Posts of FURY

Ok, so that last post served its purpose.  I was able to put all my feelings about being screwed over out there in cyberspace for the world to see for about 24 hours, I feel ever-so-much better, and now I can take that hate-drivel down.  Done, and done.  :)  

It still exists if I ever feel the crazy urge to commit an act of charity.  See, charity isn't really my thing, especially not right now.  I'll go ahead and say it; community service never gave me warm fuzzies.  I did it because it was a good thing to do and all that, but eh.  So, when I do something kind or good or let down my I'm-going-to-get-screwed-over guard and it backfires and I get screwed over, it REALLY gets me fired up.  

You see, if I chose NOT to help out my ex-roommate and get my name off the lease, I'd have never needed to look back.  She'd have floundered and gone down all by herself.  She'd have had to pay the $3000, and I would have shrugged and walked away.  Instead, I tried to save her $200 and then got landed with the fallout of her general ineptness; a/k/a 2 months of rent as penalty for not giving 2 months notice of vacating.   So, I bailed me out and she rode my coattails in for the ride.  And did I get a thank-you?  Oh, of course not.  Because that's why I and the rest of the world exist; to bail her out.    

The time it took me to get 2 people in our apartment was the last week my advisor was in town to proofread my proposal.  Hence, my incredible amount of animosity.  See, if she had winched her lazy ass off whatever couch it was breaking, walked into the chem and biochem graduate office, said "Can I have the list of the emails of all the incoming graduate students?  I have an apartment I need to rent," followed by an email to them all, she could have actually accomplished something tangible in 3 days.  

It kills me that I wasted that last week when she literally HAS NO JOB.  No one in the department is going to hire her because she behaved incredibly unprofessionally during her rotations.  Hence, she has NOTHING to do this summer.  At all.  But I have what to do.  I have research, and candidacy, and 2 papers I have to write.  

At the crux of it all is the simple fact that if I had messed up like she messed up and either (a) didn't read the lease or (b) didn't understand the 60 days notice part, I would be so embarrassed.  I would never in a million years consider asking a relative stranger to help me pay for my foul-up.  I was brought up to take full responsibility for my failures so that I could have equal ownership of my successes, and seeing someone with such a sense of entitlement at the rip young age of 23 or whatever she is makes me despise her to an astronomical degree.  And not even a thank you.  How did she get this far in life without some kid beating the ever loving shit out of her in the playground?

I have no shame in feeling what I do.  I also have no shame in saying that whatever my faults may be (a firm belief in dealing out karmic retribution, a temper, extremely confrontational), I am a motherfucking badass because (a) I pulled this off, (b) I finished my proposal, and (c) I am still alive and kicking.  And with that, I wish everyone a happy successful week... forge ahead!