white slices of cake from cake mixes. I had my funky brown 'nanner bread to go with my gazillion pounds of fruit and stanky hummus and baba ganoush ethnic sandwiches, and boy, did my life suck at lunch time.

But now, in my advanced age, I realize that this banana bread is in fact a gem in its moist brown caramelized gorgeous state. It is particularly delicious when a slice is soaked in a bit of rum with vanilla ice cream on top. ...Because we all have to go to heaven sometimes, here's the recipe:

3 med very ripe bananas (blacker the better)

1 c sugar

3 tsp baking soda

dash salt

2 eggs

1/4 c oil

1 1/2 c flour

1/2 c butter milk/sour milk. (aka, 1 tsp lemon juice and milk to equal 1/2 c)

- Dump 'nanners in food processor and puree, followed by sugar, soda, and salt; process for 30 more seconds.

- Add eggs and oil, process till blended, ~10 sec.

- Pour flour over, add buttermilk, and blend 8-10 sec until smooth.

Line a loaf pan (9x5) with buttered parchment paper (I used a buttered and floured tin; it works perfectly). Dump in batter, and bake at 275 F for 2 1/2 hours.

Yeah, I know. 2.5 hours. It's a lot, but baby, it is SO WORTH IT. Also, I like adding a lot of walnuts. They get brown too in there. This is what all banana bread recipes should aspire to. And it freezes well.

Ok, so this other recipe is good for when you have to bring something to a party. It isn't super high-yield, so I'd go for 2 batches if you have to bring it somewhere where there are more than 12 attendees. These cookies are called melting moments (from the same cookbook as above), and they're nothing but butter (or margerine) and flour and sugar, just you don't have to monkey around with a stupid cookie press. With the use of margerine, they effortlessly translate into a vegan dessert. If you don't tell anyone but the resident vegan(s), no one else will know.

3/4 c butter or margerine in chunks

1/3 c brown sugar, packed

1 tsp vanilla

1 1/2 c flour

1 c pecans/walnuts/I tried almonds, and they're good too.

powdered (icing) sugar

- process butter with brown sugar and vanilla until well-creamed. Add flour and nuts, processing until just mixed with several on/off pulses. Form into small balls with your hands, ~1 inch in diameter, and bake on an ungreased cookie sheet at 350 F for 20 minutes. Let cool completely, and dust with powdered sugar before serving.

You can add chocolate chips with or instead of the nuts, but I'd stick to 1 c of add-ins total. These puppies disappear in no time, hence the name. They're not too sweet, and they have a sandy, crumbly texture. My mom used to make them all the time, and the smell of them baking always makes me think of holidays and family gatherings. Be careful, though. Ration them carefully. Because you'll keep going back for one more and they're small, so the "just one more" is far, far too easily justified. They freeze really well, so you can ration them out and put the rest away... out of sight, out of mind, no? :)

Anyway, I never post dessert things. Life is too short to miss dessert.

Curried Chicken

2008-08-28T20:08:00.000-04:00

This recipe for curried chicken allegedly came out of the Bombay Jews. I'm nicking it from this cookbook my dad has. Stay with me here because there are a lot of ingredients. I know, not easy, but SO worth the effort. It's not hard - it's essentially a stew after all - but it's not salad.

- oil to sautee

- 2 med. chopped onions

- 1 lb chopped tomatoes (fresh or canned, should be ~ 3 cups; I've used pureed tomatoes from a can and everyone loves it)

- 1 tblsp basic green masala (I'll post this below)

- 1 tsp garam masala

- 1 tsp dry masala for meat (posted below)

- 1/2 tsp fresh ginger, minced

- 1/2 tsp turmeric

- salt to taste

- 3 1/2 lbs chicken, skinned with excess fat trimmed off (I like thighs and drumsticks on the bone, but you can use whatever you want)

- 1/2 c water

- 2 medium potatoes, cubed.

- Stirfry onions in oil until brown but not burned. Add tomatoes and stir briskly for 2 min, cover and cook for 10 minutes.

- Add all three masalas and spices (ginger and turmeric and salt), stirring for 5 minutes.

- Add in chicken and water, cover and cook ~45 minutes until chicken is done. If water evaporates too fast, add more.

- Add potatoes, simmer until they're tender, ~15 minutes.

About the spices... buy garam masala at your local Indian grocery.

Dry Masala for Meat:

1 tblsp hot chili flakes

1 tblsp ground coriander

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp ground anise seed

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1/4 tsp ground turmeric

Mix and store. This will obv. last a while...

Green Masala

4 oz fresh cilantro leaves

1 head of garlic, ~8 cloves

4-6 oz semihot green chili

1/2 tsp salt

Blenderize and put in the fridge. You don't have to make the above for one batch of curried chicken. Just chop a tbsp worth of cilantro and garlic. Then throw in as much chili as you want.

I know the recipe seems like a big deal, but dude. It is so tasty. I think of it in three stages, the sautee, the spices, and the simmering. The onions and tomato are the sautee, all the spices are next, and then the chicken goes in (followed by the potatoes) which is the simmer. Serve it over rice, basmati if you have it. You can leave out the meat for a vegetarian crowd and use several cans of beans instead. I've never tried it with tofu or tempeh, but I doubt that'll be bad. If you want to control the heat, leave out the chili flakes in the masala for meat. (NB: Masalas are just spice blends.) You can also ratchet up the heat by tossing in more chili. Even sans capsaicin, it's very flavorful. I made it with just the slightest hint of heat, and it was good for everyone, with minced fresh cayenne peppers on the side (from my mom's garden, of course!).

This is one of my favorite things to eat. Try it. :)

The Night of Glop

2008-08-27T15:59:00.000-04:00

Tonight, we shall be feasting upon glop! Yes, after the fried chicken and booze festival, everything is back to normal. There's a thing of hummus with the appropriate hot stuff to put on top, eggplant mush, and guacamole. And some sauteed beet greens in garlic. The beet greens were FREE. So that means they taste even better than normal because I'm a graduate student, and I take the garbage from the farmers because it's FREE. FREE BEET GREENS FOR ALL. Oh yes. They're normally quite tasty, but nothing goes better with garlic and olive oil than FREE.

But for all the glop (hummus, eggplant, guacamole), I need some pita (because pita, tortillas; corn, wheat; what's the difference, really?). I also need to make some lima and dill rice (it's a Persian thing) because we got fresh giant lima beans at the farmers' market the other day. And I have some zucchinis, which will be turned into zucchini, onion, and tomato glop.

And I think I'm going to roast the cauliflower that's been languishing in the veggie drawer of the fridge. No idea what to put on it. Maybe I'll blenderize a sauce out of mustard, capers, and vinegar to drizzle over the finished product... hm. I like that. But first I'm going to the gym.

You know, I've always been afraid I'd be that moron who trips and shoots off the back of a treadmill... so far it hasn't happened. I'll surely write about it if it does.

Frittata

2008-08-18T12:35:00.000-04:00

This is what I had for dinner last night and for lunch today. It's miiiighty tasty, and it fed 2 people supplemented by 2 small corn tortillas with cheese and roasted poblanos each.

- 6 eggs.
- 1 large tomato, chopped.
- a loose handful of basil leaves, chopped, chiffinaded, ribboned, whatever you feel like.
- 2 small cloves of garlic, minced.
- 1 jalapeno, chopped with seeds and ribs discarded.
- 1 can chickpeas, rinsed and drained.
- a small pinch of ground cumin, black pepper, and salt.

Crack the eggs and beat them in a bowl, adding in the basil. Take your chopped tomato and throw it in a hot pan with a bit of olive oil. Let it cook, stirring so nothing gets burned, until it's soft. Add in the jalapenos and garlic, continuing to sautee. Then add the chickpeas, letting them heat up a bit. Throw in the cumin and cracked pepper, mixing occasionally. Then pour the egg in, turn the heat down (because you want the egg to cook all the way through without scorching the bottom), and cover it. Let it cook until the egg is just set. Slide out of the pan, slice into wedges, and enjoy! :)

I didn't add milk to the egg because the tomato had enough moisture. And obviously everything is a million percent riff-able...

Still not together, buuuuut...

2008-08-13T14:51:00.001-04:00

...Either I've discovered the ultimate way for me personally to achieve my life's goal of being able to eat nonstop through my twenties like Michael Phelps, or I've got the first documented case of exercise-induced ADD.

Why is it that I can go swim for 35 minutes (naturally alternating strokes every other or every two laps), rinse, and then go to fencing practice, kick some ass in fencing, and think it's a grand idea to jump rope, but I can't for the life of me bring myself to run for 30 minutes?

Or I can jog a 1.25 mile warmup in 12 minutes, followed immediately by rowing 2100 meters in 10 minutes, and follow that with 18 minutes of interval stair climbing (1.75 miles) and a 2 minute warm-down, but again... just can't manage to run 30 minutes???

What the hell.

I will never ever be able to be one of those people who can say "Hey, I've run a marathon." Why? Not because I'm a wuss or because I'm weak or lazy or what-have-you, but because I AM COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF MAKING MY BRAIN AND BODY FOCUS THAT LONG ON PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER AT A REASONABLE PACE.

So I'm sticking to fencing and getting crowned Queen of the Cross Training Maniacs.

The upshot to all this is I've become a human vacuum cleaner. Seriously. I've been scarfing down eggs, actually craving runny yolks (which usually I avoid like the plague because the greasy richness feels overwhelming), made a giant hunk'o'cow into an AMAZING stew which I had today on mashed potatoes and rutabaga, and digging avocado and tomato salad sandwiches.

My whole focus on food is shifting to dense high-calorie offerings. A couple apples need to be supplemented by bagel chips to constitute a filling snack. My legs hurt and my forearms are sore. And I feel awesomely at peace with the world... when my stomach isn't growling, that is. So I'm just kind of going with it. I've been acheiving that bottomed-out feeling at the ends of workouts again, where it feels like I'm breathing from the bottom of my lungs and I can feel the bones in my legs. Then I stop, change, and go home to scavenge for whatever is in the fridge.

To blog about when I have more time:

- My mom's ultimate banana bread recipe
- Melting moments
- The stew I made
- Curried chicken

It will happen. There will be recipes. And in the meantime, GO US WOMEN'S SABRE FENCING!! Medal sweep! Woohoo! :)

(You can watch it on www.nbc.com and it's a nice recap. I wish they'd show more action, though... sighhh...)

Back to the Food

2008-08-12T15:02:00.000-04:00

I will be posting about 2 things, once I get my shit together the rest of the way...

- Curried chicken

- Melting moments

Stay tuned...

Posts of FURY

2008-08-10T22:36:00.001-04:00

Ok, so that last post served its purpose. I was able to put all my feelings about being screwed over out there in cyberspace for the world to see for about 24 hours, I feel ever-so-much better, and now I can take that hate-drivel down. Done, and done. :)

It still exists if I ever feel the crazy urge to commit an act of charity. See, charity isn't really my thing, especially not right now. I'll go ahead and say it; community service never gave me warm fuzzies. I did it because it was a good thing to do and all that, but eh. So, when I do something kind or good or let down my I'm-going-to-get-screwed-over guard and it backfires and I get screwed over, it REALLY gets me fired up.

You see, if I chose NOT to help out my ex-roommate and get my name off the lease, I'd have never needed to look back. She'd have floundered and gone down all by herself. She'd have had to pay the $3000, and I would have shrugged and walked away. Instead, I tried to save her $200 and then got landed with the fallout of her general ineptness; a/k/a 2 months of rent as penalty for not giving 2 months notice of vacating. So, I bailed me out and she rode my coattails in for the ride. And did I get a thank-you? Oh, of course not. Because that's why I and the rest of the world exist; to bail her out.

The time it took me to get 2 people in our apartment was the last week my advisor was in town to proofread my proposal. Hence, my incredible amount of animosity. See, if she had winched her lazy ass off whatever couch it was breaking, walked into the chem and biochem graduate office, said "Can I have the list of the emails of all the incoming graduate students? I have an apartment I need to rent," followed by an email to them all, she could have actually accomplished something tangible in 3 days.

It kills me that I wasted that last week when she literally HAS NO JOB. No one in the department is going to hire her because she behaved incredibly unprofessionally during her rotations. Hence, she has NOTHING to do this summer. At all. But I have what to do. I have research, and candidacy, and 2 papers I have to write.

At the crux of it all is the simple fact that if I had messed up like she messed up and either (a) didn't read the lease or (b) didn't understand the 60 days notice part, I would be so embarrassed. I would never in a million years consider asking a relative stranger to help me pay for my foul-up. I was brought up to take full responsibility for my failures so that I could have equal ownership of my successes, and seeing someone with such a sense of entitlement at the rip young age of 23 or whatever she is makes me despise her to an astronomical degree. And not even a thank you. How did she get this far in life without some kid beating the ever loving shit out of her in the playground?

I have no shame in feeling what I do. I also have no shame in saying that whatever my faults may be (a firm belief in dealing out karmic retribution, a temper, extremely confrontational), I am a motherfucking badass because (a) I pulled this off, (b) I finished my proposal, and (c) I am still alive and kicking. And with that, I wish everyone a happy successful week... forge ahead!

Retro

2008-08-09T20:13:00.000-04:00

After crash-coursing in optics (5 textbooks and 2 angry phone calls), I just watched the Diane Von Furstenberg fall/winter 08/09 runway show.

Here's what I thought:

wow. what awesome clothes. classy. classic. buttoned up but sexy. very golden age. ooh, i like the music, too. so upbeat! it's a shame the models aren't smiling. man, i'd be totally rocking out if i was there. they need to put those clothes on a nice curvy body. why don't their hips move? they look like they're walking to their deaths. ecchhh. the models look like they're playing dress-up in their grandmothers' closets at age 12. oh, come on, shake it, sister!! nope. just uninspired clomping.

I ended up totally not paying attention to the clothes because there was such a huge dissonance between the clothes and music, and the models' body types and expressions on their faces. I don't think every style looks good on every body type. That may be nasty of me, but it's true. Those retro looks suit a curvy gal. Not even plus-sized. I'd say, well, pretty much anyone larger than a 2 or a 4, unless they're short. If we're talking close to 6 feet, I'd keep it at a 6 and up for a runway show, and DVF messed up there. They don't even look haughty. They look bored, scared, and dead.

I can get behind the automaton look in the name of theatrics, but just as a very minimalist, dark, lean look comes to life on someone extremely skinny, the retro 50's look falls flatter than some of those girls' chests.

Words I Am Trying To Sneak Into My Proposal

2008-08-09T13:03:00.001-04:00

I am going to try to sneak some good words into my proposal. So far, I have two noteworthy ones:

- queried

- behooves

My advisor may have chopped out "behooves," but I am SO going to sneak it back in. Screw it. I don't care if those words aren't typically used in science. They are lovely 2-syllable words, and frankly, my committee will just have to break out the dictionary to check the definitions because to use the word "questioned" roughly 8 bazillion times goes against everything I stand for.

Oh, Ms. Tavolacci (my TOTALLY EFFING AWESOME English teacher of 2 years in high school), you would send these scientists from your classroom sobbing if they ever were taught by you. I actually miss Classical Roots and Shoots.

Sighghghhgghghhh...

Beautiful Day

2008-08-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

It seems that the state of Maryland has forgotten that it's August, but I'm not complaining. Usually in August, it gets so hot and humid here, even walking to your car makes you feel like breathing is a terrible idea. I'm surprised no one sprouts gills or grows algae like three-toed sloths. I mean, this is nothing but a giant swamp. No idea why our Founding Fathers decided to put the nation's capital in the middle of a swamp, but it's here and we have to deal with it... except on weeks like this upcoming one, where for some unknown reason, the temperature will be in the 80's and so far, the mugginess factor is nowhere to be seen. Huzzah!

So my plans for today include finishing my proposal. It has been dragging on like nobody's business because of some amazingly, unbelievably, astoundingly ridiculous roommate issues which I will discuss at a later date because thinking about them right now makes me indescribably furious, and I have to concentrate on my paper. To think I was worried I'd offend that lying, irresponsible, lazy failure if I called her out on breaking my couch.

Anyway, I figured out where I could stream WQXR on iTunes. I really love that radio station. The DC classical station is nowhere near as good. In particular, I miss WQXR's morning programming, which - at last listen - consisted of really up-tempo upbeat pieces. It was perfect to wake up to. It was lovely classical music so it wasn't jarring, but it got you moving nevertheless. DC's classical station is draggy in the mornings which makes me want to crawl back under the covers and snooze. Happily, it is streaming now through iTunes. I love that thy have commercials about piano liquidations. Much better than what they used to advertise; cancer treatments and cancer treatment centers in the greater NY metro area. I mean, that was just depressing.

So, what else is on tap for today... finishing up all the greens in the fridge in a massive salad at some point because they're going to rot if I don't, and nothing makes me sadder than having to throw out rotten food. I still have about 1/3 of the total amount of pasta I made at the beginning of the week, but that won't go bad. I need to cook this chuck roast I picked up on sale the other day, too. I think a very long slow braising post-browning in a 275-300 F oven in water and wine with garlic, onions, celery, carrots, some rehydrated mushrooms, bay leaves, rosemary, and significant amounts of black pepper.

In the more long-term foodstuff category is the next beer Danny and I will make. We totally rocked a Belgian wit (wheat) beer with coriander and orange peel. It was so good it made people literally wax poetic. Too bad Danny has this email a friend who's a homebrewer himself wrote about our beer or I'd quote it here. So, our tentative plan is to try a fruit beer. After reading several beer recipes, I think the best thing to do is to take the Belgian wit recipe, and add the fruit to it - we were thinking apple - and maybe alter the spices a bit. I do love the coriander and orange peel, but it might be nice to add some cinnamon and cloves or allspice or nutmeg to the mix. We're shooting for an autumnal beer, something to mature for Thanksgiving. The nice thing about the wit base is it won't be too heavy and it'll have a little tang, so it'll offset the sweetness of the apples. I'm thinking we'll stick with a Belgian yeast strain because they typically tolerate higher alcohol concentrations, and this one will be a killer because of the fruit. It will likely be around 7%.

...I just hope it doesn't decide to explode this time...

An aside...

2008-08-05T00:20:00.001-04:00

Is it in completely bad taste that I would do not only Daniel Craig, but also Jeff Goldblum circa "Independence Day?"

Maybe at the same time. I haven't decided yet.

On top of spaghhhheeeeetti, all covered with cheeeeeeese...

2008-08-04T23:20:00.000-04:00

...I loooooost my poor meeeeeatbaaaaaall, when somebody sneeeeeeeezed.

What a great song. What a classic. My grandma taught me that when I was younger. My dad, meanwhile, taught me and my little brother how to sing a very rude song about a cow on a hill in Hebrew. We had no idea what we were singing, but we sang it anyway because it made my dad and his friends laugh. However, the song was subsequently banned.

Anyway, I ate spaghetti tonight. With sauce, and some parmesan cheese, and yeah, some anchovies thrown in for saltiness and meatiness. I got to thinking about anchovies. When you read the Joy of Cooking, the old-skool edition with the instructions for skinning game, anchovy paste is in EVERYTHING. And it's kind of funny, anachronistic, and slightly gross. I mean, anchovy paste. Echhh.

But then... I thought some more. (Always dangerous.) And I reached the conclusion that Thai style fish sauce is our generation's anchovy paste. We put it in our marinades and dressings and sauces for the same reasons, saltiness and meatiness. Then I didn't feel so weird about heaping anchovies on top of my pasta.

Danny's away at a conference and now's my time to eat all kinds of strange preserved fish products that he can't stand. I love fish. I know not everyone does, but here's a way to experience fish and eastern Europe in a very concentrated form that doesn't involve currency exchange or a passport. I am writing this in honor of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, who just died; may he rest in peace.

For the ultimate eastern European experience, here's what you need:

1 loaf of traditional, old skool, excellent rye bread or brown bread.

1 or more containers of matjes (pronounced "maht-yahs") herring or shmaltz herring (Wikipedia's entry is just lame; but matjes and shmaltz herring are really about the same).

Thinly sliced onion

Thoroughly chilled vodka (good vodka, Stolichnaya, or 42 Below, or something good, you know?) and shot glasses

One or more friends with whom you want to commiserate about the shittiness of life, and with whom you don't mind getting drunk, and who can properly appreciate the sadness of Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's passing on, and possibly engage in a literary critique of "A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich."

Now, these types of herring are very strong and salty. They are fishy. But they're strong and fishy in a very appealing way, if you can believe that. The onion is oniony. You will be able to generate a very authentically rank Russian fish-onion-alcohol smell in a matter of 3 shots. But here's the thing. You take some bread, put a bit of fish on it, and top it with an onion. I like to eat the fish-onion-bread and then wash it down with the vodka, but some like to do the vodka and use the fish-onion-bread as a chaser. If you're unsure, try it both ways. But be careful, because you might get sucked into a never-ending cycle of fish-onion-bread, vodka, fish-onion-bread, vodka, etc. and then you'll end up vomiting, and this is not something you want to vomit. You'll feel like a seagull feeding its young.

Anyway, you can find these weird fish products most likely at your local kosher supermarket. You don't have one, you say? Well, let me tell you that I typed "Kansas kosher" into google maps, and it found 4 places. In Kansas. That's right. The Jews got dropped there by a tornado, I guess. Maybe if you don't have Jews or tornados, then you're out of luck.

Another thing... usually, there are hardcore garlic pickles, bread, smoked fish (I remember one time someone got their hands on sturgeon, which has been fished to near-extinction; it was meaty and amazing, but I don't advocate eating it in this day and age), assorted sausages, pickled cabbage, and random meat also available for food. I left out pickled green tomatoes. And, well, anything else that's been pickled. Maybe some cucumber or potato salad, too. The way any group of people who make drinking toasts to each other, themselves, to their families, and life in general a social event is to eat continuously; not eating is a mistake Americanized frat boys make. And there's usually lots of talking. And music. And the volume tends to increase as time goes on and the vodka bottles empty. It's a lot of fun.

So celebrate Solzhenitsyn. Get stanky, fishy, and crunk!

Or just eat spaghetti. I think that's where this post started, anyway...

Improv!

2008-07-31T21:45:00.000-04:00

So Danny and I had people over yesterday evening. We made curried chicken. That was our plan, curried chicken. Then we realized we had no munchables. There was a bag of veggie booty, which reminds me of styrofoam with salt and cheese flavor. The veggie booty was the kind dusted with green stuff (powdered kale and spinach? maybe?), and as Danny poured it into a bowl, I had a brain flash! MARTIAN POOP. IT LOOKED LIKE MARTIAN POOP.

So I stuck a sign in the bowl saying "martian poop."

But aside from that, we had no munchies. So I improvised a dip. 1 can of white beans, a few spoons of sour cream, 1 clove of garlic, a scant 1/4 cup of rinsed capers, and some dill. Put in food processor, add a small dash of vinegar to bring up the tangyness factor. The capers were salty enough, and dried dill was fine. Sure, fresh is always nice, and I could see this tasting really awesome with tarragon and lemon (use the juice instead of vinegar and some zest for flavor), or basil and oregano. You could take it in another direction by adding maybe some chipotle en adobo and cilantro. The beans and sour cream and garlic are the base, and the herbs, sour (vinegar, lemon, lime), and capers are where I'd play around. Of course, you could use yogurt instead of sour cream or avocado instead of beans to make an avocado crema, or use red beans or garbanzo beans, or whatever strikes your fancy.

My version with the capers, dill, and vinegar tasted good. It's kind of like ranch dressing, but more flavorful and it took all of five seconds to throw together. Oh yeah, and it doesn't have any weird crap in it. It seemed to go over well, and people ate it.

So, the little gathering was a success, and we totally forgot to take out the ice cream a friend brought for dessert. No one seemed to miss it terribly. As usual, no one left hungry. Actually, I felt like I accomplished something because Danny's brother who really doesn't like spicy food seemed to either pretend to enjoy the chicken or genuinely did. I didn't make it spicy-hot, but I did make it spicy-flavorful. I feel like I'm doing good things by introducing some newer flavors... :)

What is going on?

2008-07-26T22:05:00.000-04:00

I'm all about size/shape acceptance, but this is out of control. How is this ok? How is this ok with the parents of these kids? How can they possibly think having children continuing their particular lifestyle is acceptable? Am I missing something? If there are clear indicators that processed food is shitty for you - and there are - even if the impetus for changing yourself doesn't exist, how can you in good conscience force it on children who don't have a choice? Why have children at all if you're ok with dooming them to an early, painful, problem-ridden death? Like, just don't bother.

Have you ever wondered why the southern - especially southeastern - US is pretty much the only really hot region in the world where high-fat deep fried food dominates cuisine? This is a really curious problem when you compare the American south to India, real Mexican food, Thailand, the middle east/Mediterranean regions, and even the Caribbean. Why is this the case?

Musical addition

2008-07-25T11:46:00.000-04:00

So here's a good band for the gym playlist: The Ting Tings.

Check out their myspace. "Shut Up and Let Me Go" is my current thing... I know, 80's influenced, but still. It's punky and funky enough to make the cut. They're good for angry workouts, and angry is pretty much how I'm spending all my time these days.

I used to get published in national student publication things, but my writing is just far too bourgeois for Science, The Apogee Of All That Is Right, Intelligent, And Good.

What a bunch of fucking fuckers who fuck.

Dear Starbucks, please stick to the caffeine.

2008-07-23T10:49:00.000-04:00

Let me start off by saying I like Starbucks. Whenever I'm in any part of America without an Oren's Daily Roast (which is anywhere outside of NYC) and I need a hardcore caffeine fix, I know where to go. And occasionally, I like their weird seasonal concoctions. I like the smell of peppermint or vanilla or pumpkin pie spice mix while I drink my caffeinated beverage of choice.

But think about that. It's coffee, milk, and a flavor. Pretty straightforward, right? Well, no longer. Starbucks is trying its hand at corporate smoothies. And they're billing them as healthy. I say bullshit. Let's take a look at the Banana Chocolate Blend which can be found here. Let's compare it to my banana peanut butter smoothie in terms of overall calories, fat, protein, carbs, fiber, and calcium. (I don't know why I picked fiber and calcium, but they're pretty important, so why not...)

I'm getting all my info from FoodFact.com. And I'm assuming that I use roughly one serving of everything, because it sounds about right.

1 cup of Trader Joe's Organic 1% milk
(I looked at Organic Valley because it looks about the same... and I think Danny uses closer to 1/2 cup when he makes this.)

Calories: 110
Fat: 2.5 g
Protein: 8 g
Carbs: 13 g
Fiber: 0 g
Calcium: 30%

2 tablespoons of Crazy Richard's creamy peanut butter

Calories: 190
Fat: 16 g
Protein: 9 g
Carbs: 6 g
Fiber: 2 g
Calcium: 2%

1 large banana

Calories: 121
Fat: 0.45 g
Protein: 1.48 g
Carbs: 31.06 g
Fiber: 3.5 g
Calcium: 1%

Totals:

Calories: 421 (with 1/2 c milk, 366)
Fat: 19 g (1/2 c milk, 17.75)
Protein: 18.5 g (1/2 c milk, 14.5)
Carbs: 50 g (1/2 c milk, 43.5)
Fiber: 5.5 g (1/2 c milk, same)
Calcium: 33% (1/2 c milk, 18%)

In overall calories, mine is wayyyy ahead, mainly in the fat department, but they're mostly unsaturated fats. 2 g sat. in the peanut butter, 1.5 g in the milk. I have one more gram of saturated fat than Starbucks, which I could nix by switching to skim milk. If I switch to skim, I keep the unsaturated fats from the peanut butter (which you do need; they keep you full and fat is good for brain cells), and my saturated fat content drops below the Starbucks' concoction.

Protein... let's see... Starbucks has 21 g, I'm rockin' 18.5 g, but if I round to the nearest whole number like Starbucks, then it's 19. We're about even.

Moving along to carbohydrates, SBux has 44 g, and I've got 50. 6 g of carbs? I'm not splitting hairs because those extra 6 grams ain't gonna make me fat. Also, we're even on sugars, at 28 g, which means my difference is made up in complex carbohydrates which are good for long-term energy, which means I've got 6 extra grams of crash-proof food. I'll take it.

Looking at fiber, SBux has 6 g, and I have 5.5, but if I round to the nearest whole number we're exactly even... interesting...

And last of all, calcium. I'm rocking 33%, and SBux? Sorry, 20% is just sad. It means they're not using a full serving of milk. Assholes.

A couple things I didn't post:

Sodium
(Higher is not necessarily better unless you're an endurance athlete.)
SB: 170 mg, Me: 125 mg

Potassium
(Higher is better, unless you're on a particular form of heart medication; potassium is hugely important for cardiac function, as well as neural and muscular function.)
SB: unlisted?!, Me: 487 mg, or 14%

Vitamin A:
SB: 10%, Me: 12%

Vitamin C:
SB: 15%, Me: 22%

Iron:
SB: 15%, Me: 4%
(Not worried bc iron and calcium compete for uptake; I'd rather load on calcium at one meal and load on iron - green leafy veggies, red meat - at another.)

According to the officially unofficial tasting of SB's Vivanno going on here, the chocolate wasn't chocolatey, there was a slight funny aftertaste, and it was gritty. My concoction is not gritty unless you use chunky peanut butter (but that's more crunch and less grit), it is emphatically peanutty and bananary, and it's quite smooth and creamy. The addition of ice to the blender chills it. I haven't taken price into consideration, but in that, I'm going to guess mine wins hands-down. Also, you don't burn gasoline running your blender.

I guess the biggest con of my concoction would be the 421 calories, but ingesting calorically dense food in the morning isn't awful (especially if it isn't crashable carbs or saturated junk), and 421 calories is less than 25% of a 2000 calorie diet (about 1/3 of a 1500 cal diet). Interestingly enough, the extra calories happen as good-for-you fats, and all the bad stuff is equal or could be adjusted to less than SB's offering. We're even on protein and fiber which keep you full, and I'd be willing to bet my thing will keep you more full for longer because of the unsaturated fats.

I guess it's a matter of opinion/taste, but I'll forgo SB for my own blender. :)

Writing right.

2008-07-22T23:33:00.000-04:00

Now that I blabbed about meat, I'm going to blab about writing. Specifically, the dreadful, awful, unbelievably rotten style of writing that is "scientific writing." I will quote an excerpt from something a scientist who I know, really like, and generally admire wrote:

"...Indeed, the channel discriminates an abrupt tension onset eliciting a full response from slow and gradual application of tension, which the channel tends to ignore by slipping into the inactivated state before opening..."

How about saying, "A closed channel in its resting state responds to gradually increased tension by simply inactivating. In contrast, when the channel experiences abruptly increased tension, it opens and desensitizes before inactivating."

It says the same thing. And the person I quoted is respected and considered a good writer. I can't take it. I constantly get lost in sentences that are 5 lines long, and this is what I've been studying for over a year now. I tend to gravitate towards short declarative sentences when discussing technical things so my readers don't get lost, but it almost feels like the more baffling and obtuse you are, the more legitimate you are.

I hate it. I spend my days going between the shit that is science writing and reading and commenting ad infinitum on other topics on other blogs because it feels like for every sentence I write in Sciencese, another neuron on the creative side of my brain dies.

This is so depressing and awful.

MEAT.

2008-07-22T22:14:00.000-04:00

I never write about meat. Mainly, it's because meat is becoming prohibitively expensive, and eating it all the time isn't as healthy for you as eating plant products. But as a career anemic (at least until menopause; hooray for having the tide come in for a full 7 days), I feel justified in occasionally giving in to the craving for rare juicy bovine.

This is the easiest thing to do to meat: rinse it off, pat it dry, liberally cover it with oregano and ground pepper and salt (use more salt if it's not kosher), and then you cook it. Here's the deal about apartment meat cooking; you will never duplicate the succulent visceral deliciosity of a charcoal seared chunk of cow. It's best to just accept this and move on, like I have.

Another nice thing is the cheapest cuts of meat (London broil, flank steak) are also the leanest. This means you'll get super meatiness, but you have to be very careful or else it'll turn out like shoe leather. For London broil (or a thick sirloin, probably also applies to a NY strip steak too), get the broiler crunk. Take your heaviest oven-proof pan - cast iron is the best - and get it smoking hot on the stove. How hot, you ask? Hot enough so that if you touch a corner of raw meat to it, it sizzles loudly IMMEDIATELY. When it's at this stage, lower your salt-pepper-oregano seasoned meat into it. Let it sizzle like mad until it's browned. Flip and repeat. (There, you've just gotten as close as possible to searing meat in the house.) When both sides are browned, take the pan and put it in the broiler, and let it cook.

Here's how you can tell if it's done. Take tongs or a spatula and poke the meat (don't make holes).

- If it's the squishiness of your cheek, it's rare. Very rare.

- If it's as squishy as the cartilage at the tip of your nose, it's medium rare.

- If it's as squishy as the meaty spot at your temple, it's medium.

- If it's as firm as your forehead, you've got some well done meat.

This isn't an exact science. It takes practice. I've had to thin-slice plenty of shoe-leather London broil into sandwiches, but that's not exactly bad-tasting even if it does take some jaw work... nothing some mayo, mustard, tomato, lettuce, cuke, and onion can't solve... :)

If you're cooking flank steak, skip the browning part. This cut is too thin to warrant that, and if you cook it past medium, you'll get meat chewing gum more often that not. I've had some flank steaks that accidentally stayed tender past medium, but it's not worth the gamble.

So, no matter what kind of meat you're cooking, once it comes out of the oven, you should let it rest which allows the juices to reabsorb into the meat. This way, when you cut it, it doesn't lose the juiciness all over the cutting board. I'd take it out of the oven, eat your salad, and by the time you've finished, it'll have rested long enough to be cut yet still be warm.

And that's what I ate for dinner. Salad, flank steak, and some steamed broccoli. Some of the broccoli was from TJ's, but a bunch of it was from my mom's garden. The apartment smells like a fart because of it. It tastes awesome, much more like broccoli, but the smell is kind of funky... but damn, I love it.

Also from my mom's garden... purple cayenne peppers. Yeah. This from the woman with really low tolerance to hot foods. She decided to grow them "for their variegated foliage, and the purple peppers." So she planted like 6 plants. What was she thinking? Because my mom doesn't just let veggies sit on the plant. She picks them, ends up with buckets full of whatever produce it is, and then presses them on everyone, and she makes me feel guilty when I can't eat anymore because when I don't eat it, it goes to waste, and she spent all this time in the garden, sweating in the sun, watering and weeding, fighting off deer and woodchucks, and I can't even eat any more of this?

If I met the deer or woodchuck who could eat one of those blasted peppers, I would shake his/her paw/hoof. Because DAMN. Those are some HOT peppers. Danny and I accepted four. We used 3/4 of one in two kinds of salsa. When we were trying to figure out how much to use, we tried to get the other to try the pepper to see how hot it was. I really like hot food, so I took one sliced the long way in half, and touched the very tip of it to my tongue. The tingling burning sensation was almost immediate. The heat was insane!

If we get any more, I'll give away the ones we don't use in lab. One nice thing about science is you meet people of so many nationalities, you're bound to find someone from, say, the south of India. Or you meet some weirdo who's all macho about capsaicin. Well, whatever. I'm just happy because I won't have to feel guilty about these peppers... they do have a cool name... "black pearl," I think. Like pirates. Totally sweet.

Smoothie Operator, part deux

2008-07-21T09:51:00.000-04:00

Here's another smoothie recipe which capitalizes on bananas which for some reason tend to stay cheap year-round. It'll serve 2 people, so keep that in mind if you're making this for one. (Like make sure you have a gargantuan cup on hand... or a straw to drink it straight from the blender... :)

- 1-2 bananas
- Scoop of peanut butter
- Milk
- Several ice cubes, if you want it cold.

Insert in blender and blend. Adjust to taste. Drink, with the expectation of being really full afterwards. I'm a weirdo who likes bananas when they juuuust turn yellow, so they rarely get to be brown and spotty, but brown and spotty bananas make very potently bananary smoothies. Also, use normal peanut butter. It's more peanuty. It's healthier. No artificially hydrogenated garbage, no preservatives, no weird artificially synthesized things to prevent separation of nut solids and oil.

Peanut butter is tasty. It's also a nice combination of protein and fat, and my mom always told me to drink milk with peanut butter to make a complementary protein blend (that would be when the amino acid content in one compensates for any amino acid shortage in the other).

This is awesome not only for breakfast, but if you've been working out like a crazy person for 3 hours or something, it's the greatest thing ever afterwards. Screw the funky protein bars and Gatorade. Bananas, milk, and peanut butter give you electrolytes (salt, calcium, potassium, and others we probably don't know about yet), protein, some fat, and some sugars. Would I drink this all the time? Probably not, at least for right now. If I was fencing every day after a morning workout, I definitely would. But it is pretty high-calorie. Again, not bad for breakfast (something this cold, rich, and creamy beats a muffin in this weather hands-down), but I'd be more likely to do a straight fruit and dairy thing at this point in time.

Hopefully, my caloric needs will change shortly... I may start taking fencing lessons this fall (omg!omg!omg!omg!omg!omg!omg, etc.) because moving in with Danny will free up a good deal of money, and I'd like to blow it on fencing! I'm trying to convince Danny to sign up for a half-marathon so we can pry each other out of bed in the mornings this fall/winter for early-AM workouts.

...I wonder if I can bring a crock pot to lab to cook oatmeal in... hm... :)

Smoothie Operator

2008-07-18T11:25:00.000-04:00

Peaches are mo' in season, relatively local, sweet, and delicious. So here's a super kickass peach smoothie that I have for breakfast. This served 2 people drinkign from very large glasses.

- 3 peaches
- A few glorps** of yogurt.
- A little milk
- Dash of vanilla
- Honey to taste

Cut the peaches into rough pieces so you can get the stone out, shove into blender with everything except the honey, and blend. Once blender is off, insert finger and taste. If it's too tangy, add a bit of honey until it meets your desired sweetness. If you add ice to the blender, keep in mind colder drinks mask flavor as well as sour and sweet, so you'll probably need more.

(**Glorps of yogurt are heaping spoonfuls that go "glorp" when you toss them into the blender.)

I guess if you're looking for fullness, you can add your protein supplement of choice, but the yogurt and milk filled me up pretty well. If you use regular peaches (not white ones) you can see where the color "peach" came from! Hahah! Imagine that!

Ok!

Back to writing!

(Ugh.)

Food Mad Libs?

2008-07-16T15:13:00.001-04:00

Why do we have a penchant for calling food odd names? Did people write down the following: (name of animal):______ (preposition):_____ (article):_____ (noun):_____. Then they walked up to their friends and did them. That's probably how we got Pigs in Blankets, and Ants on a Log. Pigs in blankets are awesome but very labor-intensive and not terribly healthy, though they make a great treat.

Now, ants on a log... when did it go out of style? When I was a kid, that was an excellent snack, and it was fun to build, too. Take a celery rib, fill it with peanut butter, and insert raisins on top. Crunchy, juicy, salty, and peanut buttery with little nubs of chewy sweetness. Awesomeosity. In terms of healthy things, it's pretty high. Fiber, protein, a little fat, some iron, a small amount of carbs, and therefore pretty filling.

In these dark times of candidacy proposal rewriting, I made myself 3 ribs worth of ants on a log. If you use all-peanut peanut butter (as opposed to like Jif or Skippy or Partially Hydrogenated Crap Butter), be forewarned that the chunky kind is particularly hard to spread in celery. Especially if you're a lazy bum like me and didn't mix it properly beforehand. :)

But they cheered me up immensely, and they were particularly good with a cup of Earl Grey tea. Decaf. With a bit of milk in it. Oh yeah.

The New Fastfood Feedbag

2008-07-10T13:21:00.001-04:00

This hilarious:

Fast Food Feedbags!

Except it's almost not...

It's Bean a Hard Day's Night.

2008-07-10T12:44:00.000-04:00

I'm all for eating more plants and stuff, but every so often I need meat. It's a very primal feeling. I love rice and beans (and quinoa and beans, and tofu and veggies and beans) curried, chili-d, tomato sauced, and stirfried. But there are few things more glorious than freshly roasted chicken. Yesterday, I ate so many beans not only did I have a huge craving for meat, I seriously considered accompanying my car to get emission tested.

Ok, that was gross. I'm mildly apologetic.

But here's the short version of baked chicken:

Buy a chicken or chicken parts (I love me some kosher Empire chicken). I like to rinse it off, pat it dry, and remove the giblets from the cavity if there are any. Put it in a baking dish. Get the oven crunk to either 350 F or 400 F. Take some garlic powder, paprika, and pepper and liberally sprinkle them over the bird. Crushed up dry rosemary is optional. If it's kosher meat, you don't need salt because it's been brined. Throw into oven, and wait until the juices run clear when you wiggle the drumstick.

If you want to make it a little more flavorful, slice up a lemon (rind and all), and have a handful of fresh herbs on hand in any combination. (Sage and parsley; tarragon and parsley; sage, thyme, and parsley; tarragon, sage, and thyme; marjoram, sage, and thyme... you get the idea, riff away.) Shove the lemon slices and herbs in the cavity, or under the skin, or both places. Chopped garlic is always a good addition. I like sprinkling paprika over the bird before baking, too; the color is lovely.

When you eat it, you can unstuff the cavity and toss the herbage and lemon slices. ...Although last night Danny made chicken parts with lemon slices under the skin, and I ate the jammified lemon insides with my meat, and that was tasty. I don't think you'll get salmonella from lemon slices inside the chicken cavity, but if you try it and get sick, I have no money so leave me out of your lawsuit. :)

Anyway, if you do make a whole chicken, save the carcass after you get the breasts, drumsticks, thighs, and wings off. You can make a good split pea soup with it. Get a bag of split peas, and use their liquid::dry split peas ratio. I sweat some onion, garlic, carrots, and celery in the bottom of the pot (sweating is when you put them into a cold pot; you don't let the oil heat up as you would for sauteeing), and when they're soft, you add the cooking liquid (chicken or veggie stock is good, but water will work), the split peas, and the chicken carcass. I know some people use bacon, but
in the interest of recycling and consuming less net meat, throw that carcass in with some dried thyme, some salt if needed, and a generous amount of ground black pepper.

Simmer until the split peas are soft and remove the carcass. The meat should have fallen off into the soup. If not, take it off yourself, but don't get burnt. Some people like chunky soup, but I've always liked mine thick and smooth. If you're pureeing and lack a hand blender, do it in small batches in a regular blender. In the absence of all kitchen power tools, take a potato masher to it. Either way, it's a great split pea soup, even if it's a little out of season...

Conspiracy

2008-07-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

The fates are conspiring against me. Two nights ago, I tried to access a Montgomery County liquor store because I was in need of gin. It was closed. Maybe this is why they're losing money on their monopoly? Without gin yet full of chagrin, I drove away. Last night after another marathon day in lab, I managed to haul myself through a torrential downpour to the gym because going to the gym is better for me than drinking gin. Given the secret increase in crime, I drove my car over there instead of hiking through the excessively dark very deserted campus at 9 PM. I parked at a metered spot, which totally pissed me off. I pay a gym membership over the summer already; why should I have to pay to park closer so I don't get raped or mugged after I work my ass off all night?

But I paid the meter. I planned on doing a quick run and going home because it was so late. But a quick run turned into some biking, and I stayed longer than expected. Feeling marginally more human, I walked back to my car only to find I got ticketed for an expired meter. WTF. I was the only car there. No one was waiting for my spot, it was pouring rain, and there's been nearly a 50% increase in crime. My elevated mood popped like a balloon.

Thank you, state of Maryland, for making my life so miserable.

A Hard Day's Night. (And Day.) (And Night. And Day. And night, and Day, and Night, and Day, etc.)

2008-07-09T13:26:00.000-04:00

Grad school is so kicking my ass right now. I've been subsisting on breakfasts consisting of yogurt, blueberries from NJ (they are so freaking cheap at M&M, I get a couple containers whenever I visit my parents), and odds and ends from the fridge. (Really Good: TJ's low fat yogurt, blueberries, almonds, cinnamon, and a drizzle of buckwheat honey. Totally awesome breakfast/dessert.) Lunch has been whatever the food coop has to offer. Last night I got some falafel and hummus at 9 PM because I was in lab until then. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks. I spend my days waiting for my cells to grow in the mornings and then staring at a computer all afternoon into the night taking fluorescence traces.

And I always misspell "fluorescence."

The time intervals involved are such that going to the gym is not possible. I'm leery of running outside because recently, my oh-so-beloved university has stopped sending out crime alerts because there's been so much criminal activity. (See what I mean? DC metro area, WTF?) I think 3 Honda Civics were broken into, and the airbags were stolen along with 40-something other crimes (theft, etc.). Someone was recently pick-pocketed in the elevator in my building in the afternoon. They put metal things on the doors because people were trying to jimmy them open to steal computers.

As a result, I'm turning into mush, and I don't have time for anything. It's just too depressing. I got myself a jump rope, though. Possibly tomorrow I might swallow my pride, bring it to lab, and spend 10 minute intervals jumping rope in the hallway. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? :)

So, back to food. I ate a free Dunkin' Donut today. And it was vile, in a too-sweet and artificial Sandra Lee kind of way.

It is keeping me full. Or maybe that's just because I'm nervous? I don't know. When I'm nervous because of my own head, I tend to eat much less than usual, but if someone else is giving me crap, I tend to eat much more than usual. Well, either way, I'm nervous because I'm going to start rewriting my candidacy proposal in a few days. It's making me realize even more how much I don't want to be part of academia. I have enough data now for about 2 papers, and one of them is about a totally new way to use a particular fluorescent dye system. The other is about a hitherto undiscovered mechanism of function in this channel I've been studying.

I've been working for a year, and I've got 2 papers to write. I worked at Pepsi for a year, and I reworked the color system for the Thai strawberry-kiwi twister and figured out a way to prevent a plug of pulp forming in bottles for Vietnamese orange twister (this had stymied everyone for months).

But it isn't good enough. They can't look at what I'm doing and say, "Yes, HungryGrad, you're obviously well on your way to becoming a full-fledged scientist, good luck and godspeed." If I fail candidacy again, I'm probably going to get kicked out of grad school. Everyone looks at me and says, "But you're so smart! You won't fail." But I failed the first time, and no one thought that would happen.

If I do fail, I'll find something to do. Maybe I'll call up the people I've met and see if they can help me get my pet project underway even if I don't have my PhD. Maybe I'll go to brew school. Maybe I'll go back to Pepsi. Maybe I'll get a regular job and gun it for national fencing competitions. It won't be the end of the world, but it's definitely something I'd mope about for a while.

In 3 days, the writing shall commence. I'd better not get writer's block... that would be total bullshit.

Washington, DC: WTF?

2008-07-08T16:45:00.000-04:00

Last night highlighted exactly what is wrong with Washington, DC. Despite a frighteningly large majority of people who're apparently happy living lives consisting solely of working for The Man, some of us like to get out and, well, do things. Even if it's just drinks and a movie after dinner for a friend who successfully defended her thesis. (Well, it was a Monday...)

See, last week Danny took me to see his former drum teacher play in a small jazz band. After about 30 seconds, I turned to Danny and said "I'm not going to say anything, but you owe me. You're coming to see Sex and the City with me, and you can't make comments." Now, I really enjoy jazz, but I hate (HATE) smooth jazz. Kenny G. and elevator music in general is especially repugnant. So, I felt no shame whatsoever in dragging Danny out to see the cinematic culmination of HBO's pop culture stir.

We arrived early in Georgetown, and walked down to the water to scope out the boat hos. Boat hos are some of DC's finest gold diggers who wander the G-town pier trying to pick up men who own boats with names that imply "Super Multi-Millionaire Phallic Means of Conveyance That Is Actually Smaller Than My Penis Which In Turn Is Only Slightly Smaller Than My Bank Account." Sadly, there were only two of them. But the night was so lovely, we didn't want to just hole up in the theater.

My alcoholic spidey senses alerted me to the presence of an outdoor bar at Nick's Riverside Grill. I should have realized when they asked to see ID and then put a bright neon green bracelet on my wrist that this was a bad choice. Undeterred, I ordered a gin and tonic (Bombay Saphire all the way, baby), and Danny got a vodka tonic. The bar was completely full, noisy, and the resident drunk weirdo was talking to anyone who looked lost, so we drifted over to an out-of-the-way table. Just as I got comfortable and possibly paid my first ever compliment to the city of Washington ("This is actually quite nice..."), a waitress walked up to us and told us we weren't allowed to sit there.

Why, we queried. The other side of the outdoor space is completely full, this side is empty, and the bar has no seats left. But unless we ordered food, we were banished to the bar. We dragged chairs to the edge of the bar area, sat down, and I was promptly told to move again because I was blocking the entrance. At that point, we walked away. At the other end of the bar was the host, who looked about 16. He kindly gave us a table - the one we started at, as a matter of fact - and we used the menus as our official credentials allowing us to occupy the table.

WTF, Nick's Riverside Grill? WTF?

The food is incredibly expensive, and for what? It looked like total crap. And whatever happened to running a business that serves the needs and desires of its customers? The best seating is at the water's edge. Why cram everyone off to one side in a giant noisy mass? We had drinks, which involve zero cleanup, and alcohol is where the money is made, anyway.

As it was, I would never eat there. The menu sucks. If I pay$17 for a salad, it had better not simply be a "southwestern salad." I would like some perfectly seared tuna or duck confit and some berries, not grilled chicken and black beans. And if it is chicken and black beans, I would like it to be organic free range chicken and organic black beans, and the other ingredients should be sustainably farmed. And $10 for a small plate of friedness? Why? I can stop by my local college dining hall and get the same crap for 50% less.

Also, the attitude of the waitstaff is inexcusable. Danny and I are clearly not college kids out to get drunk and rowdy. We are two people out on a Monday night date looking for some peace and quiet. The only plus was a very generously healthy measure of gin in my gin and tonic. Perhaps the drinks are so strong because if the patrons aren't slightly drunk, they would beat up the waitstaff.

What really got me was the unnecessary amount of ridiculously rigid rules. Everywhere you turn, you think "Why?" Washington, DC and the surrounding metro area, why are you so obsessed with regulations and restrictions and not drinking and completely nonsensical ways to simultaneously aggravate people and blow tax dollars?

(In Montgomery County, for instance, you can't get hard liquor outside of special county-run liquor stores. Mysteriously, the county is actually LOSING MONEY on their hard liquor monopoly. No, really. I'm serious. No exaggeration. How the hell do you accomplish that?)

Dear Mark Bittman,

2008-07-02T11:26:00.000-04:00

How do I land a job as awesome as yours? You make dinner, write about it the next day, and you get paid to do so. You also get to jetset around Europe, cooking and eating your way across countries I can't afford, especially given the state of the US dollar when compared to euros, or worse, British pounds. Yet you never make me feel inferior.

You're funny, accessible, and slightly bonkers. I like that your delivery is tempered by a surly note, which elevates it above the showmanship of Emeril and Paula (although I love her very much), the know-it-all cockiness of Bobby Flay, and even Alton Brown, whose geekazoidalosity is definitely polarizing. You are New York cooking, and I love it.

Thank you for existing and writing such excellent lists of food combinations, especially your most recent one, 101 Picnic Foods. It makes me want to grab a blanket, a cheap red, and find a
riverbank somewhere. If you were a rock star, I'd find a cute pair of underwear to throw at you.

Best regards,
HungryGrad

The rest of the story...

2008-07-01T10:55:00.000-04:00

To continue the epic tale of our Caribbean vacation, I'll pick up from day 3. I acquired a really nasty sunburn on the backs of my legs, thanks to sunscreen getting rubbed off during surfing, but I pulled on a pair of linen pants (everyone should have a pair of billowy linen pants on a Caribbean vacation), and soldiered on. Danny and I hopped in a cab and visited the oldest synagogue in the Western hemisphere, which was in Bridgetown, the capital of Barbados. The building switched hands many times, going from law offices to a warehouse, and then it was scheduled for demolition. But it was saved by people who donated money to preserve its history, and the building now has a museum that presents some really nifty Portuguese and Brazilian Jewish history.

The really excellent part was when we wandered around the graveyard. Some of the graves had - get this - skulls and crossbones on them. Pirates! Rum-swilling pirates! Crazy Barbadian Jewish rum-swilling pirates! With hourglasses and cutlasses and things! And no one really knows what they mean! Of course, they could just be symbols of death imported from either Portuguese or integrated Portuguese-Brazilian culture, but they were super cool nonetheless. I mean, you always hear about the Jewish bankers and merchants being maligned for handling money (total bullshit because they were banned from holding land by the anti-Semitic powers that be so what were they supposed to do, anyway?), but you never hear about badass Jews who kicked butt, outside of the story of Chanukah and the Israeli military, that is.

Anyway, after we stared at the graves, took some pictures, shmoozed with the museum guy, and got a tip on where to eat a beautiful lunch, we decided to try to find Mount Gay Rum Distillery, which the oldest rum distillery on the island, if not the whole Caribbean. Most tourists take cabs. We decided to try public transportation. It was an enormous mistake. Let it be known that there are none, zip, zero, zilch, nada, no bus maps or even road maps of Barbados. First we got totally lost in Bridgetown. No one had any idea where we were trying to go. A policewoman told us to go to what we found out was the total opposite end of the island. After much wandering and worrying when a cry of "You white interlopers!" would echo down a street followed by a pistolwhipping and a mugging, we got in a cab and made it back to our hotel. We never did get to the Mount Gay Rum Distillery, which we kind of thought would be a huge joke, anyway.

(A random, somewhat socio-political commentary about Barbados: There is not as much open racism there, and possibly even less anti-Semitism. I wonder if it's because Barbados is populated primarily by people with darker skin who also hold positions of power, but I really have no idea why walking down the street feels safer. After all, the black Barbadian population were enslaved, just like American blacks. And I felt less trepidation asking a cab driver to take us to the old synagogue then I would have felt if I did the same thing in Virginia. Barbadians - black and white alike - take great pride in being independent from England, and the island itself is so small that perhaps country takes precedence over race...? No idea. But still interesting.)

Anyway, back to the scheduled discussion of rum-soaked vacation. In lieu of going on a tour of Mount Gay, we continued our highly scientific test of Barbadian rum and purchased Cockspur brand rum. The medium aged one was so good, Danny and I swilled it from the flask straight. (For the record, I now hate Bacardi. It is complete and total shit.) To accompany our rum, we got some chicken, locally grown tomatoes, some onions, a Bajan marinade, and some Bajan hot sauce. When we have the marinade decoded (it involved shallots, salt, pepper, marjoram, thyme, basil, onion, and garlic, I think), I'll post it here. Until then, the most I can do is tell you that all those herbs grilled on chicken were unbelievable, as was the hot sauce. There was a grill where we stayed, so we BBQ'd up a storm.

(I haven't mentioned it, but we did breakfast pretty much the same every day; we had a thing of nutella, some bread, cheese, tomatoes, kippers, local mangoes, milk, and juice. We combined everything in sane combinations - cheese, bread, and hot sauce = awesome - which did the trick, along with mango smoothies every morning.)

Our fourth day in Barbados, it mostly rained on and off. We took that day to laze around the apartment, watching the birds in the sea grape trees outside our balcony, and admiring how the sea changed color when the weather turned. It was a lovely lazy day culminating in a trip to Oistins in the evening for the Friday night fish fry. Oistins is the place to be if you're a fisherman or a fish eater. There's a fish market, and like 12 feet away is the fish fry. The fish fry is wonderful; rows of stalls of people selling fried or grilled fish in steaks, fillets, or whole, on plates loaded with rice and beans, macaroni pie (read: mac and cheese), and salad. Those are the pictures at the top of this post. I think the fish we ate was swimming a couple hours ago. Everyone goes on Friday nights, locals and tourists alike. The place really gets packed, and there's music and booze and dancing and stalls selling junk. It's definitely something to do if you go, but be aware that Barbados is where 80's dance and Michael Jackson music go to die. The local reggae is much better. After we ate, drank, checked out the junk being sold, and people watched to our hearts' content, we got back to our hotel and crashed hardcore, full of fish.

The next day we rented a car so we could drive through the island and check out the less developed east coast. The interior is beautiful, hilly sugar cane fields and some more wild areas. However, you do see where the less well-off live. There are small groups of houses, tiny and without foundations, cars up on blocks, and goats and chickens wandering around. To any tourist renting a car, do not stop for anyone for any reason. We got accosted by a man trying to turn a dollar as a tour guide. Danny stopped the car, and I started yelling at him, sure we'd get killed when he in his eternal brilliance opened the window. Luckily we didn't get killed, but don't stop. And don't open your bloody windows.

That being said, we found the place for our one big-ticket lunch, The Roundhouse. After some maniacal laughter about not being dead at the hands of possibly the only tourist-hating Bajan on the island, we noticed how awesome the view was. The food delicious (more grilled fish!), and wandering on the beach after we ate was perfect. The Atlantic side of the island has a very different character from the Caribbean. The ocean is rocky with big waves and very strong currents. It's more dramatic and sharp. We wandered along the coast, snapped some pictures of the interesting rock formations, and then drove back to our hotel, this time without harassment.

That was it for us. We packed up and got ready to return to reality. And of course, we finished up with one more curried goat roti and pineapple juice. The cab back to the airport the following day was uneventful. We endured a screaming child sitting immediately behind us for 4 hours. Happily, I resisted throwing him out an emergency exit. (I mean, I know children will scream, but the parents weren't handling it properly. The kid wanted attention and they gave it to him. It was really pathetic. I never want to have kids. They're monsters.)

But that was our trip. It was nice. I had a great time. I highly suggest surfing, Cockspur rum, mangoes, checking out the synagogue if that's your thing, roti, swimming, Oistins Friday night fish fry, and a trip to the east side of the island. Definitely do not stop for the dudes hustling tour gigs in the interior, and don't buy into people renting hovels for $45 a night. If I were going back, I'd spring for a fully A/C'd place to stay not because you need A/C, but because there are no screens and mosquitoes are an issue. If I had the dough, maybe I'd rent a car, but the reggae buses are kind of silly and much more fun. There was a bar, Mojo, right across from where we stayed. Nice people, good way to slowly enter into the Barbadian rhythm. They mix a good rum punch.

You should go. :)

Going Bajan, days 1 and 2...

2008-06-24T13:29:00.000-04:00

Going to Barbados is the kind of trip that requires more than just a car and a roadmap, even if you do roll the windows up really tightly. There are no rest stops at the bottom of the Atlantic, so it wouldn't matter how waterproof your closed windows made your car because you'd be screwed the second you tried to get out and pee.

Therefore, a plane seemed much more practical. Danny and I booked a nonstop flight from JFK on Jamaica Air for $470-something each. It left at 6:50 in the morning. Hooray. We left my parents' house (who were kind enough to let us crash there) at 3 AM, stumbled into the airport, and tried not to lean too heavily on our fellow passengers as we vertically snoozed in line, periodically wiping the drool off our passports.

Eventually we got through security, picked our way through people lying on the floor in sleeping bags only to find that JFK is run by heartless bastards who put unmovable arm rests on the benches so you can't lie down across them. To make everything worse, we then found out Air Jamaica was running 2 hours late. We consoled ourselves with those airport muffins that look and taste as if they'd last for roughly 24,956 years with nary a loss of moist sponginess. I'm going to echo Michael Pollan and say don't trust anything that bacteria can't get to. If they can't digest it, do we really think we're capable of it?

(NB: Perhaps the people who study these things should look into the possible use of things like Cheez Wiz or any processed American cheese food product as the next super antibiotic, because damn. How do we get fat on that crap? It's basically sodium-laden plastic. But it never, ever rots. Seriously, kids, what have we wrought.)

But anyway, we managed to get on the plane, and I realized I forgot gum so my ears were all funkified for a while. But all was well. We were high up in the wild blue yonder with fluffy interesting clouds all around us and periodic honking noise from a child seated immediately behind us who I thought was a functional autistic. His dad was doing a good job of keeping him calm. Then they served breakfast. Airline food is an abysmal affair unless you're flying ElAl, the Israeli airline. They're a bit brusque, but security is top-notch and the food is actually good. Actually, if you have the chance on any airline, get the kosher option. Whenever I've gotten it, people have always jealously eyeballed my food.

But we were just getting breakfast, so we figured, hey, how bad could it be? It was definitely worse than elementary school breakfasts. In fact, I don't want to talk much about it. The best that can be said was the sodden greasy potato bits looked like they actually came from real potato tubers, and the omelette was nominally made of actual egg matter.

Happily, we landed, and hooray! We were in Barbados! A little about Barbados: Barbados is the most easterly of all the Caribbean islands. The last time it was severely hit by a hurricane was in the 50's. It's an interesting place. It was formed not by a volcano but by a massive reef. Before becoming an independent nation, it was a British colony, and English culture even now remains a heavy influence. For instance, topless sunbathing is against the law, and cricket reigns supreme. You see old ladies walking around in short sleeve dresses that fall past their knees with a neat belt around their waists, a straw hat, and sensible shoes. But you also have the island culture. Reggae, rasta, and surfing have a place in Barbados, too. Barbadians are a resourceful lot, I'm sure due in no small part to a 97% literacy rate. Unlike other former colonies, Barbadians pride themselves on making tourism into an economic venture that benefits a wide range of people. The line between the haves and the have-nots is indeed present, but it isn't anywhere near as stark as it is in, say, Jamaica. That being said, Barbados is still a third-world country. (It's a rising star in the eyes of developed nations; everyone is watching to see where Barbados is going. They have an educated resourceful population who take great pride in their country.)

So, Danny and I are the first of all out friends, acquaintances, and families who've gone. We took a leap of faith and jumped. Take it from me, don't go for the $45 a night guesthouse. We got there, and it turned out to be a hovel. It was little more than a poorly constructed shed with a holey mosquito net over the bed. A tent in a backyard would have been more comfortable. The mini fridge in the room acted like a small space heater. This would have been lovely in the dead of winter in New Hampshire, but in an equatorial region? No. Trade winds or not, it was miserable. Barbados is strange in that despite a problem with dengue fever, which has gotten steadily worse with the end of DDT, there are no screens. People just don't use them. We looked all around the island, and they just weren't on any windows. But anyway, after one night in the heated hovel, we decided to screw the deposit and find somewhere else to stay.

(Get Rich Quick Scheme, #496: Sell screens to the Barbadian people.)

Sea Foam Haciendas, run by a very nice woman Phillipa (Phillippa? Philippa?), was just the ticket. We opted out of a place with full A/C because (a) we were on a budget, and (b) we're tough young'uns. But our new digs had an air conditioned bedroom, a private balcony overlooking the startlingly turquoise Caribbean, and a BBQ downstairs on the shared patio by the ocean. If I had more money, and I could afford something more than $130 a night (US dollars), I would probably go for full A/C for no other reason than it would keep the very militant mosquitoes out, although I think they got in with the cleaning people from the stairwell, not the windows. Seriously, the mosquitoes would loiter, waiting. They lurk in the shadows until you get there, and then they emerge, surrounding and buzzing you like fighter jets. I would say Barbadian mosquitoes are more belligerent than Barbadian bums.

However, if you're looking for Caribbean on a budget, Sea Foam Haciendas is in an ideal place. Not only is there your own uncrowded stretch of beach and ocean in which you can spot sea turtles (it was totally sweet; we saw 2-3 sea turtles from the balcony a day), but you can access the supermarket (which sells all sorts of liquor), a bank, a roti place (The Ackee Tree), public transportation, and a nice bar, Mojo. It's also close to St. Lawrence Gap, where nightlife happens. And Phillipa is incredibly helpful with anything you may or may not want to do during the day.

The second day before we relocated from our overheated hovel, we went for a morning surfing lesson with Zed of Zed's Surfing Adventures. This was a whim. I wanted to try it. I'm a pretty rotten snowboarder although I do enjoy it, so surfing seemed the next logical thing. I convinced Danny he should try it too, and we stood with the other members of the group and listened to our instructors explain how to stand up. You can't walk without standing up first, and neither can you call it surfing unless you're upright.

I discovered something that day. All you have to do is listen to what they tell you, and then you do it. And you don't think about it; you just get up and ride it. Standing on a surf board is like fencing, just you stand still and no one's trying to stab you! I stood up and rode my first wave all the way the hell in. Danny and I rocked surfing, hardcore. At the end of about 2.5 hours riding waves, tipping over and hard paddling, it was time to go in. (Seriously, I can see why models and actors surf. It is a HELL of a workout for your core and shoulders.) As we loaded the surf boards back into the truck, one of the guys teaching us brought out a bag of the most sweet mangoes ever. Warm, green, and incredibly fragrant, they beat you over the head with mango flavor, and we peeled and ate the fruit out of our hands with a bit of sea salt still on our lips.

Upon returning to our new place, we decided the Ackee Tree was our next stop for a proper meal. Curried goat rotis, a sort of West Indian burrito, were excellent. Also, I think they may serve the world's best fresh pineapple juice. It's hard to explain, but everything seemed exaggerated. The sunshine was more intense, the colors more vibrant, houseplants that sat demurely in pots at home were tree-sized soil dwelling giants, sprawling over people's lawns, flowering and spilling scent into the street (the plumerias were of special note), and even the fruit flavors were somehow more concentrated and magnified.

That night, as we retreated into our relatively mosquito-free air conditioned cave, the ocean serenaded us to sleep. The fact that it was cool enough to endure being touched by another human made it worthwhile. The waves were a welcome lullaby compared to the insanely hot fearful night we spent worrying about when we'd see the silhouette of a murderer coming through the bars on our door in that hovel. Sometimes, losing the deposit (which was negligible when compared with not sleeping) is certainly worth it.

Stay tuned for the rest of the trip report...

The perks of graduate school! Yes, they do exist!

2008-06-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

The perks of grad school are far and few between. But the best one is having student status when shopping for a Macbook. Because now, if you're a student and you buy a computer, you get a free iPod. But not just ANY iPod. Now you can get an iPod Touch.

For free!

With an Apple purchase!

With a DISCOUNTED Apple purchase! Because I'm a student! And I suffer a lot! So I deserve it!

(Yep. I'm excited about a gadget. I'm officially Danny's girlfriend.)

I got the basic macbook - which I've been playing with for the last day or so. I think I'm going to post a picture I just took of myself here. Now you all know what I look like. How narcissistic of me. But anyway, my techno-items are mas awesome. And the iPod Touch is pure sex. I mean, here's a gadget that not only has 8 GB of memory, but its 8 GB of memory is flash, so that means when I jog or engage in another bouncy activity, I can listen to my music sans overtones of guilt for jarring my player's fragile insides. My old mp3 player (which is roughly the size of a 6-inch Subway sandwich; it's a Creative Labs Zen Nomad Jukebox) has served me exceptionally well, despite its more traditional hard drive insides. It has survived getting doused in the contents of a nalgene to regain full function; it endured a flying trip off the treadmill during which it shot across the floor and bounced a few times, and it has to stay in those rank mp3 player holders on the machines at the gym (which it does without picking up too much crud or breaking in protest). I put it in there so it doesn't suffer from the mp3 player version of shaken baby syndrome.

However, now I can strap the iPod Touch to my arm and leap on a trampoline if I so desire.

But it's so sad... my old one has served me so well, and it still works beautifully. Its memory is HUGE; I can fit multiple books on tape on it and still have plenty of room for music. And it's resilient as all hell. I can't bring myself to throw it away; I love it too much. I think I may load it up with lots of nice music, and give it to my mom. She teaches art, and recently the school prohibited access to any streaming websites, so that put an end to listening to the radio in her room. She can't get radio normally, so my mom's got nothing. I think that'll be the best way to give it a new life, so my guilt is assuaged. Sweet.

Now, I'm confronted with another issue; what kind of laptop bag should I get? There are some colorful patterned ones that I really like, there are some purely utilitarian ones that are butt-ugly, casual ones that are just eh, and there are some gorgeous designer ones I'm salivating over but won't be able to afford pretty much ever. The cute ones would be ok if I was in a creative field, but I get the feeling they would need to be matched to an outfit, which cuts down on the number of total possible uses. I'm thinking something classic and leather with a lot of interior pockets under $100, maybe with a brilliantly colored lining so there's something colorful about it. But I need to take the possibility of having to cart it with me to a talk or an interview into consideration. I'm in science. Socks and sandals are ok, but anything beyond Dockers and a polo shirt is totally unacceptable. People look if you accessorize a white button down and a tan pencil skirt with a red belt.

And in other news, I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. Danny and I found a guesthouse a 10 minute walk from the beach for US$45 a night. It comes with a kitchen and linens and it's run by a couple, a scientist and an artist, German and Dutch expats. I'm looking forward to some beautiful beaches, trade winds, lots of rum, eating a lot of very fresh fish and taking surfing lessons. Oh yeah, and I'm going to try not to get a sunburn. I'm so white I can be used to reflect sunlight and tan people at right angles to my body, but Hawaiian Tropics 60+ Ozone Sport practically promises to protect you from everything short of a full nuclear blast. Other practical preparations included buying Army-strength bug repellant from Campmor.

Oh yes, there was one other very important thing. Purchasing a couple bathing suits with fixed cups. You know how some bikinis have sliding triangle tops? They are ideal for lounging, perhaps going for a ladylike dip in a pool, and soaking up rays and the stares of gentleman passersby. However, they are utterly inadequate when you actually enter the ocean. They are especially lousy when you're the kind of chick who hates sitting still at the beach and likes to bodysurf and swim. I fund this out when I was at the beach with Danny and his brother. I had just spectacularly rode a particularly violent wave which threw me all the way up the shore - I like to think of it as insta-exfoliation. I got up, disheveled and laughing, flipped my hair out of my face, and Danny gave me That Look. You know, the "I-UNEXPECTEDLY-SEE-BOOBIES" look. I think in England they say "Phwooooaaaaarrr!" It was the American version thereof.

Happily, his brother (and most of Hilton Head, SC) missed the show. But that taught me something. Save the string sliding cups for lakes and cool weather sunbathing. I will be going to Barbados with 2 lovely Victoria's Secret bikinis that will keep the girls locked in and loaded. My need and resultant research combined with a free shipping and returns offer from VS made me admit they really know their bathing suits. I figured they'd be for waify modelesque women, but they are actually well-cut and well-sized. I'm not plus-sized, but for a 5'11" 24-yr-old, I'm a small on top and a large on the bottom in one, (I own a different pattern and it doesn't make your boobs look ridiculous; they feel more locked in, actually), and in the other, a small on top and a medium on the bottom (slightly skimpy in the rear, but the wide bands make it all ok). They fit well at 152 lbs. Nothing's squeezed or bulging over. Truth be told, I'd like to drop back to 145-150 lbs (which was my competition weight when I was fencing in college and I was in badass shape), but I'm happy with how everything looks now, and I can envision them fitting well even after I tighten up a little more.

The only thing that's missing is a cute sundress/coverup. I'm too tall for most things. So, I'm making do with shorts and a shirt. Definitely not as pretty, but, well, we can't have it all, can we? I'm just happy I found bathing suits that have enough material to cover my butt top to bottom! Plumber's cleavage in a bathing suit is just nasty.

It's all about the protein in the freezer, kids...

2008-06-12T17:27:00.000-04:00

Yes, indeed. Protein in the freezer. The other day it was chicken, last night it was rockfish, and tonight, it looks like it's going to be salmon.

Last night, dinner was some sliced rockfish sauteed in olive oil along with some garlic, to which was added frozen corn and some Trader Joe's (TJ's) black pepper sautee sauce. That's it. And some broiled tomatoes with a sprinkling of chopped fresh parsley and some squeezed lemon. Took ~20 minutes, all told. No, really.

- Slice rockfish into strips (against the grain), and chop some garlic.

- Heat oil in pan, give garlic a head start, throw in rockfish, rotating when it's done on one side.

- When rockfish is almost done, add in corn. Let corn defrost in pan, and then add sauce. Heat through.

For the tomatoes:

- Turn broiler on high, put washed roma tomatoes in broiling pan (if you put foil down, you don't have a huge mess), and stick 'em right under the flame. Leave until they get some degree of char and leak juice. Slice in half, sprinkle with fresh parsley (or herb of choice), squeeze lemon, eat.

That's it.

Dessert was orange segments and 2 squares of TJ's pound plus dark chocolate (I think it's 72%?). Two squares dissolved in my mouth is about all I can take of that chocolate. It's brilliant for PMS, general anger, and things like that. I could have made rice, but... eh, I wasn't feeling it. The corn counted as veggie and starch at the same time, anyway.

...Man, I love broiled tomatoes.

Not food, but really cool nonetheless...

2008-06-10T20:10:00.000-04:00

I found a link to the Harvard University commencement speech given by J.K. Rowling. As a more than avid Harry Potter fan, I had to listen. She is such an intelligent person. All my fan-gushing aside (and for the record my celebrity freebie would be Alan Rickman in character as Severus Snape - oh, his sexy slippery voice! his snarky sarcasm! his dungeon!), there is so much written into the simple syntax of her stories.

Anyone who is struggling with anything - finding him/herself, graduate school, body image, a clash with a family member(s) - should give Rowling a listen. No stranger to struggling herself, she very eloquently differentiates between often confused concepts; for instance, she says to simply be poor is not enobling, and in fact, it's degrading and stressful. But finding the strength to rise above it is what makes it a worthwhile experience, because had you not been poor, perhaps you may never have discovered the inner strength you do in fact have.

(Heck, I've impressed plenty of people by not dropping out of grad school after failing candidacy... although I didn't think about it until they told me. It was nice being told, though. :) )

It made me think about Harry Potter's beginnings. He was conceived in a station while Rowling waited for a late train. Think what she's done. She went from working in cafes on the public dole to speaking at Harvard commencement. Imagine if the next time we were stuck in traffic, waiting for a train, or sitting in a doctor's office we started letting our imaginations work, carry us off like hers did instead of letting ourselves sit and fume over the time that was being wasted. How much more productive and enjoyable it would be!

Ultimately, Rowling told a story of hope, tenacity, and love. We may not all be storytellers, and I'm no wordsmith myself, but we can still take note. And who knows what can be conjured out of a 45 minute delay and the right cocktail of events?

Bottom line? Listen to the speech. It's intelligent, interesting, and funny.

The Ancient Marinar-a

2008-06-10T10:44:00.000-04:00

What do you do with a ton of leftover marinara so it doesn't grow white and blue fuzzy mold?

There is the obvious; dump it on pasta. There are the weird things that only I do; spread it on toast. And then there's the compromise of easy prep, adding some protein, and edibility in large quantities (because really, how much tomato sauce can you spread on a piece of toast?).

We decided to make chicken meatballs with some leftover boneless skinless dark meat that was languishing in the freezer. Danny has a meat grinder attachment for his stand mixer which is an awesome piece of multitasking equipment. He put the chicken down it, along with some matzah meal (in lieu of breadcrumbs), egg, a small piece of onion, some garlic, salt and pepper, and some dried thyme.

Caveat: chicken going through a meat grinder may and probably will splatter. Just an FYI. So maybe have someone there shielding with their hands or something. At the very least, you'll have someone to go "Ewwww!! Gross!" to as chicken splorts out, and then they'll help you wipe up afterwards.

Anyway, form the chicken mixture into balls, and cook in simmering marinara sauce until done. The meatballs stayed really moist and tender, and they are uber-flavorful. We didn't brown them or anything, just put them in. They made for an excellent post-fencing pre-bedtime snack on top of Trader Joe's sprouted wheat papardelle. And now I'm going to eat the leftovers for lunch.

Quickie

2008-06-09T19:00:00.001-04:00

The pizza and beer party was a success! Huzzah!

As much as I love and love to hate Alton Brown, his pizza dough recipe is excellent. Watching the Good Eats episode of it made me want to pull out his hair in a fit of anti-OCD rage. But then... he's kind of adorable. And he cooks. Nothing is sexier than a man who cooks. Especially a man who cooks well. Yet, on the other hand, he has too many gadgets. And a man who has too many gadgets... you can't help but wonder, does he need an excess of gadgets to do everything else? But then you get curious, and then you want to find out.

And so my periodic Alton celebrity pseudo-crush goes.

But back to the party! Of course, Danny and I made far too much food. We discovered that pureed tomatoes poured into sauteed garlic and onion with basil, oregano, hot pepper flakes, black pepper, salt, and sugar simmered until it reduces makes an excellent marinara. And we have like a gallon of it. However, when you make your own pizza dough and you keep the marinara super tangy and flavorful, the pizza tastes clean, fresh, and oddly healthy. We followed Alton's recipe for dough (we used bread flour, which achieved a very real-pizzaria chewiness), my own concoction for sauce (see above), and Trader Joe's shredded mozzarella. We cooked them at the highest heat Danny's oven would go, 550 F. We actually achieved crispy crust! At home!

The best part was the whole thing was super cheap. Because the party was on a Friday, I didn't have time to do the meringues, so we chopped up fruit and broke up one of those pound plus 70-something % chocolate bars from Trader Joe's and put the pieces in a bowl. We got zero complaints. And our beer aged really well. We cleaned out our bottles just in time to bottle our new batch, a Belgian wit beer spiced with coriander and curacao peel.

This new batch (some of which adorns the ceiling in Danny's kitchen) smells and tastes wonderful. We had to try some as we bottled. It was green and the flavors hadn't melded yet, but the promise was definitely there. The coriander and orange peel was lovely with the hops. Even at that stage, you can taste how it will be an incredibly refreshing beverage in a few more weeks, ice-cold in a glass with a slice of orange on the rim.

Awwww yeahhhh. ;)

Gad-Zukes!

2008-06-05T10:01:00.000-04:00

I had 2 hefty zucchinis sitting in the fridge, and nothing is more revolting than rotted zucchinis. Even when they're fresh, they have a hint of sliminess. Kind of like, "Heh heh heh, if you leave us long enough, we will ooze ALL OVER YOUR FRIDGE..."

So, I decided to take action before the fridge microbes reduced them to a puddle of glop. (As if we need further convincing that wasting food is bad.)

But anyway, here're two ways to take care of zukes.

One way involves a grill. Slice the zucchinis lengthwise into strips (roughly 1/4" thick; perfection is not key). Have some soy sauce in a dish with a bit of oil and a brush (or spoon) on hand. Put the slices on a hot grill, and either brush or dribble the oil/soy sauce over them, turning them when they get a little cooked and have grill marks. Apply oil/soy sauce to the other side, cook a little more, and then eat. We call them snakes.

You could put teriyaki on them or even a curry-based marinade, and they'd taste great. This is the most stripped down quick way to do it. You could probably even cut them into cubes and skewer them, alternating with tomatoes. (Grilled tomatoes are very underrated. As are grilled onions. You know who has the grilled veggie thing down? The Persians. They know what's what in the grilled veggie department.)

Actually, this just came to me... if anyone is vegan or has friends who are and you're throwing a 4th of July party, take the vinaigrette from this recipe. I tried it with tofu which I sauteed, and it's fresh-tasting and I kind of want to drink it. It would probably rock with tempeh, which has more chewiness and flavor than tofu. I'd marinate the tempeh, and alternate tempeh chunks on skewers with zucchini, tomato, and onion. (Or just grill the tempeh in burger-sized pieces; incidentally, Trader Joe's sells tempeh as do most crunchy hippie health food stores.) Judging by how the tofu came out, you'll have to beat the meat-eaters off the tempeh. I don't have a BBQ at my disposal - hooray apartment living - but if anyone tries this, I want to know how it comes out!

So... the other way to cook zucchini requires an onion, several cloves of garlic, a can of tomato sauce (so I just realized I have no idea how big said can was, but it's the size of cans that beans typically come in), and dried oregano, basil, and chili flakes, or whatever herbs you like. Cut your zucchinis (I think I probably had somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 pounds) in half lengthwise, and then slice into 1/4-1/2" slices. Chop your onion and garlic. Heat some olive oil in a pan, sautee the onion. When it starts to turn brownish-translucent, throw in the garlic and the zukes. Sautee until the zukes start to turn bright green, get limp, and start to turn brown. Throw in the tomato sauce and your herbs (I have no idea how much; ~2-3 dashes), cover the pot, turn the heat down, and let it simmer until the flavors have time to mix. Done.

You can skew the ratio of veggie chunks:sauce in favor of the veggies and you have a side-dish, or if you like 'em saucy, it can top pasta. I had mine over some ravioli, even though it was more zucchini than sauce, but I like zucchini. And this typically tastes even better the next day.

(As a side-note... zucchinis will probably be tastier and more plentiful a little later in the season for those of us in the northern hemisphere. So enjoy!)

Wort

2008-06-04T11:33:00.000-04:00

I am one of those people who performs secret arcane fermentation rituals in order to make my own beer just the way I like it in large quantities for cheap. Also, it's just cool! I mean, there's all that science involved, plus a whole new vocabulary of funky words that never developed beyond the old English from whence they sprung. Like "sparge" and "wort" and "kreusen" (I think kreusen is actually German, but English has some pretty deep German influences anyway).

The best part is you can get as into the science as you want. I think they could teach Biochemistry II in its entirety from the perspective of fermenting your own beer. All the metabolism is there; aerobic and anaerobic, as well as the importance of various minerals and compounds to proper yeast function. And then there's a smattering of organic chemistry; the conversion of one compound to something totally different to generate a scent of cloves, for instance. Even different species of yeast produce different chemicals, and the beer you get is highly impacted by what strain of yeast you toss into the muddy syrup that is your wort.

And then there are hops, which are really polarizing. I love the smell of hops. Danny simply tolerates it. What starts out smelling a bit like very pungent and strong lawn mower clippings ends up giving the beer a citrusy floral smell, some bitterness, and antimicrobial properties. The antimicrobial thing I find really interesting, because it allows the wort, which is a sugar, vitamin, and mineral-rich broth made from steeped grains, to stay sterile long enough for the yeast to establish themselves as the dominant organism. For instance, India pale ales (IPAs) are more bitter. Why? The beer was more heavily hopped up because it had to stay microrganism-free in the heat and humidity of India for the British soldiers stationed there. Drug companies should take note. :)

Alternatively, you can say "Screw the science!" and just revel in your personal ability to get yourself drunk.

From scratch!

Which I do. I couldn't tell you how much alcohol was in either of our 2 batches of homebrew. I do science at work. Brewing is nifty fun that gets me drunk and keeps my madd food science skillz honed.

The thing is, I really enjoy alcohol in all its forms. I love vodka and gin and tequila and rum, good wine is always highly appreciated, and I love good beer and even cider. (I'm not talking Woodchuck brand, but more along the lines of this. You know, cider that actually tastes like apples. Liberty Spy is a good one to try. One day, Legacy won't be sold out, and I'll get to try that one.) Distillation is borderline against the law. The rules vary state to state, sometimes small quantities are legal, but I can brew beer with impunity. As much as I'd like to try to make my own applejack (one of my uncle's patients made him some and it was like someone concentrated the essence of Apple - and I don't mean Gwyneth Paltrow's kid - into this incredibly alcoholic liquid fire; drinking it was practically a religious experience), I fear the law too much.

So, I stick with beer brewing. Ommegang 3 Philosophers will put you under the table, and one day I'd like to try something as insanely complex as that, but right now Danny and I have had enough on our hands trying to do a spiced Belgian wit beer, in the image of Hoegaarden. Funny story about this one. After we poured the wort into the fermenter, we added the yeast. Typically, you have a blowoff tube to release the pressure from the carbon dioxide the yeast produce. The first 24 hours, the fermentation was so rigorous, at some point in the night it clogged the tube, the cork exploded off the fermenter, and beer crud spattered all the way up the wall onto the ceiling. There was a 1-foot blast radius on the ceiling which actually looked quite funny. We'll know how the beer turns out July 4th weekend. We made it so we could bring some homebrew to my family's July 5th party at my grandma's house.

Anyway, this weekend is a beer-and-pizza party, but Danny and I made the beer ourselves (it was our first batch, a nice mellow ale), and we're also going to make the pizza. It's not that hard. We'll do the dough the night before and let it rise in the fridge overnight. We have a huge can of tomato product that we'll transmogrify into a nice tangy sauce, and I might make some meringues to go with fresh fruit for dessert. (Nice contrast to the heavy beer and pizza.) It should be quite tasty... :)

Mo' fruits, mo' veggies...

2008-06-03T11:25:00.000-04:00

A short while ago, the NY Times published an article on how best to cook your veggies to get the most out of them. Long and involved story short, you can't get everything from eating them prepared only one way. My response? Duh.

As for a solution? Eat some fresh, eat some frozen ones thawed, eat some steamed, and eat some sauteed. So in other words, cook your own food, and don't eat the same thing all the time. Different preparations, from a simple chopped salad or a tomato sauce simmered all day, free up different good-for-you things in all that produce. Even dumping a little olive oil on your salad or throwing a splash of red wine into your tomato sauce can change the bioavailability (aka, what can be easily absorbed by your body) of different things.

Actually, I'm embarassed to admit it, but in completely neurotic form, I used to rotate milk. One week I'd get skim, the next 1%, the next 2%, and the next whole. Occasionally, I'd throw in some soy milk. I knew about bioavailability in college, and to keep my calcium intake high, dispel any fears of not getting enough vitamin A or D (vitamin A is fat-soluble), and keep my arteries squeaky clean, I figured I'd just switch it up every week and cover all my bases. I know, totally ridiculous. Older and wiser - but only slightly less neurotic - I stick with 1% these days.

Heading back to the topic of fruits and veggies, I got to go to M&M Farms when I was visiting the parents and stock up on insanely cheap produce. I got a couple mangoes and a cantaloupe which I chopped up and had for breakfast today with some brie (Trader Joe's has some pretty cheap Canadian double creme brie; it's awesome). Tonight, I'm going to fix some baba ganoush, Israeli style.

I guess now would be a good time to talk about baba ganoush. Get a nice sized eggplant. Poke holes in it with a fork. Turn your oven broiler on high or crank up the grill. Insert eggplant (on a broiler pan if it's in the oven; it's a deceptively juicy vegetable), and grill, turning occasionally until it has completely deflated, resembles a dead thing, and has some char on the outside. The more char, the smokier the flavor, but don't totally torch it. Remove from the oven or the BBQ, and set it in a dish. Pick up the eggplant from the top using a heat proof holder of some sort, and leaving the top intact, slice it the long way from the midpoint to the end. Put it back in the dish, and tilt the dish so the juices drain out. Let it drain until it's cool enough to touch. (Draining the juices minimizes the bitterness.) Now you have a roasted eggplant to do with what you please!

Take the cooled eggplant, split it the rest of the way up the middle (the long way), and slice off the top with the stem. Take one half, and scoop out the guts onto a cutting board with a spoon. If some skin shreds end up in there too, no worries. Do the same to the other half. Now comes the fun part! Take a nice chef's knife and reduce the pile of eggplant guts to a pile of even mushier mush by chopping the crap out of it, flipping and rotating the mush with the flat of your knife and again chopping the crap out of it. Dump the mush into a tupperware.

As with pretty much all middle Eastern food, you need garlic and lemon. And in this case, tahina. For one eggplant, I'd start with 1 small clove of raw garlic, juice of 1/2 lemon, and like 1 or 2 spoonfuls of tahina from the jar. Crush the clove of garlic, juice the lemon, and throw it in with the tahina and a pinch of salt. Mix and taste, and then adjust everything. Also, you can cut the tahina with some mayonnaise, or totally replace it with mayo. I'm a fan of 100% tahina, but sometimes I cut it. Tastes good either way. Usually I end up putting in a little more lemon and salt to make the flavor really pop, but it's up to you to make it as strong you want it. Same goes for the garlic, but be careful, because you can end up with very potent anti-vampire concoction if you're not careful... :)

Another thing you can do with a roasted eggplant is roast and mush it like above and set it aside. Take half a small onion and chop it very, very finely. Take some cilantro and chop that finely, and add some lemon and salt. As with pretty much everything else, adjust it to your own personal taste. For some reason, I grew up referring to this as simply "eggplant mush." Baba ganoush was baba ganoush, but this was eggplant mush. No idea why.

Does anyone know what it's actually called?

Anyway, I just ate lunch at the food co-op, which was taco casserole. They serve vegan friendly bean mush in various guises on a daily basis. Today, it was a glop of beans, brown rice, whole wheat tortillas, tomatoes and tomato sauce, peppers, and vegan bacon and multiple spices. Despite its nondescript glop appearance, there was a hell of a lot of flavor in there. Then I opted for a chocolate Fruitfull frozen yogurt bar. It was ok for what it was. But I think I can do better... I need a set of these. When I was a kid, we used to blenderize fruit on the verge of going bad and freeze it into pops, with the occasional addition of honey or sugar or mint. Sometimes we'd make chocolate pudding pops. Very tasty.

I bet making adult pops with the addition of some alcohol would be really awesome. Like sangria ice pops. Or strawberry daquiri. Or any blenderized fruit with rum, tequila, or vodka. I bet a minty cucumbery one with gin would be so refreshing... a riff on this awesome drink, The Cuke. Unconventional, yes, but if the summer drank, this would be its Cosmopolitan. Trust me, try it. Your internal body temperature will fall instantly.

A Good Food Book

2008-05-24T16:09:00.001-04:00

In between frantically writing, learning electroosmotics, and praying to the various callous gods of candidacy, I have been reading Michael Pollan to unwind. He's actually quite brilliant.

In the muddle of diet fads where entire food groups or macronutrients are excluded in a usually futile attempt to eat healthier and/or lose weight, Pollan takes some time to unscientifically un-muddle how we eat and explain why our Western dietary habits are screwing us over. I don't much like nutritionists. With respect to my friend R. (who is a fabulous cook, incredibly healthy individual, and the relatively new mother of a giant baby - I'm not kidding; her little man is HUGE), the field of nutrition relies on a lot of well-disguised hand waving and recovering anorexics.

First, a short anecdote that describes many - not all - nutritionists. R. went to NYU with me, and she went through the NYU nutrition program. One night at fencing practice, she told me how her classmates had turned away from their salads and yogurts with a mixture of horror and drooling jealousy to watch as she ate a slice of pizza for lunch during lecture. She ate one slice of pizza, not three. It wasn't unfrozen reconstituted chain pizza, it was actual pizza made from real pizza dough, sauce, and cheese from the pizza place on the corner.

Honestly, what were they looking at?

(Author's Aside: One time, R. and I bought young coconuts at the organic market up the street from our dorm. You know, the ones that are white on the outside with the shell shaved off? Anyway, we crouched on the floor of R.'s dorm room with hammers smashing them open to get at the water and the cream inside for a snack. It was fun. And tasty. And I'm sure there's an easier way to open them, but we lacked a hack saw.)

Anyway, a diet of salad, yogurt, and carrot sticks every day for lunch is impossibly monotonous, simply impossible for an athlete, and unpleasant to eat on a cold day. Pollan doesn't buy into the starving/deprivation thing to tell us how to eat right. He doesn't even explicitly tell us how to eat right. It's brilliant! He promotes eating real, actual, unprocessed food to get what you need to live and be healthy and happy.

One great point he makes is we need to look at cultures that have been around for a long time, and take notes from them. Why does he say that? Because in order to be around for a long time, you need to SURVIVE. Obviously, if you've survived for thousands of years, you've got a good thing going nutritionally because you have the strength - as a culture - to reproduce a lot. And reproduction is very energetically costly.

Another noteworthy Pollan point is "we are what what we eat eats."

I'll give you a second to parse that.

In other words, if our cattle eat things they aren't designed to eat (like corn instead of grass), they'll pass on their nutritional deficiencies to whatever eats them. That would be us, folks.

Think for a minute. Everyone's on about omega-3's these days. So we're told to eat fish, right? Well, where do you think the omega-3's in fish come from? From what the fish eat, photosynthetic plankton. All the fish do is concentrate the omega-3's because they're higher on the food chain, and they eat the plankton.

Moving back to cattle, beef used to have higher levels of omega-3's and less crap because they ate plants, and the ultimate source of omega-3's are plants. Now that cattle are fed on grain instead of the leaves they evolved to eat, not only do they require antibiotics to survive long enough to get to the slaughterhouse, but they don't get the full battery of nutrients they're evolutionarily designed to get. And, as a result, neither do we when we eat mass-marketed industrial beef (Pollan really delves into this in "The Omnivore's Dilemma"). So simple and so smart.

Speaking of smarts, Michael Pollan isn't a scientist, but he uses a very powerful tool many of us have forgotten, observation. We're so obsessed with finding the one magic compound that'll cure all ills. It's kind of amusing, really. Think about the new revelations about cholesterol; all of a sudden, the low cholesterol orthodoxy is being overturned. Maybe high cholesterol does NOT implicitly equal heart disease... maybe the whole system is more complex and relies on feedback systems we haven't even started to uncover. In a way, it's kind of comforting.

Check out one of my favorite passages, from "In Defense of Food." It pretty much sums it up:

"Indeed, to look at the chemical composition of any common food plant is to realize just how much complexity lurks within it. Here's a list of just the antioxidants that have been identified in a leaf of garden variety thyme:

"alanine, anethole essential oil, apigenin, ascorbic acid, beta-carotene, caffeic acid, camphene, carvacrol, chlorogenic acid, chrysoerial, derulic acid...[I'm cutting the list short; it's long enough to make the point]...

"This is what you ingest when you eat food flavored with thyme. Some of these chemicals are broken down by your digestion, but others go on to do various as-yet-undetermined things to your body: turning some gene's expression on or off, perhaps, or intercepting a free radical before it disturbs a strand of DNA deep in some cell. It would be great to know how this all works, but in the meantime we can enjoy thyme in the knowledge that it probably doesn't do any harm (since people have been eating it forever) and that it might actually do some good (since people have been eating it forever), and even if it does nothing at all, we like the way it tastes..."

I have to say, it's comforting to know there are things that are so complex, we don't have a prayer of understanding them at the moment. On one hand, knowing there is no one right answer means we could be horribly wrong, but on the other hand, that means there are so many more ways to be right. Me? I'd rather explore the ways to be nutritionally right, which in Pollan's view means eat diversely. Yum.

The thing is, fads will come and go. Soon everyone will be off protein, or something and taking yogurt enemas again. (Yeah. Yogurt enemas. And this dude's name is on a huge number of cereal boxes in American homes these days. Heh, little do they know he was a great proponent of yogurt enemas. Go ahead. Click on it. You know you're curious.)

(Another interesting fact; Oneida, the silverware company, another American mainstay, had quite an interesting beginning as well. We are SO closeted as a culture, it's amazing. Australia got the convicts, Canada got the French, we got the Puritans, and we've never really gotten over it.)

Imagine how they'll laugh at us someday. In the meantime, read Michael Pollan (I suggest "The Omnivore's Dilemma" or "In Defense of Food"), and contemplate eating similarly to non-Americanized Greeks and Japanese.

sucksucksucksuck

2008-05-22T20:06:00.000-04:00

OMFG. My proposal is slowly morphing into a paper on molecular modeling, about which I know even less than usual. Seriously, I feel like Neo from The Matrix when he opens his eyes and says, "I know kung-fu."

I know extrapolated motion.

Well, I know it in a cocktail party kind of way, although if I ever find myself at a cocktail party where they're discussing extrapolated motion I will either immediately leave or hit the bar. Hard. I am probably the most self-hating scientist out there. I don't explicitly hate scientists, but society expects all the borderline-autistics and collective weirdos to enter science, so we get 'em all.

But speaking of bars, I went to a free steak dinner with an open bar Tuesday night. I was thinking, "Hey! Open bar! Free food! Awesome!" It sucked hardcore. It was with a bunch of people from NASA, so the company was duller than dull, and it was in NASA's version of a fucking rec hall. I mean. Fuck! You're NASA! You got shit up in space, and this is where you hold a dinner for winners of some school science fair? Some of those little whippersnappers did projects that sound more impressive than what I'm doing right now! Then we were bored to death by some totally self-obsessed, boring-as-all-hell, NASA scientist who showed us INTERMINABLE PowerPoint slides of radar images. One after the other. And I couldn't even get more wine. Completely foiled. And all this after spending a day fighting with my proposal.

Anyway, it reminded me why I don't eat out. The best part of the whole meal was actual arugula and raw broccoli in the salad (can't overcook raw broccoli!). Everything else was overcooked and bland, and I could have spackled my walls with the cheesecake. But there was free wine! (And Miller Light, but come on, Miller Lite?)

Today was the bio department's BBQ, and I scored some more free food, but again... it was crappy. They even messed up the hummus. Right now I'm burning off that overcooked hamburger trying to put citations into my proposal. I learned Reference Manager today. Seriously, I need to do a massive core dump. I have learned so much in the last 2 months, I can't even believe it. I'm rapidly approaching "brain stuck cannot go anymore" but I'm staving it off with small pieces of chocolate.

A big thank you to one of my labmates who brought in said chocolate today. :)

(I think I deleted the word "fuck" roughly 8 times in this post. That's how strung out I am right now. I need to go to the gym, but I can't. MUST. FINISH. CITING. IMAGINARY. PAPERS. I. ONLY. PRETENDED. TO. READ.)

Can't Be Beet

2008-05-19T10:57:00.000-04:00

I went on a mandolin expedition this weekend. The purpose was to find one of those nifty adjustable ones so that I can get uber-thin slices of beets. Why, you query? Because I love raw beet salad.

The raw beet salad in discussion is made with raw beets, fennel, carrots, radishes, and celery. I forgot the basic proportions; it's a Jamie Oliver recipe which I totally cannot find right now. Raw beets are rather woody and hard to chew in large chunks, so mandolined slices (or julienned sticks) are most manageable. I tried using a food processor attachment and a veggie peeler, but the slices were a trifle too thick for woody beets, and grating them leaves you with limp, shapeless, shredded beet crud. I prefer a little extra chewing, so in the absence of a mandolin, I recommend the food processor attachment because it's faster than the veggie peeler and you get similar results. (I do not suggest the $10 mandolin from Bed Bath and Beyond. It is not adjustable, and it generally is crummy because the interchangeable attachments don't make paper-thin slices. I'm returning the blasted thing.)

I like salad a lot, so I start with ~4 peeled beets, 3 fat carrots, 1 small bulb of fennel (keep the fronds on hand), a handful of radishes, and 1-2 stalks of celery. Oh yeah, I couldn't find fennel anywhere, so I incorporated fennel seeds into the vinaigrette - more on that later**. If you can find fennel, make sure you slice it really thinly. Perhaps a mandolin would be good for this, too. Fennel has a very strong liquorice flavor, so add it carefully. Anyway, peel and thinly slice the beets and carrots, and give the celery and radishes a thin slicing, too. There's your salad. On to the vinaigrette!

Danny likes his roasted poblano chilis. A lot. Roasting poblanos is tricky. You can either own a dry grill which goes over the burners on your stove (Anti-Fire-In-Your-Kitchen-Tip: snip the stems off your chilis before roasting because they'll burn and the embers could set your shirt on fire), or you can balance them on your gas burners and keep the flame really low and watch them VERY carefully (risky, but I did it without setting anything on fire). You could probably do it in an oven too, but it's a lot harder to get some char without complete conflagration. Alternatively, save this for a BBQ side-dish and roast the chilis on the grill. When you roast chilis, the skin should char. The more char, the better. Once almost the entire chili has charred and is mostly black on the outside, put it in a bowl covered with foil or just make a foil packet and seal the chili inside. Let it steam in there for a while. 20 minutes, maybe? The steaming makes it easier to peel. Once it's steamed and cooled off, peel it. The charred peel should come off very easily. It doesn't have to be perfect. Then, you can clean the chilis. The fire comes mostly from the ribs and the seeds, so get 'em out if you don't like the spice. Now you have cleaned, seeded chilis ready for vinaigretting!

(You can use regular bell peppers in the vinaigrette - which are actually super mild chilis! - and roast them the exact same way. Now you can make your own freshly roasted peppers! Whenever you want!)

So anyway, 2 roasted poblanos seem to work. Throw them into a blender. Add 1 part sour (lemon juice rocks in this case), 2 parts grease (olive oil for me), some salty (salt), and some pepper. Adjust to taste. It's a green thick vinaigrette. Put on salad, lightly sprinkle with some fennel fronds, and crunch away!

(**If you can't find fennel, take some fennel seeds - 1 or 2 tsp worth - and crush with a mortar and pestle or fold them in some aluminum foil and take a hammer to it. Add to vinagrette.)

Spread 'Em

2008-05-16T16:52:00.000-04:00

In light of easy and fast food that just so happens to be healthy and delicious, I'm going to write about three of my favorite spreads that can go on anything. Except chocolate cake.

Hummus, pesto, and tahina.

Hummus and tahina both start with, well, tahina which is ground sesame seed paste. This paper tickled me; just the idea that anyone literally published a paper analyzing tahina is hilarious. Bottom line is that tahina has a ton of niacin and some B vitamins and proteins. Also, it has some vital minerals. And I love it because it tastes good.

Let's start with tahina. You can buy ready-to-eat tahina in a can in the store, but why bother? It's not as good. To make it at home, get plain tahina, some garlic, and lemons. Mix the tahina after you open the can/jar because it'll settle like natural peanut butter. Scoop ~3-4 spoonfuls of tahina into a bowl. Crush one clove of raw garlic into it. Dump the juice of half a lemon in there, followed by ~2 pinches of salt. Mix it up. It should resemble mortar. Add a little water and mix well. Taste it.

If it tastes flat: Add more lemon or salt. If it's too tangy, add salt. If it's too salty, add lemon. Salt and acid buffer each other. If all else fails, add more tahina.

If it's too watery: Add more tahina.

If it's too thick: Add more water or lemon juice if it needs it.

I say start small because amounts vary and it's the kind of thing that benefits from you having a feel for how to make it versus blindly following a recipe. Also, you inevitably end up having to add more of one thing or another so it kind of grows. :) The end consistency should be in between a dip and a creamy salad dressing, depending on what you want to use it for. Thicker for crudites, thinner for salad dressing or if its final destination is to dress falafel.

Which brings us to hummus!

Start with a can of chickpeas, drained with liquid reserved in a cup. Throw 2-3 garlic cloves in a food processor and process until finely chopped. Then I scrape down the sides and re-process. That gets them fine enough, usually. It's up to you; if you like killer garlic sneak attacks, don't process as much. :) Then dump in the can of chickpeas and maybe 1/4 of the liquid. Process. If it's stuck, add a little more liquid. Then glop in ~2 heaping spoonfuls of unprepared tahina. Add the juice of one lemon, and I like to add a little olive oil. Throw in some salt. Process. Taste.

If it's stuck in the food processor: Add more liquid. Taste it first, though. If it's flat, add more lemon juice and then some of the chickpea water.

If it's flat: Add more lemon or more salt. Same rules apply here as above.

If you want a more creamy consistency: Add more tahina or olive oil and process some more.

Again, you can adjust quantity as much as you want. You can make it just for you or for a crowd. it is probably the cheapest healthiest party dip under the sun. But you can totally dress it up. Hummus is typically served with powdered sumac, not the poison variety, sprinkled on top. I like to drizzle it with some good olive oil, sprinkle sumac over top, and put really good (not too salty) pitted kalamata olives in a ring on top. It's good in pita quarters with Mediterranean pickle slices and really good with the crudites, especially carrot sticks.

Let's move slightly west, and deal with pesto. Pesto is garlic, olive oil, basil, and nuts, cheese being optional. Preferred, but optional. The nuts are typically pine nuts, but I grew up on pesto with walnuts because walnuts were infinitely cheaper. Both are good. The basil usually came out of my mom or grandma's gardens, and when it came out of my grandma's garden, it was always somehow... basil-lier. I think it was because she watered it less. We always got super-hot chilis or spicy radishes or tomatoey tomatoes when there was less rain, so I'd guess it extends to herbs, too...?

But I digress.

So, pesto. In the food processor, throw in 1 or 2 cloves of raw garlic depending upon how much basil you have and process till chopped, same as for hummus. Throw in the washed and dried leaves of your basil, some (start with a 1/4 cup?) of the nuts, a little romano or parmesan if you want cheese, a little salt (less if you're adding cheese) and pepper, and a glug of olive oil. Process. Scrape down the sides, process a little more, and taste it. (I don't like a homogeneous paste in this case, so the nuts in little chunks... very desireable. I also don't make it swimming in oil.) But this won't have a tanginess, like the hummus and tahina did.

I've found that it tastes very green initially. Give it a few minutes to just sit. I don't know why this works, but it does. Maybe the flavors need a little while to mix? But if after a few minutes it tastes flat, add either salt or cheese, but not too much. Another pesto caveat is adding too much nuts. Then all you taste are nuts. I'm a basil fiend, so I'm always very careful about the nuts and don't add too much. I've found that pine nuts do have a certain pineyness that adds to the basil's flavor, but it's very subtle. Walnuts work just fine. This traditional pesto can go on pasta (of course), or you can make carrot noodles with a vegetable peeler and microwave them in a covered vessel until they're juuuust soft enough and toss with pesto, or you can make a sandwich with it (tomato and mozzarella or a veggie burger) or put it on cooked chicken, or eat it plain. Pesto rocks cut into mashed potatoes.

You can also make pesto out of whatever fresh herbs/greens you want. Arugula and parsley with a little tarragon... cilantro, garlic, and jalapenos (actually, without nuts, this tastes great on hummus which always benefits from the right hot condiments, and it's amazing in scrambled eggs/omelettes... and it turns them pale green! Green eggs, anyone?)

Bottom line is these spreads work on anything. And they're really flavorful. Be forewarned that you'll probably reek of garlic, so either (a) get your significant other to eat some too so neither of you will notice, or (b) avoid it pre-date. Happy spreading... ;)

Fast Food, HungryGrad style...

2008-05-10T16:23:00.000-04:00

When immersed in a project as time-consuming, mind-numbing, and draining as your candidacy proposal, the time one has to mess around in the kitchen is drastically reduced. So when you decide that going to the gym and worrying about food later is better than cooking and not going to the gym, you need a backup.

Mine? Dr. Praeger's veggie burgers, available at Costco in large quantities. They are veggie brugers that buck the trend of people trying to forcibly change veggies into meat. They are patties of plant parts smushed together, green and unabashedly vegetable. The ingredient list says it all. The highlights are the fact that you get 25% of your daily fiber in one burger. Personally, I like to think of fiber as intestinal exfoliation. They're a little high in sodium, and they have a little fat, but it's not the end of the world when you look at the vitamin exchange. So it's more bang for the caloric buck.

So I heat up a pan (nonstick works even without grease in it) but otherwise a little olive oil is nice. They say you can grill them, but I've never tried because they seem a little too mushy and soft. They get a really nice crust in cast iron if you have it. Otherwise, remove from package in the freezer, put in moderately hot pan, fry until brown on one side, flip and repeat.

I take toasted bread, pour some balsamic on it so it soaks in, put burger on one slice, put slices of tomato and raw onion on top, add feta cheese, and last night I had some fresh dill, so I added some of that too, and then I ate it open faced, with partially melted feta toppling off. Madd tasty, yo.

And madd fast. The bread is a little crunchy, burger and cheese are warm, creamy, and soft, the vinegar goes "zing," and the tomato and onion add some flava and moisture, and the dill is just nice and cool-tasting. It makes you feel better. It's healthy. It's fast. It's got lots of veggies and fiber. It's warm. It goes equally well with milk/juice/water and beer/ wine. It can be riffed out of its mind. It can be inspired by Asian, Italian, Mediterranean, Provencal, etc. cuisines all depending on what you throw it on, and what veggies/sauce/starch you put it on.

I can visualize brown rice, veggie burger, a Thai inspired sauce (soy, lime, fish sauce, honey/brown sugar) with fresh basil, mint, watercress if you can find it, tomato, and cucumber. Turn it Israeli by putting it in a pita with finely chopped cuke, onion, tomato, and a little parsley, squeeze of lemon and tahini or hummus. Do it with brie, sauteed mushroom (you already have the pan dirty from the burger), and throw fresh baby greens (aka, lettucey things) and tarragon on it on a baguette. Hell, throw some red wine into the pan with the 'shrooms and let it reduce and pour it on top. Tres bien, no?

Hellz yes. This is how I do fast food. With a little glass of wine for after the gym. ;)

The Raw Slaw

2008-04-24T11:00:00.000-04:00

I just came in from eating lunch outside. The sun was shining, sweet-smelling flowers were in bloom, the buzz of pollinating insects and gossiping college students surrounded me... Ah, bliss.

Seriously, I think I sat outside for mayyyyybe 35 minutes, and I got a sunburn. No joke. My alabaster skin (read: so white it's practically transparent) is definitely pinker than it was this morning. Part of this is my attempt to temper my skin (similar to what you do with egg yolks in an alfredo sauce or lemon curd) so I don't completely die of redness in Barbados or worse, of basal skin cell DNA mutations in my 70's. As things stand now, this is just pathetic. I might actually have to TRY TO TAN. The horror, the horror. I'm so bad at staying still. No wonder they kill the chickens before they're rotisseried...

That's actually quite morbid.

What I ate for lunch was a lot better. I made a red cabbage slaw sans mayonnaise. I'm not such a huge fan of mayo, truth be told. And I'm a giant Hellman's mayo snob, 100% fat of course. There's really no point in using that other stuff; it's revolting. Better a little bit of the real deal than a sandwich slathered in the spandex/polyester blend of sandwich dressing. I use mayo in tuna, egg, and chicken salads, spread sparingly on a veggie sandwich (bread, mayo, little bit of mustard, tomato, cucumber, alfalfa sprouts, one slice of cheese - it gets too gloppy for me with more - and slivers of onion), or a leftover roasted chicken/turkey sandwich (replace slice of cheese in above with fowl of choice). Mayo definitely has its place, especially in a kosher house.

But it didn't have a place in my slaw.

I finely chopped up a quarter head of red cabbage, grated ~2 carrots, sliced a small bit of onion, and threw in a chopped up pickle. Don't use those bright green fake WASP pickles. Get the sour, garlicky, salty, Jewish-style ones that they sell in the refrigerated section. Sooo much better. An acceptable alternative is the canned Mediterranean version. I dumped a little olive oil on top, chopped up some dill, and added some Trader Joe's unfiltered cider vinegar. Then I sprinkled on a spoonful of sugar to bring out the sweetness of the carrots and cabbage. I figured the pickle would bring the saltiness, and it was perfect.

I know some people salt cabbage to draw out the water so it gets less crunchy, but I didn't do that. I didn't feel like washing all the blasted salt off afterwards, and super crunchy = good. Also, I don't know if that leaches the red out of red cabbage. So big deal, I have to chew a little more. Who cares. My slaw is bright purple and orange. It rocks your pasty limp slaw hardcore, and you know it.

So... the purple slaw is a little sweet, salty, and sour, and it's very tasty with chunks of BBQ'd turkey thigh (courtesy of Danny's family's riff on the usual Passover seder foods) on top. As far as eating veggies and protein without too much accompanying garbage, it doesn't do too badly. Fiber, colorful foods, all sorts of vitamins, minerals, and nutrients along with protein... yeah, it's accidentally healthy. And mas delicioso. :)

Nalgen-ius

2008-04-17T12:30:00.000-04:00

What with the sudden, rather random furor over bisphenol A (a/k/a, BPA), I decided to give a brief explanation of what a Nalgene addict is supposed to do in these carcinogenic times. This above all: do not simply desert Nalgene, makers of all things plastic and nonleaking.

Go the Nalgene website, click on "Nalgene choice," and select "ultralight HDPE." HDPE stands for "high density polyethylene." HDPE isn't as purty as polycarbonate (a/k/a PC), but this is a water bottle, people, not a fashion statement. Grab a bottle of Evian if you need to look chic, or any one of those newfangled "spa waters," delicately flavored with mint or lime or whatever (PS - a total rip-off).

Actually, I spoke too soon. The humble bisphenol A-free Nalgene, previously seen only in your friendly neighborhood biology and chemistry labs, is now OFFICIALLY a fashion statement. It is available in the suddenly-sexy verdant hue of environmentalism, in a bilingual multicultural show of Earth-love, or in the classic I-owned-this-before-it-was-cool-you-poser white.

And I eat my words yet again!

Coming soon to a Nalgene distributor near you, clear and colorful BPA-free water bottles although they aren't microwaveable. Hm. Actually, why not just check out their nifty comparison chart? You can choose for yourself. Like if you plan on dispensing drinkable liquids at temperatures of 274 F, plastic won't do it and you might need stainless steel. Although stainless steel is certainly not microwaveable, so that would be a no to hot broth at work/school in the winter when you're getting over a cold. At any rate, take a look at the chart and decide what works.

Problem solved, Nalgene emerges victorious, and everyone should be happy.

Now that I've discussed a way for people to hydrate AND avoid endocrine disruptions as a result of BPA mocking estrogen, I have to say I can't believe it took this long for word to get out. My labmate's wife went to a conference like 6 months ago where they discussed the dangers of bisphenol A-laced polycarbonate, and when they bought themselves HDPE Nalgenes, I jumped right in with them. Sure, I liked my cheerfully colorful clear one, but let some greasy molecule potentially mock estrogen while I dutifully hydrated? No thanks. I had that water bottle so I could be healthier. The last thing I need is some crap getting in the way of my attempt to be nice to my insides.

And if you still feel the need to show a little chic via your bottled water choices, grow some peppermint (99% of the time it self-propagates like a weed), and throw a few leaves into your new, BPA-free, very reusable Nalgene. Home-grown spa water (I still can't figure out why it's called that; it sounds to me like the dregs of a drained jacuzzi) in a reusable Earth-friendly vessel. The new hOttness.

Honey, you so sweet, sugar got a long way to catch you...

2008-04-16T11:42:00.000-04:00

I used to hate honey. It was gloppy, sticky, and while it was all right on bread with peanut butter, I much preferred raspberry jam.

Recently, I've rediscovered honey. First, when you have a cold and your head is clogged up, tea with lemon, honey, and a generous glug of snake-bite medicine unclogs EVERYTHING and is a hell of a lot more fun than Sudafed. It's also more versatile. You can drink it on a Saturday night with your friends AND on Sunday morning with your grandmother. The tea part makes it all ok.

Then I started adding honey to salsas - just a bit to round out the tangy spiciness and to bring out the sweetness of the veggies - and it was very good. I have vague memories of my dad's dad coming to visit from Israel, and he brought jars of it. I had never tasted honey as intense as that. So when I saw buckwheat honey at My Organic Market, I bought it. Let's talk about buckwheat honey for a minute because it rocks.

Buckwheat honey is to honey like Arnold Shwarzenegger is to Danny DeVito in Twins. It tastes a bit like buckwheat (I guess I'd describe it as rich and kinda smoky), the honey flavor is really intense, and it's a dark brownish-amber in the bottle. It tastes like it was made by
bees in the image of strong burly Ukrainian farmers harvesting grain and singing folk songs, after which they'd gather for a huge meal and drink vodka.

The farmers, not the bees.

(Actually, before the Russians came in, Ukraine was a hugely fertile farming region. I might have to read up on that; I wonder how they're doing these days on that front...)

So how else would I eat it? Honey on yogurt is going to be the next big thing. Drizzling just a bit on yogurt makes for a strangely delicious dessert. "Dessert?" I can hear you looking quizzically at me. "Isn't yogurt for 'dessert' solely within the realm of recovering anorexics?" Not with buckwheat honey and some almonds on top. Especially on Greek yogurt. Even the fat free Greek yogurt is irrationally rich; nothing that healthy should be that creamy, but happily the Greeks know how to foster some killer dairy and bacteria relationships. They've certainly had a lot of time to perfect it, that's for sure.

Honey on yogurt is coincidentally healthy enough to enjoy for breakfast. Scarf it down, run out the door with an apple and a small bag of nuts in your hand, and bam. You're set to start the day. Some calcium, some protein, and buckwheat honey. It's tasty.

Perhaps even more tasty - and I find it a little more filling - is a big slice of bread (I like mine toasted) with a generous layers of peanut butter, sliced bananas, and a drizzle of honey on top finished off by a glass of milk. To reference a probably soon-to-be revived bit of hippy-era wisdom taught to me by my mother, peanut butter and milk form a complimentary protein. What I think this means is together peanut butter and milk contain enough amino acids for a complete serving of protein. While I don't advocate total veganism or even total vegetarianism, it's not a bad thing to eat a little of everything and subscribe a little bit to a lot of different food philosophies.

So basically, buckwheat honey is awesome. You can cook with it like normal, but I find it so tasty, I'd rather have it as unadulterated as possible. As Erykah Badu sang, "Honey, you so sweet, sugar got a long way to catch you."

Alton Brown en papillote...

2008-04-15T15:08:00.001-04:00

I assume Alton Brown is pretty well-known. On one hand, he irritates me with his excessive gadgetry and obsessive-compulsion, but on the other, I not-so-secretly find him ridiculously attractive, erring on the side of sexy. It's probably the geek/food factor, but I'd definitely have a one- or several-night-stand with him. Just long enough to get one-on-one with him in the kitchen. But the sad truth is I'd be gone pretty quickly. OCD is so not my thing.

Alton, baby, it could have been beautiful, but it would have never worked out regardless of how many batches of lemon curd we licked off each other. I just can't stand the fear of getting dirty in the kitchen.

Anyway, I digress. He has a recipe for fish en papillote, or fish cooked in parchment paper. You can fix the recipe to be single serve with fillets or whatever... you can mess around with it so it becomes the ultimate healthy fast food. Have a piece of fish thawing in the fridge, get home, throw some veggies, salt, pepper, spices, cooking liquid (wine, broth, whatever), and couscous in a piece of parchment paper, bake it, and there's dinner. It's a beautiful thing. And ever so elegant and classy served with a glass of wine.

Danny (my current partner-in-crime) and I have made this using a whole fish (red snapper) before with delicious results. This last time was a riff on a very harmonious theme....

I had some kumquats from Trader Joe's (the best place to buy food in possibly the entire universe). For anyone who doesn't know, kumquats are nifty little orangey things the size of large grapes. The peel is sweet, the interior is an intense blast of sour, and you shove the whole thing in your mouth unpeeled for the ultimate explosion of citrusosity. (Chinese celebrate the New Year by letting kumquats sit in sugar for a week before eating; they signify a sweet new year.)

I love them raw and untainted. Danny doesn't.

So I decided to include them somehow in a salsa of sorts to put on top of some oily fish. I reached this obvious conclusion as I ate lunch one day. I had some tomatoes and basil alongside some stirfry we had made. After I ate, I had a couple kumquats for dessert. Then, I burped. My burp was delicious. It was tomatoey, basilicious, and kumquaty, with a touch of onion. This was my inspiration, I kid you not. A burp.

Wolfgang Puck better watch out...

Anyway, Danny and I went to Whole Paycheck, er... excuse me, Whole Foods for some fish seeing as the fish guy we usually go to closes at 6 PM. The lady told us the perch we purchased was oily and more fishy than not. Perfect. Omega-3 and kumquat bliss.

We went home, washed the fillets, rinsed some whole wheat couscous (another delicious Trader Joe's product), sliced some onion, lemon, garlic, and tomato as per Alton Brown's lovely recipe. We then sliced up the remaining kumquats into thin little rounds. Some went into a salsa bowl with a few chopped tomatoes, basil, onion, and a little pepper, and some we set aside. 3 fish fillets (we had 6) went down, and we put a bunch of lemon slices, onion, garlic, a sprinkle of kumquat slices, salt, and pepper. 3 fillets went on top, followed by more onion, lemon, garlic, kumquats, and pepper. Then we put couscous around the whole thing, threw some tomato chunks, sliced good olives (we didn't have artichokes although they would have totally ROCKED), and more kumquats on the couscous. We put wine over it all (more on the wine later), sealed the paper, and baked it up (425 F for ~30 min.).

We sandwiched the fillets to simulate a whole fish, and it worked really well. Alton tells you to discard the lemon and onion from inside the fish cavity if you do use a whole fish, but when sandwiched between fillets, it gets all cooked and jammy and is really delicious with everything. So we had fish and couscous with my pseudo-salsa which almost blew my head off because it was so tasty. Something about unadulterated citrus and basil full blast in my mouth is totally freakin' sweet.

(Side note: I want to make kumquat basil gelato.)

As it was, the fish wasn't as fishy as I thought. The kumquats were the power flavor, and I would not hesitate to use them with the fishiest of fish, like bluefish or mackerel. If you're not rocking the omega-3's hardcore, when you cook kumquats, they get much, much more mellow and blend in, but raw... be careful. They'll dominate.

So, about the wine for the fish... use a white you'll want to drink. We got a bottle from the Vouvray region. I've completely forgot what the name was, but it was one of those dangerous wines. You know what I'm talking about, wine with low acidity and uber smooth enticing flavor, especially when cold. It's the kind where you always want another sip. You could drink and drink, and never notice a thing until it's too late.

The whole meal was excellent. I think it was healthy, too. I would have maybe added more veggies, but we were low on tomatoes so the salsa couldn't be expanded very much. Ah well, next time, right?

Intro?

2008-04-15T11:53:00.000-04:00

So, I've decided to start blabbing somewhere about food. Currently, I talk to anyone who will listen about food. I love food. I was raised in a culture where food = family, gardening, celebration, relaxation, nutrition, treats, health, and a way to impress anyone who needs impressing.

Hence, I love it. My dad spent a large part of his life in Israel, and as a result, I think I grew up eating the "Mediterranean Diet" but I never cared enough to go read the book to verify the classification. Regardless, my family ate more salad than anyone else I know, and I was always the kid in school who ate the weird, ethnic, smelly sandwiches at lunch. Do you have any idea how hard it is to explain baba ganoujh and pita to bland WASPy kids, Americanized blacks, and jappy children of doctors and lawyers?

(The WASPs and jappy girls were THE WORST.)

Genetics and diet being what they are, I got skinny and tall, played basketball, and after enduring the nadir of my existence in middle school, my "cool" stock began to rise because I was definitely the first person of all my friends to not only know what hummus was, but to be able to make it myself. My parents did well, but they weren't wealthy, so salad and legumes somehow became my comfort foods. There's this little produce store down the street from my parents, M&M Farms. It is my opinion that everyone should have an M&M Farms. The store was patronized by Indian women in brilliant saris picking through cilantro, people of Caribbean origin negotiating through piles of bright fruit, workers of unidentifiable Hispanic descent deftly emptying boxes of apples onto already heaping piles, old Jewish couples buying a few bananas for the week, and me, often struggling to squeeze a cart with at least one wheel permanently stuck in the wrong direction through the weekend shoppers to keep up with my mom or dad and not lose my little brother. It was cool just to people-watch there, never mind the dirt cheap produce.

My mom can best be classified as a reformed hippy. She is a product of the Bronx, went to NYU to study art, and was one of the people dancing barefoot to international folk music in Washington Square Park back in the day. She evolved into a gardener extraordinaire, able to coax wild and very uncontrollable growth from flowers, fruits, and vegetables much to the delight of my brother and I. The flower beds routinely need to be beaten back so they don't take over the lawn, which is my mother's fervent wish despite my father's enjoyment of the presence of grass. I think my mom is using incrementalism cum manifest destiny; every year the flower beds gradually expand to accommodate new acquisitions. My dad is actually pretty tolerant of it. He complains, but I think it's just because he feels he ought to. So, my father went through the Israeli military as a medic. He was the kind of person who when everyone was sick of eating army food, he convinced someone to stand in for him while he went "fishing." This entailed tossing hand grenades into the Suez Canal and collecting the stunned fish while Egyptians were taking shots at anyone who showed themselves from the other side. Like I said, I grew up loving food, and I'm pretty sure nature and nurture played equally important roles.

Back to the gardening... seriously, you can't say you hate vegetables unless you've had them fresh-picked from a garden. You can practically taste broccoli arming you against cancer. Did you know broccoli can be spicy? Tomatoes are softer and squashy, but they have a fabulous flavor completely different from the wet pink styrofoam supermarket varieties. Cucumbers are cucumbery, you don't have to peel them, and zucchinis grow like mushrooms in the rain.

Occasionally, we'd have a bumper crop of something. One year, we had so much cilantro which self-seeds and grows like a weed, my mom sold armfuls to M&M Farms. Another year, we couldn't eat zucchini fast enough. We grilled strips marinated in soy and garlic, my dad sauteed it in tomato sauce and onions, steamed it with salt, pepper, and lemon, and my mom baked loaves and loaves of zucchini bread. I'm skipping over how much we gave away. This other time, it was cherry tomatoes. That was my favorite. Our variety of choice is Sweet 1 Millions. My mom would enlist my brother and me to pick them all, and we'd get bags and bags of them. Tomato salad (tomato, basil, garlic, lemon, salt, pepper), tomatoes in regular salad, grilled tomatoes on skewers, tomatoes as snacks... seriously, my brother ate so many he gave himself a stomach ache. But I couldn't blame him. Sun-warmed and fresh, they're the best. You stuff yourself.

As my bro and I got older, we went to college (he's still there), and we got to try those foods we were banned from as children. I'm not talking pizza or fried food or Chinese food; we ate all that. Dessert, too. We got a cookie in lunch, a piece of cake after dinner (but only after we had a fruit). It was just that those were things to be enjoyed in moderation. Truth of it is, I can taste sodium benzoate. I hate it. Kosher meat and poultry tastes better than nonkosher products. When bread falls apart as I spread peanut butter on it, it irritates me. I literally go to the supermarket and poke every brand. The least squashy loaf makes it into my basket.

So anyway, this is why I like food and where I'm coming from. Currently, I'm a grad student in biochemistry, trying to live on a below-minimum wage budget. My boyfriend (also a grad student) is a hell of a cook, and we eat really well given our age and current jobs. Ramen is an emergency-only food. :)

Truth is I don't know what I'll include here yet. Maybe recipe summaries when we make something of interest, in the style of Mark Bittman at the NY Times (check out his blog which is one of my favorite things to read). Maybe some rants on the state of food now. Who knows. I always have something to say.